My reply to him...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
My reply to him...
7
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 1:46pm

Now there has been other things said between these emails and I got VERY upset with him while he just monotones everything and sounds pitiful...poor me tone. If he doesn't get it after this and keeps talking about it I am going to tell him to go...

'A', I do care about how you feel and what you think and I don't want to mislead you in any way. That is why I am telling you the things I am telling you so that you know straight up how I feel and I was telling you that I knew how you felt about me. And I couldn't have walked away from Logan Tuesday night while we were on the phone because we were in the CAR. Remember? It was after Logan's game.

When you tell me that you are/were playing about what you said about marriage/moving in, I don't see how because you never smiled, never showed a hint of teasing, you were very straight forward about it. What else am I supposed to think? I guess the best thing to do would be to not bring those subjects up again just to make sure there are no misunderstandings.

I DO know that you and Logan need to spend time together BUT I don't know how much time you are talking about. I'm thinking 2 days a week at most. He knows you are in the picture and that you are my friend. What more do you want the child to know? YOU were the one that mentioned "just the 3 of us" first. I appreciated that comment because I felt that you realized that it wasn't just me you had to think about but my son too. I didn't mean it as an instant "we are going to spend the rest of our lives together" agreement. I was just glad you were including him as well.

See, when you wrote "...you are the type of person that I would love to spend the rest of my life with and be happy and start a family.", how do you know that so soon? That makes me feel like you want me to bring sunshine into your world and never be down or upset. That puts too much pressure on me. Don't get me wrong, I think you are a great guy but I'm not gonna say with 100% certainty that it is going to be now and forever. WE BOTH do not know that. It is too soon to tell. If you aren't happy that I'm not feeling the depth of feeling you are right now and reflecting your point of view back to you then it is going to be tough for you to understand how I feel and we are going to keep going around and around in circles.

As far as goals...what type of goals are you talking about? I told you my goals right now. What are yours? I hope you aren't talking about marriage goals or children goals. Yes, I would like to get married again and have at least one more child but it isn't going to be this year and maybe not even the next, who knows. You never asked me WHEN I wanted to get married again. I can't predict the future.

Right now I am just mentally tired.

Jennifer (who is being WAAAAAY too patient right now)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: jh12
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 2:21pm

He cannot change his window or his mirror - the window is how he sees things and the mirror is how he sees himself. And more importantly - you cannot change those either. What you see is what you get!!

I think you are expending too much energy to explain yourself and defend yourself. But that is just me - I have gotten a hairpin trigger on the delete key with age and from a lot of dates and listening to stories here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
In reply to: jh12
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 2:42pm

You know I have been thinking the same thing...I'm spending too much time defending myself and how I feel. I was speaking the truth when I told him I was mentally exhausted!

Jennifer

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
In reply to: jh12
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 2:47pm

So, you told him you love him a while ago--do you still love him? You are allowed to change your mind, and regret saying that. And you are allowed to tell him that you don't love him anymore (if you don't).

My line for relationships gone bad like this is "I am so sorry that it's not going to work out between us". When they protest, ask why, etc..I just repeat it over and over. And, I would only do it by phone.

This is a good cautionary tale for those of us who might say "I love you too" too soon.
Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
In reply to: jh12
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 1:53am

Jennifer, I just want

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2006
In reply to: jh12
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 9:06am

This guy sounds so much like my ex. Seemingly nice guy, but not really. Especially when you described his monotone "feel sorry for me" response. He even does this to our daughter. He tries to get her to feel sorry for him because his parents are ill and because he has to work 12 hour shifts. And she is 10! He should be much more concerned with the fact that she has had to live without a father in her life for almost a year now, because he lives so far away. I think both of these guys are very selfish, and probably won't change. My ex was also very good at blaming me for everything. He once blamed me for breaking the computer when I wasn't even in the room at the time. He was the one using it. And once he overslept and was late for work, and blamed it on me. Even told his boss it was my fault. He was also a perpetual liar. Of course it wasn't to this extreme when we were dating.

I know it is hard to end a relationship, especially when he says he cares for you and seems like such a nice guy. But it will probably only get worse. If he had responded differently to your comments, I would say give him a chance. But I think you should get out now.

Kristy

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/219b09

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
In reply to: jh12
Sat, 04-21-2007 - 9:02pm

Hey Jennifer,

He definitely seems to be a "taker" in this relationship. I think we all deserve to be in a relationship with someone who wants to "give" to us as much as we to them.

--tj

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
In reply to: jh12
Sat, 04-21-2007 - 9:54pm

Jennifer,


It seems to me that you're expending more energy defending your position in this "relationship" than you are enjoying it.


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