My "storm" moment

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
My "storm" moment
10
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 1:16pm

I had a sort of a "divorce-storm" moment last night. This is tough for me and I just need to get this out to feel better.

My little sister called me last night. Yesterday was my dad's 78th birthday, and another sister, Trish, is having a get-together at her house on Sunday for him. Little sis called to tell me that she and Rick and the baby were going to be there. Except for my cousin's funeral (and I didn't talk to them) I haven't seen them in 3 years.

Then she put Rick on the phone. Talk about a storm moment. He wanted to apologize to me. He said he never meant to hurt me. He said I was very good to him and that 95% of the problems in our relationship were his fault. (Yeah -- and your point is what?)He said he felt bad that he tore apart my family and broke up a friendship between me and little sis (again -- and your point is?) He said he tried to call in the past, but I changed my phone number. He said he has thought about me many times, like when he was at a club we always used to go to and my favorite band was playing. He said he felt like calling me up to tell me they were playing and have me come over there (like I would do that?) I don't know why he needed to say all that except maybe to ease a guilty conscious, but it was too much for me, and I broke down and started to cry. He brought back memories I buried long ago. Have you ever loved someone so much, heart and soul, and then your heart gets ripped out and stomped on? It's not about losing the relationship, it's about being betrayed and hurt by somone you loved and trusted. I think that's why it hurt so bad. I got up the courage to trust and love again after my exh left, and then I was betrayed again by my sister and someone I really loved. Like I said, it's not about losing the relationship -- it just wasn't meant to be and actually my sis did me a favor (this is the guy who drank Mike's Hard Lemonade at 7:00 a.m.). I got over HIM a long time ago. But the hurt and the betrayal are harder to get over.

One thing I did learn is that sis has not changed. I really didn't have much to say to her. I didn't want to rehash the past. But she got her nasty digs in, like usual.
I know this is probably evil, but I don't believe them. I don't really think either of them is sorry. I think they felt they had to say that to smooth things over for Sunday. It just didn't seem sincere, especially from my sis. If the apology was sincere, she wouldn't have said nasty things afterwards.

The topper was when Rick said to me, "I know this is a lot to ask, but do you think we can be friends. I don't want you to hate me". Civil I can be for the sake of my parents, but friends is a whole other issue. That's not going to happen. And I was proud of myself for laying down the rules. I said I would be civil for the sake of mom and dad, but don't expect me to engage in a conversation with you, and be all lovey-dovey. It's not going to be like it used to be. I don't think it ever will be.

So, that's my storm moment. I have a real hectic weekend; I have bunco tonight; Paul's coming for dinner on Saturday; and I have a bake sale at church Sunday that I'm in charge of. I need to clear this from my mind so it doesn't spoil my weekend. Thanks for listening. As a side note, I really think Paul is psychic. He called when I was talking to little sis, and I saw his number on my caller ID. I called him back when I was done with sis. He said hi then he said "You were talking to your sister on the phone, weren't you" and I said "yes, but which one" and he said "the one from Lansing" (little sis). I said, how did you know. He said he could just tell. Freaky -- maybe he can read my mind.

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2002
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 2:08pm

I think you handled yourself very well !


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 3:06pm

So...I missed the first season of this show........


Your ex husband is now with your SISTER???

Kim

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 4:13pm

You poor thing - that is a story that is so hard for you and more than anyone should have to bear. I totally agree with you on what you said to your sister and Mr. Morning Lemonaide. Civil is fine but nothing else.

You really sound strong in that you can see that your sister did you a favor and you are over him.

It is okay to have a storm. It makes the view so much prettier when the sun comes back out!!

Have a great weekend - you sound busy. My ex has my son on Friday and Sunday night and we have plans to go out together on Saturday. And I have a long bike ride and long run each day. So I am busy. Busy is good.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 4:22pm

(((((Donna)))))

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 4:43pm

Sorry, you did miss a lot. I've posted so many times I just figured everyone knew the story by now. My little sister is now married to my ex-boyfriend (Rick). We were never married, but he was the first relationship that I was in after my divorce. We were together for 2 years. Then he left me for my sister, who left her husband for him. It was devastating to me because they were fooling around behind my back before the truth came out. Like I said, this was my second blow, so it was hard for me to take. No, my family was not ok with it. I have 3 other sisters, and they have essentially disowned my sister. None of them or I have talked to little sis in 3 years, and she's not invited to family gatherings. Only my mom and dad have talked to her. They don't like what she did, but she is still their daughter, so they haven't disowned her. The only reason dad is pushing for a family reunion of sorts is because my mom is terminally ill, and were not sure how long she has left. So, dad wants to see everyone together for the holidays. In a nutshell, mom and dad don't understand why all of this still bothers me and they think I should be over it. And from the calls last night, I can tell sis and Rick don't get it either. They will never know how much they have hurt me. That's why I say all I can muster up right now is civility for mom's sake. Friendship is way too much to ask for right now. Hope this clears things up.

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 4:49pm

Donna, Donna, Donna. My word.

Friendship is too much to ask for RIGHT NOW? I think, given the circumstances, friendship is too much to ask for EVER! I'm certain, for the sake of my mother, I could be CIVIL, when around my parents, but THAT IS IT.

I would never, never, never be friends with anyone who betrayed me and deceived me in such a way. And for him to even have the nerve to ask, yes, I agree, he doesn't get it.

Hugs to you - I hope you have a nice weekend, besides!!!!

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 5:38pm

(((((Donna)))))


You did SO well. I know those moments are probably never going to go away, but I know they must get easier. And though the apology didn't "fix" everything, didn't you feel somewhat vindicated? I know I would.


Have a GREAT weekend. You will have fun.


One of these days, I am going to have to find someone who plays bunco and play! I keep hearing how fun it is, but I have never known anyone that plays well enough to invite myself in...or be invited!

Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 7:45pm

Keep telling yourself "What goes around comes around."

Kim

Avatar for cl_tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 7:55pm
Wow. First of all, your sister has a lot of nerve and so does he. I'm glad you could keep your cool as much as you did but I agree, Friends?, not.

So things with Paul are going well???? :)

Tara

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 9:52am
I was just wondering the same thing - we want a Paul update from your weekend!!