Move out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Move out?
26
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 2:08pm

So most of you know the story. You can imagine we are still not engaged. But I know for a fact that he has ordered the ring. which is coming sometime next week( he told me this, because he was confused about the setting). But then last night I told him that he needs to find out when his sis and family are going for vaccation

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: dancewithme2004
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 2:12pm

i think he moves like a turtle and you fly like a hummingbird - two different speeds.

It is important that he thinks things through and really wants this. If I was you I would book a weekend or week away to see family or friends and just chill so you can calm your own nerves. To me your nerves are more the issue than his taking his time.

If he is pushing for May to accomodate his family's schedule - instead of procrastinating and saying next May - that has to be good.

BREATHE!!!!!! Why don't you give yourself until next holiday season to worry about it? I bet if you forget something great will surprise you! Based on everything I have heard so far!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
In reply to: dancewithme2004
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 2:33pm

(((HUGS))) sounds like neither of you are too enthused about this. It shouldn't be about the wedding but the marriage. It might be best to sit down and talk to biker and decide if this is the right time. What's the rush? Maybe It's cus I don't know the whole story....


JMO

~~Tiny


I want

~Karen
˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡&#1244
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
In reply to: dancewithme2004
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 2:36pm

You need more than a couple of weeks to plan a wedding unless you are going to elope (in that case, it hardly matters what other peoples schedules are for a wedding date.)

April

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
In reply to: dancewithme2004
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 2:40pm

he should be enthusiastic enough to do this faster and tell everyone ..


Hey Dance.. Well I am always wary of using the word "should", especially when addressing someone else's thoughts or actions. Biker works at his own pace for his own reasons. Your perspective is different and when you assume you know best what he "should " do it will get you into trouble. I hear your frustration- but IMO what would be best right now is to take an objective step back- see this situation for what is, rather than what you automatically assume it to be. (doom)


He told me that Biker needs to

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: dancewithme2004
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 3:19pm

Sweetie. Seriously, listen to me. I dont have a LOT of marriage advice, but what i DO have is this "PEOPLE DONT CHANGE". This is NOT going to get better. I know we hear about all the great things about him, but truly, this is NOT what you pictured your enagagement & wedding to be, is it?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: dancewithme2004
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 3:41pm

I agree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
In reply to: dancewithme2004
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 3:48pm

Excellent post, Pac!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
In reply to: dancewithme2004
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 3:58pm

ITA those were my thoughts too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
In reply to: dancewithme2004
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 4:10pm
Hi Dance. I am getting more and more worried about you guys - you seem so so different and I know opposites attract but the things that make you different typically need to be things that dont bug the crap out of you for the relationship to still thrive IMO.
This pace issue with him will be recurring. There is no doubt about it and you are so high paced I think you will grate on each other over things at each turn. Are you prepared for that?
In reading your post I had this thought:
You know what makes all of the stress of planning a wedding doable? The blinding electrifying fact between you that you are dying to marry one another. I dont sense that from you guys yet. It worries me because I think it will make this whole thing overwhelming for you - let alone the marriage itself.
I really think the two of you should head to premarital counseling pronto.
Im sorry sweetie...I just really am worried about you.
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
In reply to: dancewithme2004
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 5:24pm

I also agree with the comments everyone has said. ((((((((Dance))))))))))


I still wonder why you guys have to be so secretive about everything??? I know you say you can't let your family know about living together- but do they even have a CLUE about you guys even thinking about marriage? Why hide the truth to anyone? And if it's "not okay"... then why did you move in?


I'm not saying that you should live your life based on what your family might think- but if you can't share any of this with friends, family, coworkers... then OF COURSE you would feel stressed inside! He's making you keep everything a secret!! That part I just don't understand.


I totally agree with Pacific... how Biker is, is how Biker is. It will only be MORE OF BIKER once you guys are married. Had to laugh about the "rocket in his butt" thing- but it's true. Just getting married won't make him move faster, if moving slow is who he is. And if you keep thinking about what Biker "should" do... it will only lead to resentment if he doesn't accomplish YOUR wishes for him.


Hugs... but I think a step back IS in order. Move out, think and regroup. Or break up if that's the case... but I think that to rush into anything, to pressure anyone into anything (even you pressuring yourself), or to have to convince anyone of anything... is just a step in the wrong direction. Things should be mutual.


~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

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