my ds called my boyfriend daddy
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my ds called my boyfriend daddy
| Thu, 08-19-2004 - 2:27pm |
yep i knew it would happen because he has a kid and my ds has heard her call him daddy and he is only 3 but it was still a shock i've only been dating him for a few months. i just corrected him and said no this is frank. have any of you had this problem how do you handle it. my ds's father is not involved in his life which just makes things more confusing for him. i'm glad that my ds likes my boyfriend but i don't want him getting too attached to him. he doesn't see him much because we don't live together and he doesn't come over till after my ds is in bed cause he works late. but we want to move in together by the end of the year or early next year. i'm probley overeacting since only happened once but what if he continues to call him daddy what should i do?

Hi there and welcome to the board! I don't recall seeing your user name before, so I hope I didn't just miss it and "re-welcome" you. ;)
I have first hand with this situation, so I've got a little input for you.
have any of you had this problem how do you handle it. my ds's father is not involved in his life which just makes things more confusing for him. --- This was exactly my situation. And my DS was CRAZY about my then boyfriend (we've since married, so it's no longer an issue. ;) My DS just wanted a dad so badly he could taste it. I am sure your ds feels the same, even though he is considerably younger than my 7 year old was. (he's 10 now)
I think you handled it correctly. You just redirect. My ds was old enough to say "Mom, I want to call J "dad" now, ok?" and of course J was thrilled. It made him feel great. But I had to say "No, you can't. He is J. He is your good buddy for the time being. If and when we take it to a different level and he commits to being your father, you may certainly call him by that. I don't call him husband right now for the same reason"
Neither one of them liked it. LOL! But they respected that was probably the right thing to do.
I think you keep doing what you've done. Just remind him of Frank's name, and don't make a huge issue and go from there.
I don't know - maybe I am harsh but I think that moving in together when you have children should only be for the married or planning the wedding couples. Hence issue resolved. If he wasn't moving in I would just keep correcting him. But I don't think you can expect your son to have a man in the house acting like a father and living with other children who call him daddy and not let him do the same.
GL
L
Awww..I would have melted!
At age three, he is old enough to know he wants a Daddy, he may have been confused, or he may have been trying out the word.
Kim
I think you need to spend the time really getting to know Frank and how he is both with his own child and yours. Do things with both kids, one kid at a time and no kids. Mix it up and see how he is.
Either way, I think it was sweet of him to call Frank dad. If and when you two move in together, he may feel comfortable calling him daddy Frank instead of just dad.
Just as an aside, we are happily married now, (truthfully she views us as her mom and dad and her dad John (her bio father) is a bonus dad) but when we moved in together, we planned on it being basically a permanent relationship but had no plans to ever get married. (We changed our mind but that's another story all together LOL) And I know that many of the ladies here would criticize him for it (except of course they've all had to listen to way too much of my bragging now and know he's a great dad) but MG would never have married me without living with me first partially because he'd never had children, never wanted children before dd, and didn't know how it was going to feel to have a child living with him 24/7. He did a lot of soul searching before even getting to the living together stage to make sure that he wasn't going to be a disappearing man for her but he needed that extra reassurance that only experience could give him before being able to open his heart to even consider marriage again (and again not soley because of dd but that was still one of the factors). Welcome and good luck.
Best wishes to you!
Mindy
http://cosmosandcranium.blogspot.com/
At least when he moved in though it sounds like he was really committed to giving it a full blown try. Not a "wait and see" thing but a "I am going to give it all I got" thing. And it sounds like he did - good for you and kudos for your patience - I find that pretty tough! LOL
Laura
I wouldn't get too upset about it.