LOL Rebecca - you've been getting yourself in trouble with the Online Dating Board again! There are some scary women on there ;o)
Sounds to me like someone was a teensy bit jealous. You have certain criteria that you want from a partner, that's all. You're have a successful career and family life, and you have the looks and the character too - so it's obvious that some people will feel jealous of this. Don't let it get to you!
That whole date just sounds like it got off to a bad start. I bet he has little experience with dating and it threw him that you were out with a friend. Maybe he felt like he was the third wheel. So I could give him that much - that the online dating thing has probably not gone well with him, especially if he is on CL. But at the same time and to your defense, he did know that up front that he was meeting you with a friend. Maybe you want to rethink that for the next time?
I don't know - I think you have a very good intuition about the men you meet from what you have posted. And you are very funny and gregarious. He is just not the one for you and no matter what you said or did you would not change this. I find it very distasteful that he would not at least try to cover his own expense or like you say buy the first round of drinks. It sort of shows that he is not flexible or generous. If I was there and meeting you and a friend, I would consider it lucky to have a fun night out - and I would buy the first round of drinks and pay for them - not that I would keep a running tab - and I would also chip in for my stuff on the appetizer bill.
As for the poster that had a harsh opinion of you - she is entitled to her opinion - but it is based on her own set of morals and standards - so you can agree or not agree. I guess that is one of the things about posting here - we do come away with a big list of things to do or not do - some we may never have thought of - and we can keep some and ignore some. If you feel it is a personal attach you can hit the "report a violation" button and report it as such - or you can add her to the ignore list.
Hi there, West - I am still dropping by every day to see how you all are doing, just haven't been writing much recently. I think I got out of the habit when we were away for the summer, and am taking a while to get back into it - a bit like the school routine I guess ;o)
I have been following everyone's stories, and am happy to hear that you are having fun with your lifeguard. It's nice having regular updates.
We had a great summer - and we just got back from a week away with Monkey's parents and the kids. Now they have been back at school for just over a week, so we're slowly getting back into it.
Thanks for the welcome back! I will be sure to join in the next time we have a roll call to introduce myself to some of the new friends on this board.
Rebecca, I wouldn't worry about it. I don't think you sound at all selfish or mercenary. I think your posts are always splendid and extremely well detailed.
I also think that because you're completely honest with yourself and with us, you end up getting attacked for things that simply are a part of what you're looking for. There's nothing, NOTHING whatsoever wrong with knowing what you're looking for.
Just because someone else isn't looking for the same thing doesn't make you a bad guy, or the other person. Just means you're two different people looking for two different things. Thankfully we're a world filled with different people looking for different things.
I wouldn't censor your posts at all, or your thoughts, rather I would just know that not everyone will agree with you. I like the way you handled the situation, for what it's worth.
Moody, who isn't educated or into wine and still likes you anyways ;-)
Sounds like he was not perhaps a good match for you. Just wanted to comment on his spending part- sometimes when guys have been single till mid 40s they really are confused on dates.. not sure if he should offer, not offer.. believe me there are guys who get nervous inside about this dating thing.
I know this coz now I am with a guy who has been single till now ( mid 40s) actually never had a real GF for long-- only ones he had was where the girl literally went after him.. He told me one reason he is single is that he hates the idea of having to talk and impress a woman on first date.. I can see that now.. He is not very good at starting to talk.. However he is a great guy..He is very interesting once he is comfortable ( at least for me , he is..). on our first date we did split.. but he is NOT AT ALL cheap.. I know that now.. He volunteers to shop for me take me places and anything I like.. Just letting you think about another viewpoint..It is hard to judge by what exactly they do on first dates.. some guys just aren't good at impressing.. but they may be good partners if you give a chance.. But if you feel no chemistry or liking at all.. it is different issue. Looks like this last guy didnt impress you at all. Just telling you not to judge entirely based on spending part on first dates ( some guys also are not sure if they should or should not spend everything or split on a first date- but that should not be a way to write him off).. of course if he continues that after he is comfortable with you, then its different story.
I hate when that happens. There you are just "sharing" a dating experience and someone reads something into it. Happened to me one time, I didn't know what to do. When I re-read my post, I realized that the person took my "sarcastic humor" seriously. I try to keep it in check but it's hard because that's who I am.
Rebecca, you were ambushed. You are a sucessful, attractive woman. You need to be selective. I have never considered myself a snob, but I am when it comes to online dating. I have found, for me, I have no patience for : 1. people who can't spell, or write a coherent sentence. 2. unemployed guys 3. 40 somethings who have never had a serious relationship.
I don't want a relationship that bad, I guess. The "unemployment" is the one that really gets to me. The guy can pay each month to have a match.com membership, or have a free plentyoffish.com membership, but can't have a job, because he is "disabled". He can chat all day long online, but can't get a job at (say) UPS doing data entry?
