My Valentines

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
My Valentines
56
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 7:23pm

Here they are...the two loves of my life.


I couldn't get any pics of the fish...they're shy, lol.


DD and Blue Eyes.. recent pics


~Pacific~
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
In reply to: pacific_sun
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 9:59am
I always think it's a Guardian Angel watching over me and protecting me. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
In reply to: pacific_sun
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 1:14pm

Thanks for this post CityLife-


The issue with Blue Eyes and drinking is one that I have always had in my mind as something I have to be clear about to myself and to him- about my boundaries, my truths and my needs in a relationship. Sounds selfish, but I've learned that when you love someone who has a issue or demon

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
In reply to: pacific_sun
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 1:33pm

Hi Alison-


Until he has both under control, you should NOT consider moving in with him.

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
In reply to: pacific_sun
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 1:40pm

~Pacific~
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: pacific_sun
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 2:05pm

I am impressed with your strength, resolve, and clarity in where you stand and how you communicate that to BlueEyes.


It sounds until BE takes ownership of his shadow self and takes action on it then he will be continue to be sensitive, angry, fearful

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
In reply to: pacific_sun
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 2:15pm
Im so glad you see so clearly about all of this because it gives both of you the chance you deserve to be happy...
I worry a bit from your post that you will want to be there for him in the darkness and although that is only natural he needs more than just you who can see and help him with those demons. You cannot really be his main support in this and in my mind the reason why is DD. I think should he really have a problem and it is serious you can not guarantee with a child that you can go to him and be with him. DD would always come first and he needs to have someone else he can confide in and lean on besides you. Are there other people in his life who are aware of these issues and are supporting him in working through some of it for the longterm? This would give you a greater chance for success I think...
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
In reply to: pacific_sun
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 2:18pm

Thank you, Mark..


It sounds until BE takes ownership of his shadow self and takes action on it then he will be continue to be sensitive, angry, fearful

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
In reply to: pacific_sun
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 2:21pm

Hugs with all this Pac-Sun...


But after reading your responses just now (the 3 to citilife, Alison and Cat)- I know that you are truly OKAY with all of this. You are not plowing onward with your eyes shut, thinking fairy tales and glitter and thinking that you could just "love him well". You know it has to come from HIM, for him to get well. You sound SO very grounded, realistic, supportive and strong!! Yay for you!


It still sucks that you are faced with this, and that the alcoholism is a creature with a life of its own that can drive BE, sadly... but I'm glad to know that you won't let the alcoholism drive YOU. Nor will you allow BE to blame you for having to give up the booze for HIS OWN health. It's for his own good!!! But it's sad that alcohol can make people not even see it that way. I pray that he will find himself ready to tackle this and face it... but from the updates you give... I just don't think he is THERE yet.


(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))


~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: pacific_sun
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 2:26pm

BlueEyes is very lucky to have you Pacific.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
In reply to: pacific_sun
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 2:38pm

Are there other people in his life who are aware of these issues and are supporting him in working through some of it for the longterm? This would give you a greater chance for success I think...


You know what's kinda sad? And I don't mean to be overly pessimistic at all. But his whole social network, besides me, are big drinkers. Best friend- Alcoholic. Best friends wife: raging alcoholic. Other best friend- Alcoholic and his wife...yup...alcoholic.


~Pacific~