MIA Father wants to now see his son
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| Fri, 06-16-2006 - 9:24am |
Hello All! More drama... I know I've written on the board before regarding this situation....
My son is now 2 1/2. He has not seen his biological father since he was 11 months old. We ran into his "dad" 2 weeks ago (June 3rd). Now... he has been calling :-( I don't know what to do... every since he saw his son 2 weeks ago he now says he wants to make arrangements to see him (before it was out of sight, out of mind). I myself saw him on December 2004 court hearing. Once for 10 min in 2005. And now once again in 2006. He HAD my phone number the entire time.
I thought he was just blowing smoke, and quite honestely I was not expecting any phone calls.... Well, he's been following through (right now). I know it will be short-lived (as it always is with him)... but I don't know how much legal right he has. Back in December 2004, the court ruled that he has the right to supervised visitation... But, he can't just "show" up... He would have to let me know 24 hours ahead of time to see him, I would have to agree with all locations, etc. He was allowed to see him at the daycare, but not leave with him.
But in all this time, he didn't once pick up the phone and do any of that until now... When we ran into him at the pool hall, he was with a new girlfriend (who knows which number this makes it)... And let me tell you she looked as shocked as I was to see his "son" as I was when his (didn't know this at the time) then live in girlfriend walked in the poolhall to "talk" to me... I bet this "new" girlfriend has dumped him since June 3rd's encounter, and that's why he is so keen on contacting me and is probably planning on trying to leach onto me again! He can DROP DEAD as far as I'm concerned! It will be a VERY COLD DAY in HELL...
So now he called me on Mon to make plans to see his son this weekend, and then said he would call on Thursday to make sure the plans are in progress, then supposedly he will call today again to confirm). Why he has to call so many times to make plans I don't know, but he has called when he said he would. (I said the only day this weekend would be today... I am feeling very uneasy about the whole thing... Also, I know he is probably getting money under the table because I don't think you can still collect unemployment money (that's where they said the $50 a month was coming from) and still be employed (even if it is part-time)... Right now he owes me over $8K
I think I might need to contact a lawyer before I agree to him seeing his son again... It's supposed to be for the best interest of the child... and right now I don't believe it's in the best interest of the child... Not like this... I don't feel that there are any good intentions, and quite frankly I don't want my son to be around such a bad influence (liar, womanizer, gambler, irresponsible, verbal abuser). I'm trying not to let my feelings of his father cloud my better judgement... I know what they say about a child needing his father (and this is his only tie to his bi-racial side)... but I feel powerless right now!

You need to follow the existing visitation order. If I'm reading this correctly, your order goes like this.....he is entitled to reasonable supervised visits and he must give you 24 hours notice, correct??
He should not be calling you so many times to confirm the visit. Once you have decided on a time and a place, he can call you 24 hours prior to the visit and that's it. You do not have to field a bunch of phone calls from him.
If he is allowed phone access to your son, put your son on the phone and let him talk directly to him. Phone access to the child does not mean phone calls to you.
I would seek out legal representation for the back child support, but not the visitation schedule. He probably could get more visitation time if he takes that to court. That's the risk you run if you go after the back child support, he might press for more visitation at the same time. You need to weigh the pro's and con's of that for yourself.
You have to allow visitation as directed by the court. Keep it simple and just do what you have to do. I agree with fivesens that you don't have to field a lot of calls. You have caller ID and voicemail - use them.
I think that you should always do what you can to promote a relationship between the father and the child as long as there is nothing present to harm the child - like the use of drugs, neglect, abuse, drinking, etc. You are lucky that you have supervised visitation.
I would definitely pursue child support - this is something you should be on top of all the time because the child is entitled to it and needs it for his present and future life. I would not wait until the father does something to displease you in order for you to pursue it. One month late is enough for you to report it or do what you have to do to get it. You have to set a boundary with it.
Sorry you have to go through this. You cannot worry about WHY he wants to see his son - just that it is good for his son to have his dad in his life. Hopefully his dad will grow up and become more responsible so he can add something to his son's life. You should document all of this and make sure he is good to his son.
Visitation and child support are always two separate issues. They must be treated separately.
Good luck and do your homework. Hope this helps!!
I appreciate the feedback... Both from you and fivesense...
I understand about the visitation schedule... I will document all of it... The thing that sucks is that my son is so young... and thereby he can't tell me what he's feeling right now (in details anyway) and I am being put in the middle of the whole visitation...
On top of that, I can't/don't trust his father... and in the 2 years I knew him I never once met ANY of his family... So I highly doubt any of them know the existence of this child...
The only thing I can laugh about (because sometimes it's better to laugh to avoid having to cry) is that my son came up on his own that he has two daddies... One is the one he met again, and the other is my bf who has been acting as a full time parent to him.
On another down note: The application to my apt was turned down due to my poor credit history... So I'm going to have to suffer it out with my mother for a while longer...
Diva,
Who knows why this man has turned around and decided he wants to see his son.