Moving on
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| Thu, 10-07-2004 - 4:28pm |
SO I move forward with this information and I know that it will take a SOLID effort to maintain this balance and not revert to the old ways. Over the past month I have really done a lot of thinking and prepping and have driven myself crazy actually. But I feel better and have for the past week. So today I decided to meet a new person. I had spoken to him on the phone. He had approached me and made an effort to contact me. He asked to meet me for coffee today which I did. I listened to him and talked very little. I watched him. And when we parted he said that he would like to see me again but he would leave that up to me. I told him flat out that if he wanted to see me again he would have to initiate that (basically that I wouldn't be calling HIM) and he said that if that was the case he wanted to see me TONIGHT! I laughed and told him that wasn't really possible and then she told me he was free for the next several nights if I could get a sitter. (he has a 4 year old daughter he picks up from school everyday and has every 4 days for 4 days). I told him I would see if that was possible and let him know.
So I think that went well. Right? I am feeling HIM out and seeing if he is what I want - not the other way around. I found myself always looking for someone to love me and I have decided that I need to find someone to love - that is worthy of it. My big thing is not putting someone in a corner which I did with Jack. I feel badly because I had a big enough hand in messing that up. from now on I will do it different (I hope)
On a side note - this guy is really really cute! In fact when he pulled up next me in his car he was way cuter than I thought he would be and I have to say as soon as he pulled in front of me my jaw just DROPPED. Yowsers!
Anyhow - I have been interupted 3 times while writing this so I hope it made sense. I think I will ask my mother to babysit tomorrow night and see how it goes. I am movign SLOW this time and NO WAY am I going to go too far without not only requiring a real commitment but knowing that this guy is worth giving it to. Besides that I still have feelings for Jack that I need to get past or work through before I would feel right moving forward completely. I need to remain focused and know what I want from these men before I accept anything at all. Which won't be anything less than EXACTLY what I want from NOW ON (dang it!)
So wish me luck. :)
Laura

That's a really interesting take on it. I don't believe you use people you love. I think you still see him through rose colored glasses.
I am glad you're moving on.
Does the new guy have a name? How did you meet him?
___________
Very well put!!! I think the best and biggest step is in figuring out what you want, that you are worth what you want and that not everyone wants what you want. The challenge is to fish for a fish that wants you and wants what you want. This takes time. Patient 'fisherladies' wait for the right catch.
So I am moving on and I am not looking at it in a "for now" sense - as Jack had said we are breaking up "for now". I didn't like that. We broke up. Anything in the future that is presented will be new and based on new "rules" and new circumstances. Or it won't happen at all. Either way - I am moving toward what I want right now and that is a relationship that at least has the possibility of leading to marriage. A person must want that when they go into it and not be "confused"
I put my profile up on Yahoo and decided that anyone who was really interested would give me personal contact info. I wrote a very long and detailed profile. He emailed me with his contact information and I sent back a "icebreaker" response of "where are my flip-flops you knocked my socks off!" hahaha. He then emailed me back and again encouraged me to contact him so I did. I then liked what he said - we talked an hour - and he asked me to meet him for coffee. So I did. then he asked to see me again and my mom is going to come and sit for a few hours so we can go to dinner tomorrow and I am going to stop by a charity benefit tomorrow. God help me he is in the racing biz LOL. So that is what I am doing. I am by NO means going to do anything physical (besides some kissing maybe???) until I am sure that I want to move forward with him in a committed relationship. It may fizzle and fall flat. He might just end up a friend. But all this can be determined if I keep my pants on. LOL. He is very nice and different from the other guys I usually meet online - besides Jack. He didn't mention anything sexual and was a perfect gentleman and seemed very into getting to know me as a person. I didn't feel uncomfortable or pressured. We went to the same college which was an art school. He has his own business. He seems to be a very hands on and concerned father and wants more children. He was in the military and was in the Gulf War. He was stationed in Korea for a long time and actually modeled for Benneton for a time. He also taught conversational English in Korea. His ex wife whom he was married to for 8 years is the daughter of a Senator for Oregon...... he talked a long time but he knows a lot about me too. He knows I have been married 2 times and knows those stories - knows about my work and my family. We talk a lot hahahahha.
So anyways. That is the lo-down. We shall see. I am not jumping like crazy and I didn't talk about Jack at all. He put 2 and 2 together that it has only been a month since we broke up so he is no dummy. But I don't feel I need to go into the particulars of that at all. We are only getting to know each other and all things will reveal themselves in time.
As I said before, there is a very big misconception about what went on with Jack and I but I know what the truth is there and he is not as bad as you all feel and regardless I have no ill will against him.
Laura
glad you got your thoughts together and slowly moving on. I think that's really really great! I also think that everyone's feedback was also right on the money. Make sure you just don't run into something again after having had such a long relationship. I always run into something new because I wasn't looking yet for the relationship, nor could I stand a long one. I am going to take at least a whole month off now before getting back on the scene, but it might even be longer. I need to refocus on my life. This means looking deeper within me. I spend a lot of time with my girls, but at the moment all I want to do is stay at home and shut the door from everyone except my girls.
Just one more thing I wanted to note in regards to you defending Jack all the time:
It isn't like we made him look soooo bad. You made him look so bad. When you were angry and sad, you told us stories that made you angry and sad, which in turn made us angry and sad, giving you advice, support, etc. As soon as you were ok with it all again and you and Jack were smoochy moochy, the ladies here didn't forget how miserable you were. Have you thought about that? Maybe it's not all us, but a little you, on how YOU MADE JACK LOOK. We all tend to vent and put out our saddness, but you made Jack look like a selfish, spoiled, child and I'm sorry, but we didn't see him to be right for you and your daughter; who deserves more. Just a thought....
I haven't read all your posts about Jack, but I understand your feelings. I just posted about leaving my commitmentphobic boyfriend. My boyfriend stated that he wanted marriage and kid in the beginning though. So I feel a little deceived, but I realize that mostly my ex boyfriend has a very real commitment issue. It's like a mental disorder if you ask me. My guy was having insomnia and, I believe, anxiety attacks over our relationship. I think he really would have liked things to work out, but it was impossible.
My friends got tired of the roller coaster ride. They got sick of him long before I decided to throw the towel in.
I believe commitmentphobic men are kind of 'nice' guys. They aren't bad like womanizers. They really are kind of pathetic too.
I hope this new guy works out for you. I'm going back to the online thing too. I've had good luck with that kind of thing.
Yeah I haven't had bad luck with that. I mean there are toads yeah but I think you do better with online stuff than just trying to meet someone at a bar or what-have-you.
Good luck with your hunt!
Laura