My Latest Update

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
My Latest Update
6
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 3:27pm

Just to fill the boardies in on what's been going on... and I guess for the newbies to find out more (Welcome to the newbies, BTW!)

The boys spent spring break with their dad and NW- and had a good time. The ex got diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer just last fall- so the Christmas plans got cancelled- so Spring Break had some make-up Christmas mixed in for them. MonkeyBunny (7) got a red bike (which he is still learning to ride) and MonkeyButt (9.5) got a small air hockey table- which he loves. MonkeyButt only uses one hand (left one is partially paralyzed due to his cerebral palsy) so air hockey is one thing he is GOOD at, and can sometimes beat MonkeyBunny at! MonkeyBunny also got a hand-me-down old GameBoy and he's been loving that, too. But the ex is doing okay. Has his chemo going, and handling it for the most part. Not too ill from the treatments so far.

And while the boys were with the ex, I spent the week with Hiker. The 2 of us took the boys down there to the ex, so Hiker and the ex has now finally met. No weird stuff, and it's SO very clear that things are OVER and there is no animosity anymore- but at the same time, it was weird to sit in the ex and NW's house, with the kids and Hiker, and all acting like a bunch of friends. But I'm glad it can be that way. We've been divorced for about 5 yrs now, and it's about time! I still remember well, the hate that went on at the beginning of the end, and I was SO miserable then! I'm just glad we've finally gotten to a place where I can actually go to their house with Hiker by my side and it's not a weird thing. And the ex isn't all weirded out that the boys are "with another man" kind of thing anymore. He used to get crabby that I was just trying to replace him as their Dad if I dated.

Anyway, Hiker and I spent some time exploring Houston and San Antonio while we had our kid-free week (H-son was spending a week-long trip with his middle school class to Wash. DC for Spring Break) to have some adult time together, fending for no one but ourselves! It was a good week spent together, nearly 24/7. We went shopping, hiking, geocaching... had some great meals eating out at various restaurants (experimenting with new ones in a city we didn't know) and just plain enjoying each other. :-) We also went to a Spurs game, and that was fun, even though they lost. Hiker also met my long-time best male friend (that I've known for about 22 yrs since college) and we had dinner (and lunch the next day, too) and that was fun. It's neat being able to share my love with my "old life" who hadn't had the chance to meet him yet!

On the homefront though... not great stuff. My mom, who has been battling colon cancer for the last 9 years, is now out of treatment options. There is no more new chemo treatments to try, and she's pretty much tried out everything and nothing works anymore. So now she is faced with a loss of hope in the medical world, and she's a bit depressed. Hasn't been eating well for a few months now, but REALLY not eating well for the past few weeks. And we can tell she is declining quickly, and everyone's a bit freaked about losing her. And we can't get her to eat more and keep her strength up, so now we're just trying to spend as much time with her as we can, but not really being able to enjoy the time, because she is so tired. I wish she was feeling better so maybe her and Dad could go travel or something and have her "last hurrah" but she's just too sick. :-( So that's the big stressor for everyone here.

Anyway, it's taken awhile to catch up on the board while I was gone last week! I can't believe this board is so busy now! But that's great for everyone though- because it's always "the more the merrier" IMO- and it's never-ending fun to live vicariously through each other's dating stories.

My dating story is still the same. Still cruising along with Hiker. But I'm trying not to have him be an "escape from life" kind of dating partner, but letting him become more of a "blending into my life" kind of partner. For awhile it seemed like it was I was 'getting some kid-free breaktime' by going out with him as much as I was going out with HIM. But now I'm trying to blend our activities more, so it's not just "I'll see you for a break from regular life stuff" but rather "you're here with me FOR life's stuff" and just blend a bit more. Does that even make sense? But anyway, things are going well. Still no hurry to rush into a marriage situation, but just having fun dating and sharing each other's company and companionship. It's just the way I like it. :-)

~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 4:01pm

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I completely understand that. That's what I'm looking for in a man, and what I've found to date is the "escape from reality" guy. It'll be nice to KNOW I've found that guy, when it happens, and I hope I can recognize him and not keep my walls up for too long.

I'm sorry to hear about your mom, we're still going through similar things with my dad, and it's really rough. (((HUGS))) to all of you!

I'm so happy that you and Hiker had a good week, and I'm thrilled that you're now including him into your life, instead of living two seperate ones. You're definitely a role model for me!!

Moody, happy you're happy


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 4:47pm

Oh Shrimps, I am so sorry to hear about your mom. That must be so hard to have watched all of that on a day to day basis - and all the gut-wrenching twists and turns of dealing with cancer. You have our support and positive thoughts for sure.

You sound like you are in such a great place on so many levels. It is wonderful that you can be civil with your ex and the NW. And that the kids got to spend some quality time with them while you got yours with Hiker.

And I love everything you write about Hiker and all that you have done. It is great to get such a nice update of something working so well. And great that you can include him more in your life.

Welcome home!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 03-24-2007 - 3:47pm

Shrimpy, I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I went through that with my father last summer. He passed from metastatic prostate cancer. It's good to spend as much time as possible with them. With him, he got very withdrawn as he entered the last stages and would often just zone out in the middle of conversations. It's pretty normal.

Do you have hospice care involved? They are VERY helpful and can help both you and your mom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 12:29am

Shrimpy,



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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 3:18pm
I am so sorry you're so worried about your Mom now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 11:45pm
Sorry to read that things have gotten bad for your mom. I have been there too, with my dad 18 years ago. All you can do is try to make her time left comfortable and happy. I remember most those last few times I was able to have a conversation with my dad, make him laugh, forget about his pain for even just a few seconds. I will pray for you to be strong for your family and for Hiker to be strong for you.