maybe.... just maybe?
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| Wed, 10-10-2007 - 7:29pm |
Okay, i may be deluding myself... but it IS possible for an FWB to become more, right. Not that i'd say i'm getting attached but i was hoping he was.... make sense. If Sean didn't call me back ever or if he didn't reply to my messages, i'd be okay with it. I wouldn't have any regrets. We've had a really great time the past couple months.
I do feel like we are getting closer, though.. but i could be talking purely physical... ya know... we are beginning to know what each other likes... He's not inconsiderate as one would think.... He makes sure i'm satisfied... The one down side is he doesn't really listen when i say i have to go home.. he always wants me to stay the night...
Anyway, he's been calling me at 8:30 at night (instead of at 3 am) for two weeks in a row AND calling more frequently. He's invited me "out" but i always can't go because of the kids or because of my night schedule last week.. so i go to his house after the children go to sleep (and my brother gets home)... If anything, i can see why he would start to get the impression that I'M the one who doesnt want things to go further... but really i think it's just ideal for us both right now.
Last night, i went over to his house by 11:30 pm... we hung out and watched tv before "going to bed". We talked about the colder weather coming up and he said, "you'll have to come over to snuggle..." and I laughed because i didn't think he was serious. I thought for him snuggle means sex... And he almost looked hurt that i laughed... he was serious.
And also when i mentioned applying to a job out of town, he looked like he was going to miss me or something...
So, that leaves me wondering today IF it's possible that something that begins as purely sexual can become something more meaningful.
A part of me thinks that's a stupid question.... and it would be if that was my motivation for having sex.. ya know... but it isn't.. For me it IS physical.. Sean and I already discussed how neither of us wanted anything like a relationship. BUT another part of me still says.. hmmmmm. anything is possible. He's is incredibly HOT.... If everytime he thinks of sex, he thinks of me.. then he must be thinking of me quite a bit.... LOL.
Those are just some of my thoughts right now... it hasn't stopped me from pursuing other dating options... but it is nice having a warm body and a few kisses!!
Loonybunny
Oh and edited to add: that for two weeks in a row he's called me on Friday night wanting me to come over because neither of us work on Saturday. The Friday night call.... and not after bar hours either... hmmm... see what i'm saying?
Edited 10/10/2007 7:33 pm ET by loonybunny

Well, don't forget the first word in the FWB acronym. F = friends. And you are becoming friends. But to want that to switch to romance and love and commitment? I am not sure. But I did find this in the NY times for you:
To some, it may seem like an ideal relationship, less stressful than an affair, longer lived than a fling or that elusive one-night stand. You can even sit around in your sweats and watch “Friends” reruns together, feeling vaguely reassured.
Yet relationships in which close friends begin having sex come with their own brand of awkwardness, according to the first study to explore the dynamics of such pairs, often called friends with benefits, or F.W.B..
The relationships tend to have little romantic passion, but stir the same fears that stalk lovers: namely, that one person will fall harder than the other.
Paradoxically, and perhaps predictably, the study suggests, these physical friendships often occlude one of the emotional arteries of real friendship, openness. Friends who could once talk about anything now have an unstated taboo topic — the relationship itself. In every conversation, there is innuendo; in every room, an elephant.
The research, conducted among Michigan State University students, confirmed previous findings that most college students report having had at least one such relationship. Although that is undoubtedly true of many couples throughout history, “friends with benefits” have become a cultural signature of today’s college and postcollege experience.
“The study really adds to the little we know about these relationships,” said Paul Mongeau, a professor of communications at Arizona State University who was not involved in the research. “One of the most interesting things I get from it,” he said, “is this sense that people in these relationships are afraid to develop feelings for the other person, because those feelings might be unreciprocated.”
In the study, appearing in the current issue of Archives of Sexual Behavior, Melissa Bisson, a former graduate student at Michigan State, and Timothy Levine, a professor in the communications department, surveyed 125 young men and women and found that 60 percent reported having had at least one friend with benefits.
One-tenth of these relationships went on to become full-scale romances, the study found. About a third stopped the sex and remained friends, and one in four eventually broke it off — the sex and the friendship. The rest continued as friends-with-benefits relationships.
In a follow-up study, the researchers gave 90 students who reported having at least one such relationship a battery of questionnaires asking about passion, commitment and communication.
“We found,” Dr. Levine said, “that people got into these relationships because they didn’t want commitment. It was perceived as a safe relationship, at least at first. But also that there was this growing fear that the one person would become more attracted than the other.”
