More feelings than him
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| Tue, 07-11-2006 - 5:03pm |
My BF is still getting over his ex-wife - He is afraid to feel and never wants to get get close to anyone again.... It actually took a while for him not to try and push me away from him. He knows I care more about him than he does about me. He only says he likes me a lot and likes spending time with me and doesn't want anyone else. I do believe him, but I think I want more than that. I thought I would be happy just to have a companion to share my life with, but now I want more from him. I just want to be loved back.....
He has only been divorced for 2 years this past May and I know he is just not ready. I left my exhusband 4 years ago and I know I am farther along in the process.
It just really hurts to love someone so much and know that their feelings just aren't as strong as yours. I don't want to loose him, but I don't want to waste my time if he will never be able to love me back. I guess I just don't want to end up like the George Strait song - "You can't make a heart a love somebody".


Welcome to our board. I think many here can relate to your story - so don't feel alone.
Your simple statement, "I just want to be loved back....." sums it up quite well - and this is something you are really entitled to in a relationship. Everyone needs and deserves love.
To get it, you have to make it your priority. If you feel you have given your bf ample time then you have to cut the cord. There is nothing you can do to MAKE him love you - he has to be ready and do that on his own.
Sometimes people are still so attached to their ex and the memory of their ex that they can't proceed in a new relationship because they feel that a new one will (and it does) replace the old one and they have to give it up. They get stuck and can't move on. This is not anything about you or something being wrong with you - it is just about them.
I would have thought that 2 years would be enough time. But for some people it just isn't. Timing is a big issue in relationships - more than some would think.
I urge you to be realistic and true to yourself. I think that a lesson for all of us is to be downright selfish - either a person is a really good match and really into you or he is out.
It totally hurts to be so in love with someone and not to have them reciprocate and feel the same way. But there is nothing you can do about this. You just have to accept it and move on. You can get over him and you can find someone to love you back. Just have faith.
Maybe if you aren't ready to give up now, you can set a sort of deadline in your head of when you will make this decision. Whatever you decide, we are always here to listen and give our advice and encouragement. Good luck! Hope you stick around!!
I posted here too and it did not show up.....
Anyway, I thought about what you said and I think I am just going to stick it out and see what happens over the next few months. I know you can't make someone love you. But I also know that I don't want him out of my life either. He is wonderful overall. He is a great BF and helps me whenever I need it and takes very good care of me.
Next week he will be in Napa for a family reunion so that will give us time apart. I will of course be going nuts... we have not gone a week without seeing each other at least once since we met. But maybe this is what he needs to miss me. Sometimes I think I just make it so easy on him, that he doesn't have to make any efforts towards me. Who knows, but I am willing to stick it for now.