OK - I realize I am a snob. How do I get myself out of that? Or should I? I guess I don't want to settle. Neither should you.
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LOL Rebecca - you've been getting yourself in trouble with the Online Dating Board again! There are some scary women on there ;o)
Sounds to me like someone was a teensy bit jealous. You have certain criteria that you want from a partner, that's all. You're have a successful career and family life, and you have the looks and the character too - so it's obvious that some people will feel jealous of this. Don't let it get to you!
Clem xx
That whole date just sounds like it got off to a bad start. I bet he has little experience with dating and it threw him that you were out with a friend. Maybe he felt like he was the third wheel. So I could give him that much - that the online dating thing has probably not gone well with him, especially if he is on CL. But at the same time and to your defense, he did know that up front that he was meeting you with a friend. Maybe you want to rethink that for the next time?
I don't know - I think you have a very good intuition about the men you meet from what you have posted. And you are very funny and gregarious. He is just not the one for you and no matter what you said or did you would not change this. I find it very distasteful that he would not at least try to cover his own expense or like you say buy the first round of drinks. It sort of shows that he is not flexible or generous. If I was there and meeting you and a friend, I would consider it lucky to have a fun night out - and I would buy the first round of drinks and pay for them - not that I would keep a running tab - and I would also chip in for my stuff on the appetizer bill.
As for the poster that had a harsh opinion of you - she is entitled to her opinion - but it is based on her own set of morals and standards - so you can agree or not agree. I guess that is one of the things about posting here - we do come away with a big list of things to do or not do - some we may never have thought of - and we can keep some and ignore some. If you feel it is a personal attach you can hit the "report a violation" button and report it as such - or you can add her to the ignore list.
Hi there, West - I am still dropping by every day to see how you all are doing, just haven't been writing much recently. I think I got out of the habit when we were away for the summer, and am taking a while to get back into it - a bit like the school routine I guess ;o)
I have been following everyone's stories, and am happy to hear that you are having fun with your lifeguard. It's nice having regular updates.
We had a great summer - and we just got back from a week away with Monkey's parents and the kids. Now they have been back at school for just over a week, so we're slowly getting back into it.
Thanks for the welcome back! I will be sure to join in the next time we have a roll call to introduce myself to some of the new friends on this board.
You keep having all that fun now!
Clem xx
Rebecca, I wouldn't worry about it. I don't think you sound at all selfish or mercenary. I think your posts are always splendid and extremely well detailed.
I also think that because you're completely honest with yourself and with us, you end up getting attacked for things that simply are a part of what you're looking for. There's nothing, NOTHING whatsoever wrong with knowing what you're looking for.
Just because someone else isn't looking for the same thing doesn't make you a bad guy, or the other person. Just means you're two different people looking for two different things. Thankfully we're a world filled with different people looking for different things.
I wouldn't censor your posts at all, or your thoughts, rather I would just know that not everyone will agree with you. I like the way you handled the situation, for what it's worth.
Moody, who isn't educated or into wine and still likes you anyways ;-)
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Hi Rebecca,
Sounds like he was not perhaps a good match for you.
Just wanted to comment on his spending part- sometimes when guys have been single till mid 40s they really are confused on dates.. not sure if he should offer, not offer.. believe me there are guys who get nervous inside about this dating thing.
I know this coz now I am with a guy who has been single till now ( mid 40s) actually never had a real GF for long-- only ones he had was where the girl literally went after him.. He told me one reason he is single is that he hates the idea of having to talk and impress a woman on first date.. I can see that now.. He is not very good at starting to talk.. However he is a great guy..He is very interesting once he is comfortable ( at least for me , he is..). on our first date we did split.. but he is NOT AT ALL cheap.. I know that now.. He volunteers to shop for me take me places and anything I like.. Just letting you think about another viewpoint..It is hard to judge by what exactly they do on first dates.. some guys just aren't good at impressing.. but they may be good partners if you give a chance.. But if you feel no chemistry or liking at all.. it is different issue. Looks like this last guy didnt impress you at all. Just telling you not to judge entirely based on spending part on first dates ( some guys also are not sure if they should or should not spend everything or split on a first date- but that should not be a way to write him off).. of course if he continues that after he is comfortable with you, then its different story.
Rebecca, you were ambushed. You are a sucessful, attractive woman. You need to be selective. I have never considered myself a snob, but I am when it comes to online dating. I have found, for me, I have no patience for :
1. people who can't spell, or write a coherent sentence.
2. unemployed guys
3. 40 somethings who have never had a serious relationship.
I don't want a relationship that bad, I guess. The "unemployment" is the one that really gets to me. The guy can pay each month to have a match.com membership, or have a free plentyoffish.com membership, but can't have a job, because he is "disabled".
He can chat all day long online, but can't get a job at (say) UPS doing data entry?
OK - I realize I am a snob. How do I get myself out of that? Or should I?
I guess I don't want to settle. Neither should you.
Thanks everyone.
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