My Valentines
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My Valentines
| Wed, 02-13-2008 - 7:23pm |
Here they are...the two loves of my life.
I couldn't get any pics of the fish...they're shy, lol.
DD and Blue Eyes.. recent pics
| Wed, 02-13-2008 - 7:23pm |
Here they are...the two loves of my life.
I couldn't get any pics of the fish...they're shy, lol.
DD and Blue Eyes.. recent pics
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You are welcome Pacific.
Well no doubt CNDG can bring herself out and feel and connect with sex in time if she desires to go there. I know you already know this but for someone like you (who feels safe and connected and real through the physical sense of connection as well as communication verbally) eventually will need to connect with the same spirit. Of course you know that and
Here is what I would worry abut if I were you. Assuming for a second that he might decide for himself to quit alcohol altogether and that that would be necessary for him to be happy with you, what will the fallout of that be for him physically and emotionally? To have to learn all new coping skills and to not be able to numb things suddenly could make him potentially very frustrated and agitated - maybe even make things go dark and ugly for a short while. It seems best for you and your DD to not be living with him while he makes that transition if it is to be made. I just have a dark feeling about it. There is some soulsearching to do if he goes completely dry and while I think it is great of you to be there, i dont know whether you should be THERE there, you know?
Just my two cents.
Do you think he could be ok as an occasional drinker and learn to just reserve it for 'safe" scenarios?
From everything I read, people who have alcoholism that runs in the family are predestined in some cases to react very differently to alcohol. They are almost hyper effected by it. My bf's sister's guy ( the one who went loco last Friday) is everything Mark mentioned in that alanon quote. He is also according to my bf very girlish when it comes to drinking. Drunk in no time flat - very little tolerance even though he is a self professed boozehound ( now thats an attractive word) Bf mentioned this to me almost casually once like "oh you know whats weird?A really cant hold his liquor at all . It makes no sense" and I thought uhoh that is a major sign of a predisposition to alcoholism.
My uncle is an alcoholic and so was my grandfather. I myself have trouble drinking anything. I am drunk very quickly and even from one glass and the next day very sick. I used to think I had a major wine allergy. I did. But now, I cant do mixed drinks either - they give me migraines. I have simply had to find other ways to take a load off. It isnt until THIS YEAR that I started thinking "hey - what if I am predisposed to having a problem with this and this is my body's way of protecting me from falling into it" So I have stopped drinking altogether now. Truthfully it isnt or hasnt been worth it to drink in the last few years. Feeling relaxed for two hours doesnt cut it when you are left with a migraine. Sometimes the feeling sick and off balance ( not drunk mind you, but just OFF) would last up to a day and really ruin me. I have run fevers, broken out in hives; it isnt pleasant.
Anyhow, I just wanted to share that with you - it might be stuff you already have in your head.
I really wish you luck with all of this. As far as challenges go I know this one is a doozy but you guys have come out on top already as I recall more than once - hugs....
IMHO, with LOTS of personal (father, brother & XH) experience AND professional (was a psyc/detox nurse), an alcoholic is an alcoholic. As in ANYthing, there are varying "degrees". My X was a binge alcholic. Never drank at home, could have 2 drinks out to dinner & stop & be fine, could go 2 weeks w/o drinking ... BUT ... maybe 10 times a year he started & didnt stop until he was passed out somewhere, even lost passed out somewhere, beings tupid & making no sense, getting paranoid, violent, etc etc.
Shoot Pac, Im so sorry this is an issue. & from what i read here, its a HUGE issue. (remind me, did we talk about htis with you & him a few months back?)
Whether or not it was about him, we all spoke very much in depth about all of our views & experiences with loved ones with alcoholism. I cant remember who i said it to, but i know I said if you went to the Alcoholic support board, & saw the pain of the families & spouses, you would see that 90% or more of them would tell you "If i knew what I knew now, i would run away from him b4 i got involved". Its SO painful, for everyone. & yes, even the alcholic.
The fact that he comes from that background, & from the little you have said here, I can pretty much tell you that he would "qualify" as an alcoholic. How often would you say he drinks? How many each time? & does it cause an issue for loved ones (obviously it does for you). Its
Oh Rebecca, what a tragic story.
Again, I found another sister on this board! Moon is one them too. :)
I also used to have a wine allergy, horrible migraines from red wine. Not anymore, but from hard liquor I have it now or anytime I drink more then one drink.
