Mothers Day Advice
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Mothers Day Advice
| Fri, 05-02-2008 - 12:05pm |
I need some advice on how to handle this coming Mothers Day.
I received the following from the X:
"I expect a Mother's Day card from you this year as well as one from the kids."
The back ground:
The divorce has been final for two whole weeks. The separation/divorce battle lasted three years. The X by court order has had her visitation reduced to supervised email. This occurred because of on going emotional, verbal and physical abuse of the children. The abuse is due in large part to her on going, untreated/under treated/refusal of treatment,

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I could send her a card from me, but I don't think I will. She is not my mother, she is not my wife, and while I feel sorry for her I have no particular other feelings for her.
I don't think there is a, "Happy Mothers Day from your X. Sorry your kids don't like you." card. ;-)
I don't think she will become violent at this time. That would be the dumbest thing she could do. She is supposedly getting treatment, she is on probation with two different criminal courts and is awaiting trial on two felony charges. For all I know she could end up in jail next week for a probation violation.
My counselor said either ignore it or tell her why she won't be getting cards. Either would be fine.
We live about 9 miles apart.
I feel it is not my job to force the kids to send her false messages of love and good feeling when they clearly do not feel those emotions for her.
Okay - that explains it more and sounds better. I would listen to your counselor - and ignore it.
What a horrible situation for everyone involved. I feel so sorry for the kids. How sad. I hope you can somehow enjoy your day -maybe you can make it "kids rule!" day? (I know - that is every day but they don't quite see it that way??)????
Sorry you have to deal with this and your kids have to cope with their mom not taking care of her illness since it directly affects them. You have done all you can do. The fact her visitation is supervised e-mail, and she isn't even managing that speaks volumes. Even if your X were sane, you would not be responsible for your children's relationship with her. You have offered to help them get cards, have modeled a sense of empathy, so that is really all you can do.
I have to also agree with West, will the lack of cards set her off in a violent way? I feel for you that your role as a father has you in the unenviable position of protecting your kids from their own mother, but you must. My X, PsychoBoy, is much like RLCH's (rebecca's) but he manages to function in the work world. He can't see how his own behavior has destroyed his relationship with our oldest son. If I know something will totally send him off into a nutty rage, I avoid doing that thing. Like I will never mention I have a guy in my life and that our kids like that guy. So anyway, if sending her some kind of acknowledgement from your kids on Mother's Day will prevent a traumatic event I'd do it. Don't make your kids do it, just do it yourself.
QueenBun
I don't think there is a, "Happy Mothers Day from your X. Sorry your kids don't like you." card. ;-)
Hahahahahaha!
Who knows- maybe you can start a new hallmark collection for crazy ex's!
Ignore. Plain and simple. It's best for you and it's best for the kids.
It is clear that you have empathy for her situation, but the boundaries you have drawn to protect you and your kids are what is important here. Yes, of course it is a sad situation, and unfortunate, but protecting them and adhering to their wishes is IMHO, the right road to take.
I don't have any sort of comparison with your situation, but my DD14 has NOTHING to do with her dad. For Christmas, she didn't want to give him anything. For his birthday - same thing. For Father's Day last year, she got ME a card and a gift (and an uncle she is really close to). Is it sad? Yup - do I WANT her to have a relationship with her father - of course! But she is old enough to decide, and she has set her own boundaries in their (lack of) relationship based on choices he made.
So, while that's not really advice, at least I can relate a bit.
You're a great dad, T-Mike. I'm glad you're part of this board!
Moon
I LOVE THIS!!! You could start a new thread with this...
How about: "Sorry to hear about McSkanky pants really bad haircut. Next time you probably should't recommend her to MY hairdresser"
LOL - TRUE STORY!!! And the hairdresser is the one who set SEV and I up!!!
Sorry, Mike - TOTAL HIJACK, but I couldn't resist...
LMAO!!
April
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