Dang, Isysmoon... that makes me sad for you. Your post just sounds like you think you have to end it. You sound like you are just tired of dealing with things being "not-quite-right" even though there are many good things between you as well.
If I remember right... the whole process of getting the official ring just wasn't something that lit up your day (or week, month, year)... but instead, you felt pressured and somewhat upset that it was done. Not 'Yay, we're engaged!!!' but more like 'well, that's done- we're engaged finally." It was relief only so you didn't have to keep wondering when it would happen... but yet it didn't seem to have alot of excitement.
You might already have your answer. If you like to just date, then it looks like you can just date. But if you would like it to be more (more solid plans of a future being married, sharing homes, kids, lives,
'Yay, we're engaged!!!' but more like 'well, that's done- we're engaged finally." It was relief only so you didn't have to keep wondering when it would happen... but yet it didn't seem to have alot of excitement.
This was because he presented it and then immediately found unpositive things to bring into our lives.
Well, you know how things are going to go if you continue: the same.
If you leave and start something new: the sky's the limit!
I know it's really hard to leave someone, especially when things aren't really going "wrong". But you're not getting a full deal and neither are your kids. They deserve to have a good, happy and stable home. Doesn't sound to me like that will ever be an option if you continue on this path...
Isys, I have thought about you when I read some of your posts. Always felt that you are not happy with the relationship, but was trying to move on with it the best way you could. Even when you announced engagement, it didnt sound exciting. You have been working hard on this, trying to adjust with his moodiness, schedules, passive controlling nature..
Is it just the fear of unknown that is stopping you from breaking up? What do you have to fear? You have great kids. Good career..and you are a good person and I am sure you are beautiful too. Even I feel suffocated reading how he treats you or tries to control aspects of your life.
You want some one who will make you feel at ease with life and with whom things will move at a pace you like naturally.
I kind of know how you feel because I ended two relationships with kids and ex's issues. Both relationships we were planning futures together. I gave up before we got to the 'I Do's'.
You are right that you dont need his ex's approval. She gave him his freedom when she divorced him. She no longer has any claim to him. My first post divorce relationship was nearly ruined by an ex who thought she still had some ownership of him.
There are step parent support groups and boards that can help you. Not that we dont want you here. But they have the practical experience to help you and ideas that work for them. Step parenting is a unique challenge big time. It takes a strong person to attempt it. I believe there are counselors too that specialize in step parent issues.
What are his ideas for a future together? And how old are his kids? Would you consider postponing the marriage until the kids were older?
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"I think you've come to your own conclusion about what you want in your life and out of a relationship.
JH
So many comments here that tell me things wont likely work ....
Especially: Then he tells me how he envisions things never asking me what I want or how I want to include my family.
Dang, Isysmoon... that makes me sad for you. Your post just sounds like you think you have to end it. You sound like you are just tired of dealing with things being "not-quite-right" even though there are many good things between you as well.
If I remember right... the whole process of getting the official ring just wasn't something that lit up your day (or week, month, year)... but instead, you felt pressured and somewhat upset that it was done. Not 'Yay, we're engaged!!!' but more like 'well, that's done- we're engaged finally." It was relief only so you didn't have to keep wondering when it would happen... but yet it didn't seem to have alot of excitement.
You might already have your answer. If you like to just date, then it looks like you can just date. But if you would like it to be more (more solid plans of a future being married, sharing homes, kids, lives,
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
'Yay, we're engaged!!!' but more like 'well, that's done- we're engaged finally." It was relief only so you didn't have to keep wondering when it would happen... but yet it didn't seem to have alot of excitement.
This was because he presented it and then immediately found unpositive things to bring into our lives.
"I'm not getting that and I'm tired of the 5 day on and 5 day off with me lugging my clothes everywhere."
Yeah= who needs that?
Well, you know how things are going to go if you continue: the same.
If you leave and start something new: the sky's the limit!
I know it's really hard to leave someone, especially when things aren't really going "wrong". But you're not getting a full deal and neither are your kids. They deserve to have a good, happy and stable home. Doesn't sound to me like that will ever be an option if you continue on this path...
Jumping in here very late..
Isys, I have thought about you when I read some of your posts. Always felt that you are not happy with the relationship, but was trying to move on with it the best way you could. Even when you announced engagement, it didnt sound exciting. You have been working hard on this, trying to adjust with his moodiness, schedules, passive controlling nature..
Is it just the fear of unknown that is stopping you from breaking up? What do you have to fear? You have great kids. Good career..and you are a good person and I am sure you are beautiful too. Even I feel suffocated reading how he treats you or tries to control aspects of your life.
You want some one who will make you feel at ease with life and with whom things will move at a pace you like naturally.
Dont
I kind of know how you feel because I ended two relationships with kids and ex's issues. Both relationships we were planning futures together. I gave up before we got to the 'I Do's'.
You are right that you dont need his ex's approval. She gave him his freedom when she divorced him. She no longer has any claim to him. My first post divorce relationship was nearly ruined by an ex who thought she still had some ownership of him.
There are step parent support groups and boards that can help you. Not that we dont want you here. But they have the practical experience to help you and ideas that work for them. Step parenting is a unique challenge big time. It takes a strong person to attempt it. I believe there are counselors too that specialize in step parent issues.
What are his ideas for a future together? And how old are his kids? Would you consider postponing the marriage until the kids were older?
Laurie
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