My neighbor
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| Sun, 08-12-2007 - 10:37am |
About a year and a half ago, I had a new family move into my neighborhood. From then until now, I have come to know them just by walking my two dogs in the mornings and afternoons as I go right by their house. She and I have visited eachother on and off and I'm thinking she's this really awesome person. If I had to describe her, I would say she has a "free spirit" type of personality which I really admired, as I tend to get down and really waller in things. She is also a self-taught artist and does some amazing work. This is something I'm interested in also but not nearly as good as she. Things in common you know? Making new friends, this is cool.
This past April my very small town was having their annualfestival and of course my neighborhood is jumpin! One of my other neighbors was cooking fish and what not and had invited me to join them so I did. The wife of this new family was there and we started talking. ANYWAY, as we were talking, she said she had to tell me soemthing but I couldn't say anything to anyone. I really didn't think anything of it, I figured she was going to tell me she and her husband were going to have another baby or something. Well, I was so wrong. She proceeded to tell me she was having an affair and then asked me to please, please not judge her! Well holy crap on that!!!
The whole time I'm thinkin' Why? Her husband seems really nice, hardworking, nice looking etc. course you never know what goes on behind closed doors. Later in the evening me and a couple of other friends were sitting on my front porch waiting to do the candle light walk through town and they came by and joined us. My other neighbors husband walked by and she started flirting up a storm with him. It was so disgusting. She was doing all this with her husband sitting right there. They ended up going on the walk with us and she continued to do this with other men during the walk. At that point, I was just astonished. Luckily, the husband disappeared and she went to find him, so we continued our walk without them.
When walking the girls (that's what I call my dogs) if my neighbors are outside, I'm cordial to her but it's definitely not the same. I saw her husband burning some tree limbs this morning and I always think to myself, You poor schlump! I can't help but feel bad for this guy but then again I think OPEN YOUR EYES DUDE! I will never say anything to him about what she told me. I don't go meddlin in other peoples stuff. But I admit, if he was available I'd date him. It just seems like such a waste! And also, I really, really hate that she told me that.

That stinks! It's true you can't judge what goes on behind closed doors, but it is incredibly awkward to know some of the story- that's none of your business and you would rather not know- and not have the power to do anything about it, and it isn't like you can un-know it.
I remember when I was a teen I babysat briefly for a family. The wife was blatantly having an affiar, and the whole town seemingly knew it, with the exception of the husband. This went on for years without him knoing, or at least without him acting like he knew. Finaly, they split, but I always thought he knew and simply stayed because he thought it was better for the kids.
Now, though, I wonder how their children have turned out, seeing the type of mother they have. The kids are mid to late teens now, and last I knew, they had opted to live with their father. Hopefully, it ended reasonably well, but I can remember people going out of their way to avoid running into this woman when she was cheating on her husband.
All in all, it's just a sad situation for everyone involved. I haven't ever felt the urge to cheat- if I wanted someone else I changed who I was with- so I can not understand it at all. But I am not naive enough to believe that everyone thinks the way I do.
Good luck with your neighbor- maybe being less friendly with her will help keep your peace of mind.
Moody, who doesn't know her neighbors at all
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You illustrate what I have heard from a talk radio therapist, i.e. do NOT listen to people who want you to keep a secret. It puts you in this bind, this untenable place of conflicting trusts.
It is awful and completely unfair that she should put you in such a situation!
This might not help with the current situation but here's my 2 cents. Whenever someone wants to tell me something but wants me to promise not to tell anyone else, I tell them I can't make that promise if I don't know the thing is. Unless it is someone I am VERY close with. It means there are secrets I don't get let in on but chances are they are things I don't want to know. Of course is it normal when someone askes to take you into her confidence to want to do that for them.
It is appalling that she did this to you.
Having gone through this myself, I read your post several times trying to stay out of the discussion. But one problem I ran into kept coming back to me.
My ex did what your neighbor did. She had several affairs, then told a mutual friend about them. Afterwards, I found out that the friend ("L") knew. I realized that my wife had been having unprotected sex and then coming home to me, and that "L" knew about it. What really angered me was that "L" was HIV positive as a result of her husband's affair(s), and both my ex and "L" were nurses. I could not believe that "L" didn't tell me what was going on. Maybe I would have tried to deny it or looked the other way, but I did not have the information to make an informed choice.
I have never tested HIV positive (I was tested for 2 years in a row after this), but I don't know about other STD's.
I have no respect for "L" because of her failure to do right by me. I am courteous to her, but I consider her to be a coward with no moral strength.
Your neighbor has put you in the same position as my ex put "L". How do you deal with that? For one thing, your neighbor is no friend. Tell her she has 48 hours to tell her husband, and then you are calling him? I don't know. I don't have answers for you. I've been on the back side of the fence, but not on your side.
I don't think I want to be the STD patrol in this case. I don't know this couple all that well, but I do understand your situation entirely. After she tells me this, she says "it's just for fun" and that her and her husband seem more like brother and sister kind of relationship. I was so blown over by the words coming out of her mouth I couldn't say a whole lot. Just sat there with my mouth hanging open. They have a 4 year old daughter! Since then, I just stay away and only see them when walking my dogs. I was just excited about developing a new friendship and then got blown away by how selfish a person she is.
Sometimes I think I have a neon sign across my forehead saying "Confessions heard here"!!!!