Yet, he added, the overall qualities of the relationships appeared to be true to the name. On standard psychological measures, they appeared more like friendships than romances.
Friends with benefits scored in the middle on a scale assessing intimacy and low on passion and commitment, the study found. “When scores were compared to previous findings with romantic couples, scores on all three dimensions were lower, with the largest differences observed in commitment followed by passion,” the authors wrote.
The relationships may be less common than reported. “Friends with benefits” appears to have become an umbrella term for a wide variety of sexual arrangements, some of which are quite familiar, Dr. Mongeau said.
In addition to budding romances, he said, the “friends” may also be former lovers who occasionally see each other or they may be people who hang out at the same places and now and then end up wrapped around each other, even though they are not really friends.
Dr. Mongeau said the study seemed to have captured the dissonant, circular thinking that characterized what it felt like for a friendship to enter treacherous territory.
“There’s clearly a strong desire to be with this other person, who fills important needs,” he added. “But at the same time, it’s as if I’m saying, ‘O.K., I’m not going to get passionately involved — because then it’s at risk of being a real romance.’”
Interesting article ...that pretty much sums up what i've been thinking lately.
At best, it keeps me from hooking up with the other callers... GoofyGuy booty called me the other night... i'm assuming because it was really late. I didn't answer. But i'm hoping he'll try again but at a decent hour and ask me out on a date... Same thing with Michigan... but did i mention how HOT Michigan is!!!! He's tall, beautiful face, nice BOD, nice butt!!!! I was tempted to "save a horse ride a cowboy"... but didn't.
Loonybunny
I just thought it to be amazing that they actually did a study on FWB's in the Journal of Sexual Behavior.
I think of the book I once read called "positioning" - of course not to be funny with THAT term and this subject. It was a marketing book. And it was about positioning your brand in the consumer's mind. The GM of our hotel talked about it so much I decided to read it. It has actually helped me tremendously with developing my own products to my market.
I really think we as women are any different than the "products" written about in that book for our audience/consumer the man we seek. If we position ourselves as booty calls or FWB, we remain in that category.
But if we position ourselves as the kind of girl you marry or romance/commit we get a different style of treatment and a relationship.
To me, it is kind of like you get the attention of one head or the other - and they don't switch. So you have to decide which one you want to position yourself to. (pardon the pun - I am getting slap happy this time of night)
ROFLMAO LB (OMG! lol, did you just realize you AND Lawn Boy have hte same initial!)
Hi, LB.
I agree with Priscilla: Sometimes they are simply doing what they feel is necessary to get the sex.
Each time I read something on this board about FWB, it just makes me wonder why anyone thinks these situations really work?? I still think many women WILL get attached from the sexual encounters and the things that happen around
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
>>Just what DOES go through your mind?? Do you really think that there is hope that this could become more, and is this a new thought? Or was it there at the beginning- but you just "settled" for the FWB because he was obviously not "into you" enough to have a full relationship? I hope I don't offend you with these questions. I guess the whole FWB deal just really still has me perplexed as to how it can work mentally and emotionally.<<
Okay to answer your questions... as i've stated from the beginning with Sean... i wasn't expecting more than a one night stand. honestly... He was HOT. A Navy Seal.. I didn't see much sex action otherwise... So... i thought to myself... go for it. In NO WAY was i secretly hoping sex would lead to something more. That is a naive and unhealthy thought. Simply put i was horny...lol. i'll admit it.
I'm not offended by your questions.. if it doesn't work for you than it doesn't.. we each have to know our own selves. Women CAN have unemotional sex.. i had it with my ex.. if ya know what i mean. But this time, i get to choose who i have it with... right now in my life this is working for me.
I feel a connection to Sean but not an attachment. But HE keeps calling me back... this is new to me, i'll admit. He calls. I start thinking about it, and i give in to temptation. I don't expect it to become more than bed pals... like i said, i'm the one who can't really spend more time with him because i'm so busy. And i'm thinking "BONUS point for me because he's HOT and great in bed (ironically, that's the one place he does listen and respond to me)."
Loonybunny
>>Ergo, he may play 'boyfriend' while he is with you, but in public you'll just be one of the guys.<<
I've been feeling like "one of the guys" around many of my guy friends lately... Especally at work since we hired New Guy. The two guys i work with are always making guy jokes.. but i'm able to laugh and throw in a few myself... And more guys come into our office to chat and I dont' feel left out. I feel like "one of the guys" and that's a good thing.
Loonybunny
ps... lucky me, i sit between two hot guys at work but they feel more like brothers.