Move out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Move out?
26
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 2:08pm

So most of you know the story. You can imagine we are still not engaged. But I know for a fact that he has ordered the ring. which is coming sometime next week( he told me this, because he was confused about the setting). But then last night I told him that he needs to find out when his sis and family are going for vaccation

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
In reply to: dancewithme2004
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 6:16pm

Move out.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
In reply to: dancewithme2004
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 7:09pm

My opinion... even if you do move out, take a break, whatever and he does follow through and you get married the end of May like you want, I worry that everything will be so rushed that you won't be able to have the wedding you want and that will be another thing that you may find to resent him for.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
In reply to: dancewithme2004
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 10:47pm

Thanks Judy. I know it is my nerves that is causing more issue than his slowness here. Also could be bit of a cultural difference. I never envisioned staying with some one prior to getting married and here we just couldnt stay apart and I gradually ended up here and we had vaguely talked about May end or June.. and I was waiting for him to propose.. But in his mind a week or two of moving in was not a bit deal .and we were gradually settling in and he WAS plannin to do it..just not at the time I wanted... and after B&B I was totally upset more with myself on why I moved in. I am trying my best to calm down. We went out this evening to a big mall and walke around and talked calmly over great coffee. He said he will feel very bad if I moved out because it is not like we are not getting married..he said he did screw up with the timing thing and even then he didnt think this was so important for me to do it sooner than later once I moved in.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
In reply to: dancewithme2004
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 10:50pm
I think fall may be better and I may feel calmer.. I guess the whole planning thing maks me nervous especially when my parents are not totally agreeing for this. It was just that we had talked about May vaguely and I took it more seriosuly than he thought. I had made other plans for work and travel in summer and later.. so now kind of feel like I have to change all plans .
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
In reply to: dancewithme2004
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 10:52pm

"I am wondering why I cant calm down and enjoy being together and stop worrying about wedding date ."


Because you said yourself that you weren't comfortable living together without an engagement.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
In reply to: dancewithme2004
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 11:02pm

Thanks for your thoughtful reply Pac.. BTW when we were walking around in the mall I saw this store PacSun (for the first time) and I was like Hey there is PacSun and he was like "I didnt know you liked that store." lol.. Now I cant tell him hey that reminds me of someone ;-)


Well back to the story here.. you are right ..He does want to marry , just that he didnt think it was emergency to get married in May.. But for me once I moved in I wanted to move forward ASAP..


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
In reply to: dancewithme2004
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 11:06pm

I agree Rebecca that you dont have to live together to get married. So when I moved here I thought we are almost there.. ready to get married and expected no more delay and he does agree that we should be getting married soon , just that his time frame is a bit lagged than mine and I am impatient.


I think I should work on my patience issue also.. Dont you think. after all he is not like infinitely slow..or saying that we wont get married..

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
In reply to: dancewithme2004
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 11:09pm

Yes Moon, I agree I was stupid to think that moving out feels like the end of it all. I should agree we both dont want to stay away. He said he is okay if I want to be alone.. he said he can sleep in the basement , I dont have to go.


Any how today I am here, we will see tomorrow, if I cant feel calm I will go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
In reply to: dancewithme2004
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 11:15pm

City, Thanks for your thoughtfullness. Really it is not bad like I make it sound. I have to agree a lot of it is my problem and where I come from. But if I cant feel better we will consider a premarital counselling.


I do agree he is slow but helikes things he has to do to be doen at his pace. Now I should have thought about that. and besides it is not like he took several months to decide o get a ring. In some ways we started talking aout wedding only after Jan and I moved in late March slowly and he said he was definitely plannig it this month but I made it difficult after the B&B. I totally lost my calmness.


I havent moved back. I will see how I feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
In reply to: dancewithme2004
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 11:26pm

Hi Shrimpy, Yes my parents have a clue about the wedding thing. They just dont know that I am living with him. They are kind of okay with the wedding ( not completely). so everytime I call they asked if we are engaged. I cant talk too much about wedding unless we are engaged. I can talk to his parents since they know everything.


About collegues, he hasnt told me to keep it a secret. I could tell anyone I like. But we work in a very competetive field and lots of politics . I just dont want people talking about us untill we are ready to marry and have a date.. I am private tha way . also we are from different cultures and Biker is senior to me.. so it will be topic for juicy conversation. They may be guessing, but that is okay. I dont want to say anything unless we have a date or ring. Biker is kind of reserved person and he rarely talks personal stuff to anyone at work. I am the friendly one , I talk everything else apart from relationship stuff.. Like I tell people sometiem what i did on a weekend and so on.


So it