I truly believe it's my body protecting.
My mother is an alcohlic and a bad drunk at that, my entire side on my Mom's side. My fathers father was and died of it, my father drinks excessively, but not like he used to. He's controlled it now, my two uncles were alchoholics and the list just goes ON AND ON.
I used to drink a bottle of champagne the night and one day I just stopped after doing that a year. I was so depressed regarding the fall of my marriage that I drowned myself. I stopped drinking that much, but then started again when I had cancer. Finally, shortly before I moved here I quit. Now I rarely drink. Maybe a glass a wine once or twice a month, but I'm no longer comfortable with more. I can't drink hard liquor without being sick now and wine is starting to make me feel ill too. I can drink beer only now, because I don't like it and therefore sip it in tiny sips all night and finish a bottle after 4 hours.
I quit smoking that way too. I used to smoke and now I quit after I only smoked one cig the day. I didn't see a reason to keep doing it and I quit now completely the last two months. Stress caused me to smoke, but I hate it now. Drinking was caused to stress as well.
Basically, my body is rejecting all of this. And a very interesting note to this, which maybe I shouldn't admit, but I used to do quite a bit of drugs before I had my oldest DD. I quit cold turkey before having my oldest DD, but when she was a baby 14 years ago I had two different offers to take some again with old friends on a recreation night. They didn't want me to be a stick in the mud, so I decided to go along. When I tried it,
I am so glad we have you on our board. Because your insight with alcohol and alcoholism is right on target and very realistic and blunt. I have taken my time to educate myself on this matter, even saw a counselor for a fiance in my 20s (I ended up dumping the guy) and I realize that it is something that is too easy to deny. It does NOT matter if they hold a job and function - too much booze is too much booze and never changes without something drastic or the person wanting to stop. They say one drink is too many but 100 drinks never enough and that is true. I don't believe someone with a drinking problem can drink socially. And there are two types of drinkers - those who binge and those who drink most days. I once read that if someone drinks more than 14 drinks per week then they probably have a problem. And I have observed that to be true. But the biggest deal is that if drinking causes problems to a relationship then it is a problem.
And it is progressive. At first they build a very high tolerance to it. They can hold a LOT of booze and not show the effects like most normal social drinkers. But in time the liver deteriorates and then very little alcohol gets them inebriated. This is usually the point where they have to drink every day to feel good.
It is hard for us normal people to understand. A person who drinks LOVES the way it makes them feel. They center their lives around it. They choose their friends, social circumstances and time around it. It is a crutch. And they will find all sorts of ways to deny it is a problem to THEM.
After dating 3 alcoholics, I am very careful to observe how much a date drinks. Because I live my life like I don't care about drinking. I can enjoy a few glasses of wine when out. And I can pass on it too - it is in my life like a few times a year. I can take it or leave it. And I want my mate to be the same.
But if you did not know about it you would easily let it fly under the radar. And the thing is that very nice people have a drinking problem. They are totally lovable and are great relationship partners as people. But to me, this is a ticking time bomb I would not touch. Just me and my .02.....
I have never done drugs except once when my mom and I smoked pot to help her and I was so scared having bought her pot and so creeped out by the fact I was smoking my first dubie with my the bald and beloved mother, it had no effect on me at all. She liked it though as I recall. It is funny because as I write this I am remembering suddenly that she was quite a wine drinker and loved martinis at night so maybe there was a problem there too but I just wasnt old enough to see it.
Bf smokes and I join in sometimes but that too is feeling less ok to me. Of course I know I shouldnt smoke but you know what I mean. BF wants to quit and I am thinking we might go back to Bikram Yoga and try and start that with the steam and cleaning us out of the toxins. I did it for months and then stopped years ago and I have to say - I never looked better. it was just a large time commitment with each class going 1/12 hours. I am heavier than I have been though lately and need to do something so it is looking more and more like that right idea.
I really appreciate your honesty and knowing that we have this in common. I have literally had moments where I wondered if I were going a bit nuts being sick the next day after ONE drink!
I dont know exactly when my last drink was - it was months ago. I do know I dont miss it though so I guess I have other things that relax me enough so that I dont truly need it. Thanks goodness. And I like the idea that my body is protecting me somehow.
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