Meeting His Son??????

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2005
Meeting His Son??????
6
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 3:09pm

I'm 27, never married, no children... in fact - no experience with kids AT ALL... I've been dating a guy for 5 months now and I'm supposed to be spending tonight with him and his son (I'm meeting his son for the first time) and we're going to be playing video and board games... His son is 12... Any words of wisdom on how to make a good impression? I know "just be yourself" because kids can see right thru a false act... but I'm going crazy inside!!! I mean, my nerves are shot... if his son doesn't like me that pretty much indicates a GAME OVER for me (pun intended)...

Doubly troubling is that the guy I'm seeing hasn't dated a lot since his son was born... so I'm also worried that the son will see me as someone whos trying to come between him and his dad.. HELP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 4:46pm
The kid is probably nervous to meet you. If the boy doesn't like you and that ends your relationship with your guy, then the guy wasn't too interested in you. I love my son with all my heart, but he doesn't get to pick who I date.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 4:50pm

Boys are usually pretty easy going. Let the kid tell you all about what he does - let him lead and take an interest in him - but not so much that it is awkward.

I actually think you will be relieved and find the kid to be very smart and entertaining. My son is 10 and he has a lot of friends on our street - all boys - all ages. And I really enjoy talking to all of them - they are very cool. Kids these days are really much smarter than we were growing up.

I bet you do just fine. Hope you come back and tell us the story!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 5:09pm

I agree wholeheartedly with the other two posters, and I'd also like to mention that this is a great opportunity.

You get to see how your guy acts with his son- is he fun, does he teach the lessons that arise from playing together (sore losing, graceful winning, etc), how does he treat his son in general? The way people treat those closest to them can be a good indicator of the way they'll treat you down the line.

Also, you get to hang with two guys, doing something fun. If you aren't good at the video games, his son can give you pointers. Don't let him win, though, kids pick up on that really quickly. You'll probably spend most of the time talking about the game, as that's what kids do. But if you're genuinely interested, he'll catch that, too.

I'd also take it as a good sign that the boyfriend wants you to meet his son. Most single parents, and I'm assuming he's no different, are very careful about who their children spend time with. The fact that he hasn't dated much shouldn't worry you too much, as some people simply don't date, then suddenly find someone they want to date. If that's you, and you're into him, great!

Come back and let us know how it goes!

Moody- getting ready to get ready


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 11:38pm

Im interested in how it went since my dd just met, last nite, the 1st guy I have ever introduced her to. It went really well - & mostly b/c he was able to get down to her level (literally, lol, he played tag & let her hang & jump on him with his nephew) ... but she IS only 6. A 12 yr old can be tough. But ... I think a 12 yr old boy would be easier than a 12 yr old girl.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2005
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 12:15am

Thanks for all of your support... I met his son and think he's the coolest kid ever... and you were all right - seeing my date interact with his son was the best part - he's the perfect dad - too bad for me he doesn't want any more kids! :)

My date was preparing dinner so he suggested to his son that he show me his frog... the frog turned out to be the coolest little creature I'd ever seen... I think his son must have caught on to my genuine enthusiasm over the frog, because then he started showing me all of his other "cool" toys, games, robots... etc... I tend to be a little shy, so I don't think my company "wowed" the boy... lol.. but he seemed to tolerate me okay...

I found that my nerves were eased slightly if I just pretended (in my own mind) that my date and I were just good friends and not someone I was romantically involved with. I don't know why it helped ease my nerves but it did... I am actually a bit surprised about just how comfortable I slipped into being around them... let's just hope that this 'natural' feeling continues if I ever meet his parents!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 7:21am

I'm so glad you had a good time! I think being a little shy in front of the son is better than going overboard to try to impress him, which is what a lot of people do. Being yourself is always the best thing to do, no matter where you are or who you're meeting.
The only thing I would say is that if you know you want children, and he knows he doesn't want more, be careful. He's not likely to change his mind, and if this turns into something super serious, you'll likely always miss the fact that you didn't have kids. I'm in the reverse situation, and I make it clear rather quickly, since there's no point in wasting my time if the man, no matter how great, knows he wants kids of his own. We're not right for each other in that case, as I'll never have more children.

Good luck, and stick around, we love having you!

Moody


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