Moving along, but wondering......

Avatar for myprecioustwo
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Registered: 04-08-2003
Moving along, but wondering......
4
Thu, 05-24-2007 - 10:45am

Ok, so M and I have been now dating for the last 5 weeks, in contact for 8.

We have a great time together and I really enjoy his company. We have not been lovey dovey around the children and when we finally went out alone last night without any kids, we just held hands and we kissed twice, but it wasn't like a passionate kiss, but just a normal one. If you know what I mean. Anyway, we just seem to be on the same page, we seem to just have so much in common and we think of each other often. Everyday we say to each other: "hey, did I tell you today that I really like you?" It's like our daily ritual.
So why is it that now I'm almost more into a "friendship" then I am feeling passionate about him? Not that I really FELT passionate anyway, but I just seem to really like him, but it's not the lovey dovey or major into him feelings? It's just really liking him as a friend. We both said that we think we have great potential for something down the line, but shouldn't I be feeling something else now? I guess I'm really used to always going in heart first and now I'm just chilling. I think that should be a good sign, but is it? I mean shouldn't some passion feelings be involved? Shouldn't I want to be more affectionate and cuddly with him? Or is this something that could really be a healthy relationship and turn into something really good, where love just builds itself? Nooo, I'm not looking into being in love with him right away, but I guess I'm just thinking that I hope our fantastic frienship and our lack of affection doesn't turn into only friendship. Even though he is great, I sometimes have little doubts in my head about certain things. That maybe he is too country and too different culture wise then I am. I just often still feel that he is lacking certain things that I keep reminding myself, really didn't make me happy in the end. He does have the same dreams, he is really so much like me, but those little differences seem to irk me a little. I know I am OT'ing this all, but I tend to look into the future and though we have the same initial goal, I am not sure I am ready to settle in Charlotte. I still have dreams to be living some place else, like Chicago or maybe New York. I'm worried my unsettled life is going to keep me unsatisfied if I don't start learning to settle. I've moved 14 times in 12 years. I am ready to find my place, but the adventure keeps gnawing at me.

Last night, when we finished dinner and we went our separate ways, I missed him. When he's not around I miss him. So why am I so confused? It's obvious I like him, but I don't miss being passionate with him, I just miss him being around and us hanging out together; enjoying each others company.

I guess I'm just rambling.....Not sure what I'm trying to say, so I guess I'm just a little confused. I know that I don't have to know all of this now, but I wonder how long do you keep going out and moving along without eventually maybe hurting all those involved; ie kids/him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Thu, 05-24-2007 - 12:20pm

Wow, if we have a VP, you're definitely the President...

So, my take is that your hormones aren't leading your decisions, and that's a good, good thing.

It may be that you're so comfortable with him, you don't get all nervous and jerky when you know you're going to see him, which some people mistake for passionate butterflies.

How does he feel- is he respecting you because he knows you want to go slow and secretly wish to rip your clothes off and have his wicked way with you, or does he truly not care one way or the other about physical contact?

Does the thought of making out with him make you smile or cringe?

I don't know much about love, but I do know I think you're on the right track. I also think the things about him that bother you need to be evaluated- WHY do they bother you?

Is it something you can live with- long term? If not, that's okay, but be honest, especially with yourself.

Menawhile, think about what you have in common and how well you mesh. Does his life truly mesh with yours- the one you have, not the one you dream about?

One more thing, I get what I call wanderlust a couple of times a year. Moving isn't really an option for me, at least, not far, so I spice things up for myself. You have to learn to make your own adventure. For me, it's a new hobby, a different route to work, a drastic hairstyle change, a day trip somewhere I've never been- just something completely out of the blue for me. Sometimes I love it, sometimes I hate it, but really, there's not a lot to lose.

I say go with it for a while, but I'd love to hear everyone else's opinion on this!

Moody, spouting off a ton today


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Avatar for myprecioustwo
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Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 05-24-2007 - 12:55pm

How does he feel- is he respecting you because he knows you want to go slow and secretly wish to rip your clothes off and have his wicked way with you, or does he truly not care one way or the other about physical contact?

