My daughter's father

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
My daughter's father
25
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 2:37am

My daughter's father (my 1st XH) made contact with me today for the first time in 7 years!!! My daughter is 12. She has only seen or spoken to him 3x since she was 2 years old (when he left) and the last time when she was 5 he disappeared again. What do I do?!?


I blame the internet. He found me on myspace.com. I've only been on for about 2 months. My daughter actually asked me a few weeks ago if I could help her find him & if I thought he was

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 5:42am
he's now questioning whether she is even his! Do I need this sh*t? NO!!!! Why do I even
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 7:17am

JERK!!!

Did he say why he is trying to see her/contact her if he thinks she is not his?! I didnt get the impression that he pays child support...what does he want out of all this?

--tj

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 7:36am

I think I would stop all contact with communication of this nature. It is too upsetting to you.

I think I would say that I welcome him at anytime to take the formal and legal path of DNA testing and financial support should he want it.

He is too unstable for being able to ADD anything to your situation. That is a shame. I hope you do not take it personally but realize that he is unable to be stable due to the drugs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 11:18am
I think he's just trying to mess with me! I haven't told her yet. And I'm not planning on it either. Did I mention he's emotionally unstable?!?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 11:49am

I completely agree with momofthree2100. I was also on the other end of this as a child. I always (and kinda still do) harbor feelings against my mother for keeping him from me. On the other hand, once I met him (also a drug addict) I realized I wasn't missing much and it closed off all the illusions I had created in my mind that he was this fairytale father.

Of course as a mother you'll be careful and maybe a supervised visit would be best?

In any case, good luck...stay strong! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 1:08pm

I think that is important - to have a sort of answer or closure - but to me that would only be good when the child is old enough to realize it. That must have been so hard for you to deal with - to have the disappointment and anger that your mom kept him from you only to see what was really there. I am sorry for you. Maybe reading this thread will help you realize all your mom had to deal with too.

I think instances like these are hard for everyone - the child who gets so disappointed and is denied the simple love, time and attention that most fathers bring. And the mother who must deal with the load of raising a child alone and even dealing with the father being such a jerk.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 9:28pm

Well, here's the latest. I got online when I got home today and the myspace IM was up. It said he had sent me an IM at 8:04 this morning. I saw he was online so I said. Are you there. We need to talk. IT WAS HIS WIFE. Boy was she a psycho. She told me I was messing up his life with my accusations (what accusations?!? the only thing I've asked of him is to tell me about his life so I can see that he's stable and not going to disappear on my daughter again.) And that if I wanted to discuss this I needed to go thru her. OMG let's just say

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 10:51pm

How old is your daughter? And how far do they live?

I think you should remove the myspace thing and not respond to any more emails or communication.

If he is questioning his paternity and his current wife is not open to having you all in her life you may have no worry.

You might want to notify the school so that they won't let anyone pick her up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 11:16pm

Thanks West for responding. My daughter is 12. They live in Ohio. I'm changing our home number tomorrow and will get it unlisted immediately. Have already removed myspace im from computer, however I don't know how to remove other stuff, like on peoplesearch.com etc.


I'm afraid if he's ignored, he won't give up until he gets a hold of her next.


I now

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 11:33pm

Ok, THAT changes everything!

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