my father is skipping my sons birthday

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
my father is skipping my sons birthday
7
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 2:54pm
i'm just need to vent my father is skipping my sons birthday to go camping yes camping something he can do any weekend or any night that he wants but he is going to do it this sat when i'm having his party at three he has known about this for a week and he decides today that he wants to camping this sat. he tried to get me to change where i'm having it to have it at the camp ground instead of at my house which i'm not changing so i told him to do what he wanted to do and he just goes i will do want i want to do. i just cant believe it i'm so mad i got off the phone and just started crying. he has blown off my birthdays since i was 17 i'm now almost 23 i dont care about that anymore but him doing this just brings back those feelings. he is so selfish i just moved out of the house four months ago. and this is my son first birthday in my own place he is turning four. and he is going camping in the next town over only 20 mins away. he could just come here for the party then leave and go camping. i guess i'll have to wait and see want he does.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 4:03pm

Sorry to hear that your dad disappointed you. I think you should shake it off and not take it personally.

Have the party and have a good time and don't let his actions get you down. I am sure that he will make up for it in DS's life in other ways.

Guys often don't make such a big deal about birthdays the way we do.

Perhaps you can celebrate on another day that is good for both of you - then DS wins because he gets more than one special time.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 4:17pm
my son is really close to my father i lived with him for three years after my ds was born. and its not just my father its his girlfriend too. she helped me raise him i cant believe she doesnt care either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 5:28pm

Hi...

I'm not clear on something...Did you tell your father that you felt mad about his choice? All I can see is that you told him to go do what he wants and then you got mad and cried after you got off the phone.

All you can really do in situations like this is to explain to them how their actions affect you...
"It is important to us that you come to the party. When you decide to skip things that are important to me or my son, I feel very sad and mad."

He has to make his own decision on this, but you can't expect him to know or read your mind unless you make it clear. After that, the only thing you can control are your feelings and the way you react to this. You can choose to be miserable about it and dwell, or you can choose to let it go and give your son a great party with or without grandpa there. You can right now turn this around and choose how your going to be. He will make his own choice. You make yours. You can still choose to be mad at him, but don't choose to be miserable about it. Go have a great party with your son.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 6:37pm
i'm feeling more clear headed now but still bothers me that he would rather go camping but i'm not going to let it ruin the day. if i had told him that it bothered me that he wasnt going he would have said "wa wa wa" get over it. trust me i've tried telling him how i feel about things and he always says that. but thats another issue.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 8:16pm

well, he sounds just wonderful! ;) Remember not to get too caught up in the things you can't change, and focus more on what you can. or as the serenity prayer says:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 3:01pm
well he is diffently not coming his girlfrined said to me "you know we are not coming tomorrow" i said "yep" and that was it she wants to take him somewhere on monday which is his actually birthday but i've got to work all day so he has to go to daycare. its like because i'm not doing it on his birthday it doesnt mean as much is this true my mothers side of the family always does birthdays on the weekend before or after the birthday i dont think it makes it anyless important to come to the party now there are only going to be only eight people there cause two of my sisters have to work and one of my aunts have to work. i think that is another reason he doesnt want to go because its mostly my mothers side of the family going and none of his exculding my mother because she is in pa.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 4:01pm
I think you just need to let this go. Sure, the reason they can't come to the party may be selfish, but your son isn't going to know that. As long as he has a good time at his party, he probably won't mind that grandpa's not there. Explain to him that grandpa had other business to take care of, but that he wants to do something special with him on his actual birthday. If you're willing, let them take your son out on his birthday, and let them show their love for him the way they're willing to... can they take him out of daycare for the day? Or can they take him out for dinner afterwards? Do what you think is going to best benefit your son.