Sorry that I'm reading this post after the "bad day" post which came later.
Communication is so vital, but its hard to say the right thing at the right time sometimes. The only thing we can do is say the truth as it is within us at the moment, even if we don't what is the matter. That whole mars/venus theory says that if men and women can at least acknowledge we communicate differently it would be a huge step.
One thing that pulled at my heart when I read your post. The promise for the kitten. I somehow sense that PP could make HUGE strides and points with your dd if he were to agree to get a kittlen, maybe not that one but another one. Not only that but if he takes and active roll and looking for one with you both,
Of course he would, I was so upset because what happened, I said I will have to figure it out, I have not even told daughter and he said no we will have to figure it out, we will find her another gray one and she will not know the difference.
Ouch!! Your ex is just plain damaging. Your ex is selfish and horrible to put your dd "in the middle". If there was one thing that stuck with me when I went through my divorce it was that I will never, under any circumstances, bad mouth my ex or his choices in front of her. I vow to never put her in that position. I feel blessed that
My ex is horrible. He took her apartment hunting last year looking at apartments close by telling he will coach her softball, then when his wife found out he was communicating with me, she stopped all visitation, stopped the child support, I had to take him to court, This happens all the time twice a year we are in court because his wife gets mad at him and stops the visitation.
I did call PP and tell him to be patient and I love him and he said he is and everything is fine, and I said no you don't know how I feel, he said how do you feel I said I feel like I am in the middle, he said you are in the middle and you will always be in the middle.
I just think a child needs her dad but at what expense
This IS the question of the ages. I'm no psychologist but IMO a child benifits from having a stable MAN in her life...but it does not have to be the biological dad.
I know so many women who have cut all ties with their exs. They have new, healthy men in thier kids lives and their kids are thriving. Sometimes all it takes is a grandfather or an uncle, any healthy positive male role model in their lives. If the bio dad is toxic like you ex is... it does more harm than good.
If it comes to that and you have to explain things to your dd, the only answer is that you will protect her and keep her same (emotionally, physically) and secure at all costs. Even if that cost is keeping the father (who is inflicting damamge) away from her. Will she resent you? Maybe at first, but it is the long run we have to focus on.
Sometimes it just plain sucks doing the right things for our kids because just like you I hate doing anything that will upset my dd. But protecting her is priority even when she does not understand.
It is very hard because I know my daughter loves her father so much. SHe knows how the wife is and her biggest fear is that PP will do the same thing, Before her dad got married he was always in her life,he was great.
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Ah yes the joys of relationships!
We are all different even as siblings coming from the same parents and upbringing.
Sorry that I'm reading this post after the "bad day" post which came later.
Communication is so vital, but its hard to say the right thing at the right time sometimes. The only thing we can do is say the truth as it is within us at the moment, even if we don't what is the matter. That whole mars/venus theory says that if men and women can at least acknowledge we communicate differently it would be a huge step.
One thing that pulled at my heart when I read your post. The promise for the kitten. I somehow sense that PP could make HUGE strides and points with your dd if he were to agree to get a kittlen, maybe not that one but another one. Not only that but if he takes and active roll and looking for one with you both,
Ouch!! Your ex is just plain damaging. Your ex is selfish and horrible to put your dd "in the middle". If there was one thing that stuck with me when I went through my divorce it was that I will never, under any circumstances, bad mouth my ex or his choices in front of her. I vow to never put her in that position. I feel blessed that
I just think a child needs her dad but at what expense
This IS the question of the ages. I'm no psychologist but IMO a child benifits from having a stable MAN in her life...but it does not have to be the biological dad.
I know so many women who have cut all ties with their exs. They have new, healthy men in thier kids lives and their kids are thriving. Sometimes all it takes is a grandfather or an uncle, any healthy positive male role model in their lives. If the bio dad is toxic like you ex is... it does more harm than good.
If it comes to that and you have to explain things to your dd, the only answer is that you will protect her and keep her same (emotionally, physically) and secure at all costs. Even if that cost is keeping the father (who is inflicting damamge) away from her. Will she resent you? Maybe at first, but it is the long run we have to focus on.
Sometimes it just plain sucks doing the right things for our kids because just like you I hate doing anything that will upset my dd. But protecting her is priority even when she does not understand.
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