Moving a boyfriend in
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Moving a boyfriend in
| Wed, 10-08-2008 - 10:26am |
I have been seperated/ divorced for 2 years now. I have been with my current boyfriend for 7 months.
| Wed, 10-08-2008 - 10:26am |
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I agree that if marriage is part of the equation, that yes, moving in first is a good idea. Maybe not for years, but definitely before you get hitched. After almost 5 years on this board, a lot of women don't until they are married or they rushed and it was a huge mistake.
And let's ALLLLL BE HONEST. It's not how long you know someone, because some people who knew each other less then a year, have been extremely happy living together and eventually married. AND I know so many that were together with their SO for years, never moved in together and it was a total fiasco when it did happen.
Being married or not, moving in or not, is always a risk. You have to know in your gut if that is the right person and if you want to make that leap. Integrating the children is always going to be a risk. If we all were constantly so careful, then we might let good things slip away or we might end up alone, because we are too careful. We have a few ladies here that have chosen to move in within a year and a few that have waited a few years.
As far as your little boy, he is only 5. I wouldn't put much stock into what his small mind is thinking, because he does like your SO. Several factors: He just might love being with mommy all the time and doesn't want to share, or your X might have some influence, but all that will go away once you have more time together and let your little guy know that no matter what, he's always going to be number one. Keep the communication open with the little guy, but don't let his thoughts, unless REALLY valid, make your choice. January is still a ways off, so just take baby steps with him and make sure both you and your SO make him feel secure and happy. Children ages: 5-9 tend to have lots of jealousy issues with Mommy sharing. I'm going through my own, with my 7 year old when I leave the house now. She loves just knowing she has me all to herself.
Living together before marrying was something I use to think that would be the logical thing to do.
For him it could be that "hey, we are living together, that is great, why change things?"
You mean the 'why buy the cow when I'm getting the milk for free' mentality? LOL!!!!!!
Just to clarify, SEV doesn't REALLY have that mentality - just 'It sounded better in my brain before I said it' sense of humor sometimes. :-)
I agree on the Mars-Venus thinking.
LOL Moon! Oh God you must know I wasn't even thinking of you when I wrote that! I KNOW SEV does not feel that way. He was just having, as Sunshine so elegantly stated, a major brain fart. lol!!
But actually, I think if two people go into living together with the SAME expectations- even if their expectations are for not getting engaged anytime in the near futre, as long as they are on the same page, it works better, KWIM?
And lol about the 'sounded better in my brain before I said it' thing. BE is famous for that!
Edited 10/9/2008 3:10 pm ET by cl-pacific_sun
Edited 10/9/2008 3:11 pm ET by cl-pacific_sun
You know, each relationship has it's own timetable.
trust me I wish my ex would butt out when it comes to alot of things.
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