Marrying after 40 - or for a 2nd time
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| Sat, 01-26-2008 - 6:26am |
I just received a book I ordered about marrying after 40. They interviewed 100 women who married over the age of 40 and they all tell their stories. So, I wanted to share what I have learned so far:
- never give up
- create a really great happy and independent life
- BE the person you want to date - make a list for what you want and then make sure you meet it - are you fit, financially sound, emotionally put together, etc.
- know your self and what you want
- settle on looks but never on character or integrity or trustworthiness
- pick someone you like just the way they are with no changes - get over the small things they do to annoy you
- choose someone who likes you for the way you are and doesn't want to change you
- pick someone who is nice to you and the people around him
- get out there and look every way you can
- don't worry about age -up or down
- attitude is everything - have a good one
I am reading the part now about how they did finances.
The whole thing is very uplifting and validating for much of what we discuss here.
The title is "Getting Married After 50 - Advice and Inspiration from 100 Women Who Found Good Men and Happy Marriages" by Carmen Anthony. It is out of print but amazon has used editions for not that much.
Edited 1/26/2008 8:44 pm ET by cl-west1745

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Stephanie
It's funny that once we achieve some of those things on the list that pertain to ourselves... we will find that we really don't NEED to find a partner, and then the desperation that gets in the way of the successful find... is gone!
Good list.
Oh- BTW, Judy.... HaPpY BiRtHdAy! Any big plans? None here so far! lol
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Thank you Shrimps and same to you - we share the same one, right?
Weirdly enough... I believe so!
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Cool, Happy Birthday to you Shrimps! Hope your day is going better than Judy's with her crash and road rash. And she was worried about helmet hair!
Oh, and totally agree about having achieved the items on that list making one less inclined to get married after 40. I just don't see a need for me to marry. I've had all the kids I am going to have, I am financially stable and able to support myself and my kids by myself. I have my own house, my life is fine as a single. Although M is more inclined to want to share a household for the convenience and cost savings, he appreciates having his space too.
QueenBun, who won't be shopping for a second marriage dress any time soon
Thanks, QB!!
Now it turns out that Hiker wants to come over tonight (bringing some take-out) so now we have plans to get together tonight, as well as tomorrow evening! :-)
I didn't crash like Judy did (ouch)... but I did CRASH this afternoon! I took a nap! LOL
I woke up this morning with the same sinus achiness that was with me when I went to bed (darn that I didn't sleep it off)- so I took some sinus meds this morning to try to get rid of it. And although it was listed as "non-drowsy"... I still got sleepy, so while the kids were good at entertaining themselves (those screens help- computer, DVD movies, tv, Wii... lol) I grabbed a nap in the living room with everything going on around me! I still feel a bit draggy right now, but hopefully I won't be too tired to enjoy Hiker's visit later.
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Aw Shrimps - I hope you have a great evening!! How fun you get him 2 nights in a row.
I have done so many of those naps - where they entertain themselves and you are lightly dozing in the same room. Such memories.
Today when I was trying to rest my house became a fort with 4 big boys (DS too) running in and out all the doors - I think they thought we live in a fort. So I had to say ENOUGH!
I just talked to MtEverest and he was glad I am okay - he says we can meet tomorrow for lunch or something like that - and if my arm is too sore to drive he will pick me up. That was so sweet! We really talked a lot on the phone and he is so funny.
The book has MORE to like. The women all discuss the step children/blended family/step parenting thing- what they did -how they handled it all - the frustration and expectations. AND it goes through how they all handled finances - and how they handle living together and every day life.
BOTTOM LINE - is - get over it - what you see is what you get and you pretty much cannot change it - you have to accept it and love your spouse for the good things. A messy man is not going to be neat. Etc etc.
I think we just have to be picky about who we date and make sure we get to know him and his family well - and we have to control what we do - and accept it all or cut the line. Expectations kept in order.
The thing I like is that it is well researched information that is anecdotal from people in our shoes who were successful. It is organized in a great manner and offers a lot of stories that are fun to read and that teach a good lesson.
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