may I vent please?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
may I vent please?
27
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 2:07pm

Ok, I feel like I'm at a good place in my life. I am doing so many things that I love and are fulfilling. My kids are coming along well. I'm good at my job and it's good for my graduate work. I'm smart, accomplished, and I am a good friend. I'm responsible, I hold down a full time job and pay my bills and take good care of my family. I am more beautiful than I've ever been, and in better health.

Now the part I hate. I hate men at this moment. Some of them act like they're god's gift even when they're NOT flirting...they just swagger like neanderthal IDIOTS! I'm so sick of them playing with my emotions for their own ego gratification. I can't think of one who has given me anything without a huge payback on my part, and almost all of them gave pretty much nothing. I pitched Grady's number today just so I wouldn't call him and tell him I HATE him and to never EVER think about calling me again.I don't want to give him even that satisfaction. I want him to think I never gave him another thought. If I do see him again, he's going to have some ice to melt and he's going to have to work hard.

It's tempting to wear a nun's habit or a wedding band or dress like a granny and hope none of them ever speak to me again. BUT, I think not. I think I'll just get more and MORE beautiful and fit and be MEAN to ALL of them!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 5:44pm

Um no, I'm not low. I'm MAD...I cry when I'm angry...And you all can be as honest as you want. I don't need to agree, heck most often no one listens to me either. It doesn't make a bit of difference.

I am fine now.

you can stop trying to smooth things over. I just don't need the board...I'll be beter off without it. Don't worry about it. The board isn't that important to me at this point and I need to quit acting like it is.

I spent the morning doing translations for my esl class...I'm in the groove again and I'll be fine.

You're right on the money with one thing however, The beach would always be good .

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 5:57pm

Hey Candi,

Don't run away. You may vent all you wish and you get alot of support here. Ok, you got one post that went in a different direction, but I think Becky was just trying to give you some tough love. You can't let one post get you down.

I think of venting kind of like writing in a diary. During the really bad moments, you write down all of your raw emotions, evil thoughts (lol) and then you go back and look at them later and reflect during periods of increased sanity. It's all relative to what's happening in your life at that moment. The same is true for those of us who read and post replies. We aren't in that moment with you, so we reply based on what we perceive from our end of the world.

I think I would have reacted somewhat similar to you if I had met a guy that had been basically flirting with me for months, the way you described Grady. He DID seek you out, came back in, intentionally got your attention, etc. Took your phone number when you offered it...

Look the guy made it MORE than obvious that he was interested in you. I'm betting that maybe there's something else there that he is not disclosing. Like maybe he's got someone at home and he can't call you because of that. If that's the case, then he's a sleezeball! Or he could be sick and in the hospital or a loved one is sick...etc. Who knows?

Those guys at work are jerks. Don't you wish sometimes you could just say what's really on your mind and tell them to take a hike? When the attention is wanted it's great, but when it's not it can be such a drag!

Don't go away. For every 10 positive things that happen to us, it only takes 1 negative thing to knock them all over, if we let it and then we have to rebuild.

You have great support and great friendships here. Don't let one thing knock that down.
Stay. post. vent. rant. brag. be happy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2005
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 11:38pm

Candi,

I know for myself when I start hating men- which happens alot, trust me- I have to challenge my thoughts because it isn't usually based on reality (are all the BILLIONS of men on earth really less worthy than us women?). But I can almost always pin it down to how I feel about MYSELF. If I break down and analyze my thougth process it would probably go like this: "I hate myself because I'm ugly and undesirable. MEN are the ones who decided that I'm undesirable. I hate THEM. Men think that I'm ugly and undesirable. Who are they to judge? Men are cruel and unfair. "

But you see how it started out. It really wasnt about men. It was about how I felt about myself and then I projected those feelings onto the men. It's easy to do because I grew up feeling rejected by my father. (Sorry to get so psychological, but it's true.) My father criticized and disliked my mother. I felt connected to her so I felt like I was being rejected too. I also looked like her- dark haired and italian looking. And I was a shy, serious child who didnt call attn to herself. Now I had a younger, blonde blue eyed, vivacious sister whom my father thought the sun rose with. I couldnt help feeling like the way I looked had something to do with him not liking me much. I grew increasingly self conscious and insecure. I began to feel powerless.

I think you ought to stop talking to your brother about relationships. No offense, but when it comes to men/women, your brother sounds like a real jerk. He is probably distorting your view of men.

The reason I bring up my family history is that I think that the males in a woman's own family heavily influence how she thinks all men are. I'm glad for Dr Phil and Oprah along with a little common sense and initiative :) to be able to attack some of the beliefs I have formed about myself and about men. If you can analyze your own thoughts then you have the ability to challenge them, change them. This is what I'm trying to do now in my own life. So many of the women that I look up to- the confident, happy ones- they arent necessarily the most beautiful or sexy or have the most boyfriends, but they are the ones who feel comfortable with who they are- truly comfortable. They don't have that sense of insecurity and self consciousness. They don't feel powerless.

Just sharing,

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 11:54pm
Hum "The Smurfs" theme song to yourself. You'll either cheer up or drive yourself and everyone around utterly mad. Either way it's great fun:P
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 12:29am
The Smurfs had a theme song???

Kim

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 12:41am

"La-la-la-la-la-laah, la-la-la-la-laah, la-la-la-la-la-laah, la-la-la-la-laaaaaaahhhh!"

See? I'm already 3/4 insane, and now you are, too!!! Woo-hoo!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 7:23am
Amy, that was a really nice post - so true and insightful. Sometimes what we think of ourselves and project to others gets us what we get!

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