My day at the races...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
My day at the races...
6
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 9:29am
Jack arrived at my house at 9:00 am and we left by 9:30. By the time we got there it was noon. We went and got our "cold" passes (gets you into pits and garage before and after the even but not during) and walked out there. Where yes indeedy I met Jack's father. It was so close to the start of the race though he wa in concentration mode and he offered us some food and stuff and gave us hot passes (so we could be there during the event) and told us we could hang out in the suite today. (I think usually he entertains clients in there and they aren't big but that was the advantage of going to the Busch Race and not the one today)

We found my trailer that I designed even though it wasn't "open" I got great shots of the outside, which is what I needed. So that worked out to my advantage! We tried to find his cousin Blaine but couldn't so we headed back to the suite.

I met his Aunt Sheila, Uncle Frank and their daughter Jessica (my age) But Blaine who had been there had gone down the vender trailers :( oh well. We hung out there for the rest of the race pretty much. His Aunt Sheila was GREAT! (his Uncle Frank is his dad's brother) They were all fantastic actually and were hugging me goodbye and his Aunt told Jack he better bring me around more often! LOL.

I wanted to hit the pits but we had been visiting so much we got down there and there were only 2 laps left! LOL. SO we just walked up once and then got out. Which was hard - all the entrances back to the garages were blocked by securty people but they let us back. One security guy on a bike told us we couldn't go to the trailers/garage but Jack pulled rank hahahahaha. I was a little bummed because I wanted to see his Dad again and we had to return the passes so someone could use them tomorrow. And lo and behold in the vacant garage area, there he was.

We all talked briefly and returned the passes. He told Jack he wanted to fly to Ohio this week, that we should get out befor traffic backed up (still took an hour to get out once we got in line! UGH) and then regarded me one last time. He looked better than his pictures and looked very happy to meet me - that was about it. Jack asked me later what his dad's reaction was because he said he was distracted hehehe. I told him that his dad gave me a "come hither" look, laughed (because I was JK) and then told him he flashed me a really great smile and looked very pleased. *sigh of relief* - from us both!

He didn't introduce me as "his friend". He introduced me with my name only but everyone knew he was with me. They knew I was his GF and they were all very pleased and Jack I think was pleased too.

All in all a very tiring day but great. Couldn't have gone better. I really liked all the family members very much and I have a pretty good feeling I will be seeing all of them again. Why Jack had been so reluctant I will never know. I don't even think he knows LOL But I know that once we were going he wasn't nervous at all - I was a wreck!

So nothing bad or embarrassing happened at all! YAY! And we all liked each other! YAY again!

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 1:12pm
This is a start and a very nice day for you. But the key is that he has to keep the momentum - include you more often and as GF.

Good luck!! Hold back your heart a little and wait and see.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 8:39am
True -

As nice as it was to hang out in the suite because of it being the smaller race - Sunday's race would have been more fun! His Dad's drivers won 1st and 2nd!

Next hurdle....his mother. And I think that is the hardest one. I know that is the next hurdle because - well I KNEW that just by how his Aunt had talked about her and all the things in the past but it was proven when yesterday he called and talked for 45 minutes straight about her. It started normally but when he got on that topic he kept going - talling me about her issues, her past, their relationship. BLA BLA. I told him something not so great after about a half hour. I told him that I didn't think I liked her very much. I explained that I don't KNOW her but from the small experience I have and after listening to his stories I didn't like her very much! He understood and I don't htink took offense but oh well. She prejudged me the minute she met me and actually told him it was SIN to be with me. The woman is a wack. OR she is very lonely and is scared to death of sharing her son with another woman (likely BOTH hahaha)

My advice to him was to stop being so concerned about his mother's unhappiness and realize that it isn't his job to make her happy! Why are men so dumb about this??? The reality is although he shows the possibilty of overcoming this way of thinking....at his age it will be a statistical challenge. SO...I wait.

One thing that is certain is with the holidays coming on fast there will be some progress or not. and if not....

The one thing is his sister and BIL are adopting a baby soon and I am sure she will have a shower. Should I be invited? Or should I really wonder is Thanksgiving comes and we are not together. I already told him I wanted to go to Ohio with him and we would drive back on Friday night because my brother's wedding is on the next day (don't ask me as I thought that was a STUPID move on their part but oh well). I did tell him I thought that is what SHOULD happen..... man, I obsess!

