Mothers Day Advice
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Mothers Day Advice
| Fri, 05-02-2008 - 12:05pm |
I need some advice on how to handle this coming Mothers Day.
I received the following from the X:
"I expect a Mother's Day card from you this year as well as one from the kids."
The back ground:
The divorce has been final for two whole weeks. The separation/divorce battle lasted three years. The X by court order has had her visitation reduced to supervised email. This occurred because of on going emotional, verbal and physical abuse of the children. The abuse is due in large part to her on going, untreated/under treated/refusal of treatment,

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There is absolutely no reason for you to force the kids to do something that they are uncomfortable with or to do ANYTHING that she is demanding at this point!
April
it would be very different to me if we were talking about a mom who had been great in their lives and a teenager who was just being rude or rebellious and not thinking. Then I would insist that a card get sent.
Surely your ex knows that her history with them is damaged. it is up to her to get help for herself so that she can feel good about her role in their life, instead of just plain entitled.
Ill be interested to hear the others comments...
Surely your ex knows that her history with them is damaged. it is up to her to get help for herself so that she can feel good about her role in their life, instead of just plain entitled.
Part of the problem is she doesn't recognize that she has done anything to damage the relationships. In her mind everything is my fault and I am the one who destroyed her relationship with the children. She is very delusional about this. Some members of her family have even gone so far as to blame me for her Bipolar disorder.
Thanks for the advice.
I do not know much about bipolar. Is this absolutely a medical condition that leads to abnormal behaviour. I sympathise foryour wife and family. If it is a medical condition, would it make your kids feel better to know that mom is "sick" and dont mean to be mean towards them. If her beviour is due a medical condition then may
I know I am not the OP but I do have direct exposure to bipolar disorder.
April
I would delete her message and not force the kids to send it and just forget the whole thing. At least for this year. The dust and everyone's nerves need to settle for right now.
I am praying that somehow you can focus on your mom or just go and have fun somewhere so it won't be the focus. Explain that you hope she can get better but for now you don't want to upset them and everyone needs a break.
Dear heavens, you have all been through a pretty bad mental health state ringer. I am sorry for you! HUGS!!
This sounds sad and I'm sorry that you and your kids are dealing with the trauma. The best thing I can think of is to keep teaching your kids healthy boundaries and how to take care of and honor their own selves. Continue to teach them not to enable their mom even when she manipulates. Even if she is sick. Its not their fault. Its not your fault. Be true and honor your kids feelings, which it seems you are doing now.
Delete the email and don't buy in. If your kids decide on their own to talk to her on Mothers Day then OK but I would not force the issue or even try to persuade them.
Peace and love to you and your kids. I'm feeling for you and hoping for healing soon.
I am not an expert in bipolar but here is what I know.
Bipolar disorder is a relatively common medical condition, about 1% of the population. It is characterized by rapid uncontrollable extreme mood swings between depression and mania for no apparent cause. Some people experience more of one mood than the other.
The exact cause is unknown but it is believed to be genetic. The closest analogy I can come to is that it is a lot like epilepsy. However, the "seizures" instead of affecting the body affect the brain. It appear to also be degenerative in nature. Meaning the older you get and the more episodes you have, the worse it gets and the more episodes you will have. It can be treated with medication. However, people with bipolar disorder are often very resistant to treatment and not all medications work for all people.
Those who accept treatment can live normal happy lives.
Many people with bipolar disorder refuse medication because they like the mild mania that they usually experience. It gives them more energy, more creativity and the ability to work longer and harder. The fact that it impairs judgement and decision making is ignored. While in this manic state they can become extremely irritable and violent.
She does not think she is mean. She thinks it's perfectly ok for her to punch a kid in the face or kick them down the stairs.
The kids do know she has an illness, I and the therapists have been very clear on that matter.
I tried for 8 years to get her appropriate treatment. She tried to kill me twice and beat me up several times.
I don't mean to sound like I'm venting. I do truly feel sorry for her. She had the opportunity and the support to deal with her illness and chose not to. Now she is dealing with the consequences.
She does not think she is mean. She thinks it's perfectly ok for her to punch a kid in the face or kick them down the stairs.
I have not lived through this type of abuse but I did watch my best friend suffer through it and I still can't imagine!
April
The only other thing I was thinking is to leave the kids out and just send her a card signed by you to keep the peace? I was thinking that with her dangerous behavior you would not want to set her off and have her come near you? Is she able to do that? Because it seems as though mother's day could throw her over the edge?
What does your counselor say about this? Do you live near her? I would want to move VERY far away for good and never have her near you or the kids!!
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