my update......... LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
my update......... LOL
5
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 10:19pm

from eharmony:

DELETE DELETE DELETE.....X 128

One is a maybe but we still have this whole eharmony question process and he could end up as #129 - LOL!! I feel picky.

I went to watch the football game with a friend - and we had fun. Not too many our age who were single and none that caught my eye. I don't think I am so good at the bar scene - but I did think of one good aspect of that - you can look and see who is drinking a ton and falling off their chair versus the ones who have a few - nothing like the in action test, right? It was a fun night out - I got to meet some of her friends and had fun talking and watching the game. Was text messaging my son who was watching it at his dads - his favorite team went.

And today I rode my bike where everyone rides - and talked to one guy. The tricky thing about that is that they wear gloves. But he chatted and then rode off - he is faster. But that is okay.

I am enjoying the peace and quiet of no Hurricane MA. My friends all want to do a big class party next Friday and we would both be invited. So, I might show up late looking very good and not stay too long. Check in, check out. I do want to keep my classmates as friends and do not want to give that up to avoid him. I am not upset - just think he has a real problem and is not for me and am glad I got out. No feelings were there - so that is easy for me really.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 11:08pm

I think I would only worry about him slamming you. He seems like the type. Hopefully he either a) won't show or b) won't tell.


I don't know about the whole eharmony thing. I did it for 3 months and it was awful.


Have you ever thought about the whole single dating service clubs? Not online, but the ones' where you go to a building and put in your profile, get screened and make a video? I've thought about going that route. I would think I'd get a lot more

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 01-14-2008 - 6:22am

I don't think he would say much - when we were breaking up I told him that I respect that he is a fellow alumni and that we have mutual friends and that I am going to consider this the misfortune that we were two people in different places in life who want different things. He was with our friends last week and said just that.

If anything I think he might want to talk to me and I will refuse and say this is not the time or place. I don't think he would do anything intentionally to upset me but him being there and probably being upset is going to be unnerving for me - so hence the quick in and out to get the initial meeting over with. After that I would think it will be easier.

I don't see us all getting together that often. Right now one of our classmates has terminal lung cancer so we want to see him as much as possible while we can. And maybe in that spirit, too, it will help me and MA and the others keep things in perspective. I mean we only dated 7 weeks.

I am praying he finds one desperate enough to marry him and then he will drop out of the alumni scene and be out of my hair. One can hope, right? LOL!!

As for those dating services, I was discussing that with a friend. She has heard horrible things with them here. They don't have good candidates, they didn't do what they say they were going to do and they charged a lot of money.

I was reading on the eharmony board that most people who have luck with it have to wait a year or two - and so I have that expectation. For now I am having fun with their process and with getting out and about, too.

OH - and I forgot to tell everyone the really crazy thing about eharmony this week. It matched me with my exh!!!!!!!!!! HORRORS. Well he won't know that is me because I used my initials instead of my name and I do not have the system set up to show everyone my picture - I allow them one by one. So I closed him. LOL!!

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 01-14-2008 - 8:35am

OMG! NO WAY! I thought he was married?


Ok, thinking back about how awful your marriage was, aren't you concerned that you were matched up to that sort of personality?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
Mon, 01-14-2008 - 8:44am

OMG--that is crazy!

April

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 01-14-2008 - 9:35am

I look at it as though I did a good job at picking someone who was compatible on paper with core values - which is what eharmony does. Our marriage failed because he had issues with not being able to see me and his DS as his new family - the loyalties went with the mom. And he worked a lot and was all about him. I think I made a lot of mistakes with not setting boundaries or communicating effectively and being a pleaser while he was a taker and not a giver - he also used stonewalling as a communication skill. We were married 10 years and he is a good dad and I am grateful for the things I did get from him - I think it was a matter of he could only love so much and his family got in the way and we did our best but it was not enough.

Even if he was not an ex - I would still delete him because he travels too much and does not have any of the same physical fitness interests and would never appear that into me as I now require plus he is not fun he lacks humor and playfulness. We would not get past the first few dates.

But like I said, I doubt he knows that is me because my name and picture were not posted and I have grown into my own person with great interests. And I have worked hard on loving myself and knowing what I want and I think how to spot someone who is capable of a good relationship, has matching core values and that into me. My only challenge now is that the dating pond is shallow and the pickins are slim. So that just means wait and be alone for however long it takes.

Also, I don't look at eharmony as some magical be all and end all solution - I think it has a better quality candidate and a system that is easier on my nerves. But I know it is up to me to screen them and not have blind faith in the system.