We'll see.

L

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 9:55am
I think you should chill about his mom and meet her. Give her a chance. He might be afraid and making a big deal about it.

But don't ever ever underestimate the power of a poisonous MIL on a relationship. My marriage dissolved over this matter. You will never change him or his mother - those two things are set in stone.

I would push to meet his mom now - very soon - so you will know. You must do this before the holidays or worry for a baby shower, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 11:20am
I did meet his mother - in fact he didn't freak out about me meeting his mom and all and our relationship was going just fine until then. I met her a little over a month after we started to date. There was an outdoor even sponsored by his Dad's company that she was going to be at so we went. I brought Alyse - at the time she was only a little over 1 1/2. It was so crowded that I sent him off to find her alone and to come a get me when he did. So he found her and told her he had to go get me - I think he said "his friend" at that time but it HAD only been a month. He seemed happy to introduce me. Well, she freaked - not there but later. She was really quiet and seeing Alyse threw her for a loop. The meeting was very brief. Afterward we went back to his place and he was going to head over there to practice (he has a grand piano that he won't move into his condo because of sound/size) and I had said "are you ready for the 3rd degree) and he has smiled and said yes. Well, that day wasn't bad and nothing happened BUT about a week later his mom brought it up again and told him that he shouldn't be dating a divorcee with a child - that it was a SIN! And that he was ruining all chance of me "fixing" my family. She blatantly told him to stop dating me and that he was doing something morally wrong if he didn't. Basically, 100% disapproval with a touch of religious venom. And THAT was the beginning of all our problems - a little over a year ago today is when this "confusion" started. I mean - night and day. All of a sudden he was doing something he wanted but it didn't make mom happy. And he WANTS mom to be happy - hence the confusion. UGH! It makes me so fricken angry!

So you see, I have reason to not be too thrilled with his mother. I think she is mental. She basically thinks I am bad because I am divorced. (at least bad for her little boy) *puke*

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 12:11pm
That is a bad experience for sure.

The only thing you can do now is to be positive and give her another chance. A year can bring a lot of things and maybe there have been circumstances in her life to make her soften.

Jack is going to have to stand up to her and then see how that goes - she may very well back off if he does that. I think that if you are positive and encourage him then that might be best. Also since Alyse is now older and he is STILL with you then that may help your case.

Someone needs to explain that your former family is not going back together!!

At any rate, this is the test for you and your future with Jack. It is unfortunate that he has such a pig-headed mother but there is nothing you or anyone can do about that. The cards all stand on whether or not he can choose you and put her in her place and move forward.

Do you have any idea if he has ever stood up to her before? I have seen cases where the husband/SO does stand up to their mother and protect their SO and I have seen and experienced cases where they do not.

I am sorry for you that this is so difficult and that you have to go through it. But try to be positive.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 1:28pm
Honestly I am starting to have less and less hope that we will pull through this but then again, I don't want yet another relationship where I hate MIL and my SO takes her side over me all the time. I had this slightly with my first DH and very much so with the second - I loathe that woman. She is my daughter's GM and honestly I stay away from both her and her husband only because of her. I don't mind my ex's dad but she is such a horrible person! She actually blames me for my ex's drug abuse and criminal actions! Even though most of them took place before I was even involved!! She actually called my mother recently and said so many lies and offense things about me that my mother finally fully endorsed my choice in never letting them have any contact with Alyse.

As far as Jack is concerned I sort of feel like now that all this is out of the way he has eliminated all excuses for holding back and now it is plain that it is his choice and I have a feeling he will pick his mother. Just my gut feeling.

Oh well. Just another wasted year and half and wasted emotions. I am not even going to call him anymore. He has to come to me. We had decided that after the race he would take his time to get his head together (with the anti-depressants and maybe therapist) I know he is thinking about all of this and me but I feel like it is so daunting for him that it will be easier to just bail. That is fine. I don't want someone like that anyways. I am sick of these wimpy men who can't realize that their mother is not perfect. I know MINE isn't! What is with that??

Thanks for the support. I just have to focus on myself now. I have given all I can to this for the time being.

Laura