Moving in update and stuff

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Moving in update and stuff
25
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 2:28pm

So....


I've finally got everything over there and BE has been good about wanting to make the place feel right for me and DD. The only issue "stuff wise" is that he has his whole life history on the walls, on the shelves, covering every space. Stuff from here and there (no ex pictures or anything like that- just stuff from HIS life before me). He does display our pictures of us together and things we have acquired while being together- but his past is full of stuff he seems to really like having around. I mean everywhere.. every nook and cranny has some THING on it... a shell from some beach he went to 10 years ago, a ceramic armadillo figurine from his traveling in Arizona, plates and souvenirs from places he's been and things he has done...hundreds of these things.


The thing is that I am more of a minimalist and I do have "stuff" but mine is less of sentimental value and more of an aesthetic thing...like a vase, or a piece of artwork that needs some space to be appreciated (and not shoved in some little space between his wall hangings.


Plus my stuff makes me feel at home and so far we have not had space for it. I am drawn to things that are earthy like my candles, my polished stones, an old wood Asian box, my cedar chest. I feel "lost" without having some of my things around me. Is that weird?? I have felt kind of claustrophobic with everything being his.


He has said that he will take down a lot of his trinkets and things. It just has not happened YET. So I sort of put my boxes of MY stuff in the living room to make a point that I am not going to just store them all away.. I need to feel "me" in his place too


Things do progress...he knows how

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 2:37pm

Hey Pac!


Is there a way that you can get a place that isn't his or yours but yours as a couple...i.e. move into a new place?

Cat
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 2:46pm

Hi Cat-


We've talked about getting a new place. But its too feasable yet, because we would be throwing money away if we rented, and we have looked at a few homes to buy but he would have to sell his place first. And that would take time in this market plus it needs renovations. There is still the possibility of renting out his place and buying a new house. But that option won't even be feasable till the spring. So in the mean time.. its a matter of feeling like I can have "me" in his place. Is is wierd how out of sorts I suddenly feel there, when

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 2:46pm

OMG Pacs!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 2:56pm

I would LOVE to have neutral territory..but yes with the markets now we will have to wait a while.


Well that is good that EG wants you to be part of the renovations plan. I'll keep my fingers crossed that he follows though! That would be a positive step, right?


I am about to call BE and tell him I figured out what has been the bur in my saddle about the "stuff". Because I don't think he really gets it yet. I "lost" myself when I was married. I had to deal with my ex's messy ways and his junk. I felt like the real me got lost during my marriage and I had to sacrifice my style because he did not care at all about style or the "feeling" of certain things. His world was football, video games and he did not share my artistic need for things that are visually appealing and "feel" right. It was so wonderful to get my own place and have the "energy" feel right.. things that were me and dd, and I love feeling like I got to be me again.


So here I am in BEs place and I know he cares my feelings.. but I'm not sure he understands how I feel homesick and how important it was for me to find myself again and how now I feel displaced. Its wierd I know... because "stuff" should not make me feel like me but I can't really explain it. Its just a feeling you know?


pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2008
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 2:59pm
How long have you "officially" been in there.

JH

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 3:06pm

I've ghosted on this board since BG's accident.

Cat
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 3:11pm

That would be a positive step, right?


Yes it is a positive step IF it happens.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 3:23pm

Pac, I think what you're feeling is absolutely normal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 3:50pm

OMG, CAT!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 4:21pm

CAT!!!!!


CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!


I am thrilled for you!! You sound so happy and wow what an UPDATE! Holy smokes!!! That is an incredible story about how BG has done his 180 and figured out what he was missing by not having you in his life. And he sounds very proud to have you in his life. He should be!!


So when is the big day??

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs

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