Moving a boyfriend in

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2008
Moving a boyfriend in
21
Wed, 10-08-2008 - 10:26am
I have been seperated/ divorced for 2 years now. I have been with my current boyfriend for 7 months.
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 10:55am

I agree that if marriage is part of the equation, that yes, moving in first is a good idea. Maybe not for years, but definitely before you get hitched. After almost 5 years on this board, a lot of women don't until they are married or they rushed and it was a huge mistake.

And let's ALLLLL BE HONEST. It's not how long you know someone, because some people who knew each other less then a year, have been extremely happy living together and eventually married. AND I know so many that were together with their SO for years, never moved in together and it was a total fiasco when it did happen.

Being married or not, moving in or not, is always a risk. You have to know in your gut if that is the right person and if you want to make that leap. Integrating the children is always going to be a risk. If we all were constantly so careful, then we might let good things slip away or we might end up alone, because we are too careful. We have a few ladies here that have chosen to move in within a year and a few that have waited a few years.

As far as your little boy, he is only 5. I wouldn't put much stock into what his small mind is thinking, because he does like your SO. Several factors: He just might love being with mommy all the time and doesn't want to share, or your X might have some influence, but all that will go away once you have more time together and let your little guy know that no matter what, he's always going to be number one. Keep the communication open with the little guy, but don't let his thoughts, unless REALLY valid, make your choice. January is still a ways off, so just take baby steps with him and make sure both you and your SO make him feel secure and happy. Children ages: 5-9 tend to have lots of jealousy issues with Mommy sharing. I'm going through my own, with my 7 year old when I leave the house now. She loves just knowing she has me all to herself.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 12:24pm

Living together before marrying was something I use to think that would be the logical thing to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 1:44pm
I wonder if living together before engagement/marriage is more detrimental when one of those in the relationship (lets just say the woman for example) thinks in the back of her head and expects/assumes that an engagment/marriage is forthcomming...maybe
pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 1:50pm

For him it could be that "hey, we are living together, that is great, why change things?"


You mean the 'why buy the cow when I'm getting the milk for free' mentality? LOL!!!!!!


Just to clarify, SEV doesn't REALLY have that mentality - just 'It sounded better in my brain before I said it' sense of humor sometimes. :-)

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 1:54pm

I agree on the Mars-Venus thinking.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 2:02pm
To clarify, I feel it should be known that marriage is the next step and preferably engaged prior to moving in. However, families blend in different ways. I was engaged before I moved in with my X and we had the date down to live together a year then marry. I think some sort of date is important, to know that you are heading in the right direction and that one isn't just milking the situation. Not all cases are such, so I think one has to be careful with the terminology, but some bad eggs sour (leading on)can sour others opinion and milk.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2008
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 3:02pm
Well Like i said I know Marriage is down the road....heck he would pop the question tomorrow...lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 3:10pm

LOL Moon! Oh God you must know I wasn't even thinking of you when I wrote that! I KNOW SEV does not feel that way. He was just having, as Sunshine so elegantly stated, a major brain fart. lol!!


But actually, I think if two people go into living together with the SAME expectations- even if their expectations are for not getting engaged anytime in the near futre, as long as they are on the same page, it works better, KWIM?


And lol about the 'sounded better in my brain before I said it' thing. BE is famous for that!


pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs



Edited 10/9/2008 3:10 pm ET by cl-pacific_sun


Edited 10/9/2008 3:11 pm ET by cl-pacific_sun
pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 4:02pm

You know, each relationship has it's own timetable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2008
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 4:18pm

trust me I wish my ex would butt out when it comes to alot of things.