the most recent "talk" with MM

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
the most recent "talk" with MM
19
Sat, 10-18-2008 - 6:29am

i feel kinda sad but i'll be alright. I had a great time at meetup. Danced, played pool, many laughs. I could sense that MM had backed off but we still hung out. So i felt like maybe he and i needed another "talk" about being back in the friend zone. But i was gonna leave that up to him and not force it.


When it came time to leave, he walked me to my car and there was that moment of pause so i said, "are we back in the friend zone?" I'm glad we talked. This is kinda what he said, he doesn't take the fact that i'm a single mom lightly. And i guess he feels bad about how much trouble i have to go through to get a sitter and go out, etc. And he said "if we take this to the next level, i'm going to want to see you more..." but that's not possible with work and the children. So that's why he decided to back offf....


I told him, i'm cool with being friends. that we get along great that i don't want to lose a friend and don't want him to feel awkward around me. He said he didn't feel awkward but sensed i was holding back. I don't know what he thought i wasn't saying but i told him how i was going to stop overthinking, etc. I said, sure i'll still be the girl with a crush but we're cool. And i went to give him a hug. The hug lingered and felt good. I wanted him to kiss me.... and he looked like he wanted to kiss me, but we didn't. We kept it on the friend level.


then he sent me a text after i left saying "for what it's worth, i like you a lot." and something about how he doesn't take my being a "single mom lightly"...


kinda sad isnt' it...


But my gut says, if he was really "into" me, all this wouldnt matter and he would have said, "f it, i'll make it work, etc"... he was thinking far more long term than i usually do when i start dating a guy.. i guess that is to his credit... my text reply to him was "you are a good guy. i'm honored to remain your friend."


how do i feel? disappointed, sure. but i still gained a friend. And i have many other friends at meetup, too.


Loonybunny


Loonybunny

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Sun, 10-19-2008 - 9:13am

I think he is a very cautious guy when it comes to things in his life. On top of that he is polite.. So he talked about all sitter stuff.. He was just thinking about it and now came to his conclusion..


Dont think he is trying to sacrifice his feelings..that's so blah..


He wants to be just friendly.. If I were you, I wont be texting him back and forth.. You dont keep texting just any friend..You have your life and responsibilities and when the right guy comes along he wont care aout the kids and wont be texting you-Instead he will pick up the phone and call you.


Personally I think it is bit immature to keep texting at this stage of life.. If you want to talk you call and talk- else you go and do things in your life.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Sun, 10-19-2008 - 9:49am
thanks for the support... yea, i won't start to think he's sacrificing his feelings. that's bull. But i do believe that since he is a Capricorn that he was planning on taking his sweet long time to decide whether or not he wanted to take things to the "next level"... and i'm not that patient of a person. I like to either know where things are headed or move on. Or maybe he just likes letting me think that I made the friend decision. Either way, i think we are cool. I'm seeing him tonight and will see how we do emotionally. My friend at meetup thinks he really does like me and may still contemplate whether he wants to date me.... maybe, but as far as i'm concerned, I'm moving on.... and i'm no longer gonna over analyze his every more. If he doesn't come right out and say "i've thought about the kid thing and it doesn't matter. i want to date you"... then he
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sun, 10-19-2008 - 10:37am

I'm a Capricorn. I know pretty fast if I want to be involved with someone. There is the cautious, quiet side of Capricorn, which I have, but at the same time, I know if I want to see someone...then I DWELL and obsess about it!

While I like to have my friends be on my side when trying to figure out if a guy likes me I often find that they are wrong, simply because they are saying things to make me happy.

No settling! Keep chanting the HJNTIY rules. It is my new philosophy. To paraphrase, "If you don't want me, I don't want you."

In other words, I ain't chasing a guy anymore. Hasn't worked once for me. This new attitude has resulted in one guy asking me out without being prodded. It's kind of a powerful feeling in a weird way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Sun, 10-19-2008 - 11:42am

me too. i like the HJNTIY rules. Any guy who wants me will have to chase me....


(funny how MM said that book didn't apply to him, but i went and reread it anyway).... but either way, i feel at peace and more sane. i do what works for me! i see him tonight and will be sure to report how my feelings are doing and how we manage being just friends. i don't know if i mentioned already that i got another friendly text from him yesterday saying "i hope we will always at least be friends. :-)" i think it's possible because we started out as friends. we'll see.


and in our last chat he said, "this is all about how i feel but you haven't said how you feel".... but i already told him how i felt last week and he backed off... so i wasn't going to say again. The book said guys don't forget. If they are interested they pursue.... PERIOD.... so i'm not upset. i'm just getting it.


thanks again to everyone for the support.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sun, 10-19-2008 - 3:58pm

Don't want to sound mean, but when a guy talks about being friends, I feel that is his way of backing out without feeling like he is being mean. It is a way of kind of stringing you along.

BTDT. You want me, come and get me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sun, 10-19-2008 - 4:46pm

"Don't want to sound mean, but when a guy talks about being friends, I feel that is his way of backing out without feeling like he is being mean. It is a way of kind of stringing you along."

I find that as well... and if you haven't really been "friends" long before the first date, then typically you don't remain "friends". And that's because one of the two people involved want more.

The boy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sun, 10-19-2008 - 5:23pm

Yeah, as soon as the guy over the summer said the word "friend" when describing me, and not GIRLfriend, I knew I was toast. He was happy enough to continue as FWB, except he neglected to wonder if I was interested in being just "friends".

Lesson learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Mon, 10-20-2008 - 12:48am

thanks for the input. I don't get that from MM but ya never know. We met at meetup so we were

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 10-20-2008 - 1:32am
And have you prepared yourself for when he starts showing interest in another woman at meetup?
The boy

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