**He makes little inuendos that he can't wait for us to take the next step. Like not able to wait until we wake up together or take a nap together or something that insinuates that he wants to be more physical. Today he mentioned he really wants to pinch my butt sometime. LOL. We've talked about it and his exact words were: Most men are way to aggressive and either mess things up quickly or get into a relationship that is not worth anything but for one thing. I hope you have noticed that I am the type that respects a woman.**
**He has two girls that he's trying to teach the right thing too, so I think that says alot.***

Does the thought of making out with him make you smile or cringe?

**Definitely smile. I always get wowed when we have kissed.**

I don't know much about love, but I do know I think you're on the right track. I also think the things about him that bother you need to be evaluated- WHY do they bother you?

**I'm not sure why it bothers me. Maybe because he is in such awe of me about the places I've been and seen, so sometimes I feel our conversations may be limited. Like he just listens and he tells me how he loves to hear my stories and he'll tell me stories of growing up in his small town and it's just different. He's never lived anywhere else. To me it just seems his scope is so small, but at the same time, he asks alot of questions regarding my culture, what things are like in Europe that he loves listening to me speak German to the children and could just do it all the time.**

Is it something you can live with- long term?

**Again, I don't know. It's so hard to find someone like him and then I have to think what is really important and what is just a nice to have. **

Meanwhile, think about what you have in common and how well you mesh. Does his life truly mesh with yours- the one you have, not the one you dream about?

**Our lives are SO alike. We have the same exact thoughts about raising our children and that is a HUGE plus for me, because I have always found flaws and this time we are totally in sync. AS far as the moving thing, I make all of my dreams into a reality. Everything that I have set to do, I've accomplished. M just kind of has very simple dreams and ideas. I desire them too, because both of us are really simple and when he says those things, it makes me brighten up, because it is the type of thing I have always desired, but desired LATER down the line, not now. I still feel I have a lot of life to explore. Sometimes, I can't see him doing some of the things that I would want to do, because he's just so easy to please and doesn't seem to have a lot of ambition, except where his family is involved. He puts himself last, so he doesn't allow himself to dream, but to accept things the way they are. He always says: it is the way it is.**

**I have thought about maybe just needing a trip someplace to feel settled again. We all know the BEACH is out of the picture because of Jesus Sandals. M really enjoys day trips as I do and he even mentioned us going to Florida in July, because he has friends down their he wants me to meet. All the kids will be gone, so that would be our chance. He's totally open to us going and doing things. M is just "different". Kind of a biker, but not. We are so much alike, but somethings are just so drastically different. HOwever, when he came over to pick me up last night, he had his business suit on and glasses that I didn't know he wore. My oldest DD almost had a heart attack. She said he looked AWESOME. I had to admit, he looked fantastic. Out of the blue jeans and t-shirt into a very smart look made me start thinking. Then he mentioned to me that he is very broad in the things he likes and enjoys. So maybe I just need to wait and see.. I just sometimes feel a LITTLE embarrassed because his accent is SO North Carolina THICK. I am very grammar correct and so I tend to correct him, but he says he's happy that someone does and he tries so hard. I wonder and worry that my family, my friends, my colleagues would just keel over. But when I see him wanting to do something, trying really hard to do things, it makes me just want to hug him and give him a big kiss, because I know he is doing his best.

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Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 05-24-2007 - 6:40pm

From what you write, I think you are doing quite well. I think it is okay he is a little different - it sounds like his tried and trued ways can complement your more adventurous ones. And you really have to look forward - for where you are going - rather than backward as to what you were (meaning the travel stuff). And it sounds as though he is stable, has the experience of kids and seems to be successful and happy and kind. And that is all quite good. I know the accent throws you - but somehow maybe it can grow on you?

It sounds like he is truly worth your time.

Also with the chemistry thing - I think it sounds like he admires you and thinks highly of you and that he is holding back. One of these days he is going to surprise you with the sparks.

Keep us posted.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 05-25-2007 - 10:31am
I guess I must really like him, because I suddenly found myself sitting in my car yesterday and driving to his office to bring him lunch. He was so happy, because he usually doesn't have time to run some place to grab something to eat. We just sat in the office, ate and he was able to do some business while we spent some time together. Tonight we are going to see his oldest DD play softball and then we'll get something quick to eat, go to his place and watch a movie that I rented for him to see (Night at the Museum). Alex my oldest is at a spend the night tonight, his girls will be with their mom after the game, so it'll just be Nina, M and myself. She's excited to spend some alone time with us and to show him the movie, because it's now her favorite.