Moving in update and stuff

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Moving in update and stuff
25
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 2:28pm

So....


I've finally got everything over there and BE has been good about wanting to make the place feel right for me and DD. The only issue "stuff wise" is that he has his whole life history on the walls, on the shelves, covering every space. Stuff from here and there (no ex pictures or anything like that- just stuff from HIS life before me). He does display our pictures of us together and things we have acquired while being together- but his past is full of stuff he seems to really like having around. I mean everywhere.. every nook and cranny has some THING on it... a shell from some beach he went to 10 years ago, a ceramic armadillo figurine from his traveling in Arizona, plates and souvenirs from places he's been and things he has done...hundreds of these things.


The thing is that I am more of a minimalist and I do have "stuff" but mine is less of sentimental value and more of an aesthetic thing...like a vase, or a piece of artwork that needs some space to be appreciated (and not shoved in some little space between his wall hangings.


Plus my stuff makes me feel at home and so far we have not had space for it. I am drawn to things that are earthy like my candles, my polished stones, an old wood Asian box, my cedar chest. I feel "lost" without having some of my things around me. Is that weird?? I have felt kind of claustrophobic with everything being his.


He has said that he will take down a lot of his trinkets and things. It just has not happened YET. So I sort of put my boxes of MY stuff in the living room to make a point that I am not going to just store them all away.. I need to feel "me" in his place too


Things do progress...he knows how

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 4:26pm

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 4:37pm

It takes time to really make your mark, and since BE is fond of some of his items, you may have to be subtle about it, and it may take time.


Thats true. And I naturally want things done faster than him and so I need to adjust a bit. I started feeling lost and claustraphobic over the past fews days...unrealistically I know... but with BE being out most evenings (my prompting for him to keep his regular schedule) and me there sitting with all HIS stuff around I felt lost and homesick for my place.


I called him just a few minutes ago and told him why I've been whacked out about the stuff. I explained that after I got my own place it felt so good to feel "me" again. And with not being able to make my mark yet at his place(and I like the idea of begining to say

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 4:52pm

You are so much like me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 5:02pm

His response: 'I'm so proud of you right now.'

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 5:14pm

Officially just over a week...so not long, I know. Yes you could say I'm a neat freak, and part of that comes from the fact that my ex was a slob...and if I did not clean up the place was a sty. And his clutter and crap dove me nuts. So when I had my own place I would come home and sometimes just breath in and plop down on MY couch and see all my things and feel so at peace finally. It sounds like my

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 9:20pm
Hey missy!
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 10:07pm
Lol- you have more patience than I: I would be in there taking down tons of his stuff to make room for "our" stuff (read MY stuff) LOL!
The boy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 10:36pm

Hi Pac,


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Wed, 09-24-2008 - 12:28pm

Thanks for your encouragement and words of experience Dance.


last night was a start.. except for the photo album thing! I kept my boxes in the living room- and I opened up my stuff to find room to put it in the living room. He decided to make room in the closet as well as three display shelves. He said I could "just put the stuff that you don't have room for in the closet for now".


OK, I know he is trying to be helpful. It just sucked because again it felt like was trying to have me just shove my stuff aside so he can move his stuff at will on his timetable which by past experience can be mind numbingly drawn out and put off. So I said no, thanks for the closet space but I will use that for my jackets and blankets.


We are getting there...inch by inch. Slooow process! Sigh. I should seriously take a chill pill.


Yes- I gave up my apartment. I LOVE not paying the steep rent I was paying. But I am a bit homesick for my "space" ..I know that will fade. DD loves the new place! She has a very cool new bedroom that she does not have to share with me, and she a next door neighbor girl she get a long with. She is doing good!


So....how are you feeling these days??


pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Wed, 09-24-2008 - 2:12pm

That is like BE sometimes. He says all the time what he wants to do but then when I get anxious to "get er done" he says to have patience. So I guess we are on a different timeline, too.


You know?