My X is an ?!#!!!
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My X is an ?!#!!!
| Tue, 03-20-2007 - 1:28pm |
Just venting ladies. I am so sick of this dragged on legal crap. My divorce decree was done in 12/2005 then way after the deadline, my X contested it. It is still dragging on. His attorney sent mine a letter just before I left for Paris stating if I'd pay the $600 psycho boy owes the administrator to finish terminating the pension plan the whole matter would be done. Uh... what about the fact he owes me for healthcare and kid activity expenses in excess of $4000, and the other pension plan that requires a QUADRA to roll over to me, and he still hasn't paid 2004's federal taxes (our final joint return). And the offer had a deadline of 3/15. I was in Paris the whole time and had no knowledge of the "offer". The whole thing is a ploy by his slimy attorney to make it look like I am the one responsible for dragging this thing out so she can firm up some kind of case to get me to pay his fees- he won't pay them. The whole thing is stupid, it is so obvious that he is the one creating the problem but the court does nothing and will do nothing. I keep getting ordered to pay half the ever increasing fees. And the pension plan has 13 employees on it. I get to pay out of my personal funds for expenses of a business my X bought me out of. Argghh- QB tearing her hair out. My X is well off financially. He makes literally 10x what I do and I always have to pay half. How is this fair? And now they want me to pay it all?
Add to this his outburst when I picked up D3 and S15 when I got back from Paris Fri night. He was totally nutty, yelling at me about something that should have been no big deal, yanks open the rear passenger side door to scream "why don't you just stay in Europe you F*¢#ing B!*¢h!!" I didn't respond. Just calmly asked S15 to shut the door as his dad stormed off. The look on that kid's face. All day Sat psycho man was calling me, I refused to answer. The boys keep hearing his psycho messages on the answering machine.
I am just weary of the whole thing. I am feeling very down right now, just when I thought I was past letting this stuff get to me. I can't confide in M, he just gets really angry about the situation and can't understand how I seem to have no recourse. He does what he has agreed to do and doesn't understand how someone can get away with not doing what was agreed to in the divorce decree. I guess I just have to tell him I appreciate a hug but I'm not asking for him to solve my problem or offer advice. It'll cost me more in legal fees than what the court will likely order the psycho to pay. And then he'll still not pay. I'm all for Rebecca taking her time paying the money she owes her X- it's payback for ALL of us who have to deal with jerks.
Add to this his outburst when I picked up D3 and S15 when I got back from Paris Fri night. He was totally nutty, yelling at me about something that should have been no big deal, yanks open the rear passenger side door to scream "why don't you just stay in Europe you F*¢#ing B!*¢h!!" I didn't respond. Just calmly asked S15 to shut the door as his dad stormed off. The look on that kid's face. All day Sat psycho man was calling me, I refused to answer. The boys keep hearing his psycho messages on the answering machine.
I am just weary of the whole thing. I am feeling very down right now, just when I thought I was past letting this stuff get to me. I can't confide in M, he just gets really angry about the situation and can't understand how I seem to have no recourse. He does what he has agreed to do and doesn't understand how someone can get away with not doing what was agreed to in the divorce decree. I guess I just have to tell him I appreciate a hug but I'm not asking for him to solve my problem or offer advice. It'll cost me more in legal fees than what the court will likely order the psycho to pay. And then he'll still not pay. I'm all for Rebecca taking her time paying the money she owes her X- it's payback for ALL of us who have to deal with jerks.

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Awww, thanks for the kind words on Carlos.
AND the truth about the crazy X's!
Oh I know...really what IS the best thing to do??
Of COURSE we can't tell them to lie or "not tell Daddy" but it hurts THEM too when he knows things! I am starting to suspect that mine (2 boys ages 6 & 8, 6YO is WAY more intuitive than his older brother), as clueless as they can be, get this, SORT OF. I have a feeling that's why they haven't mentioned my BF to their Dad in 1.5 years. Maybe lately they've figured out he's here to stay and this is their version of breaking it to Dad gently? Heartbreaking that they have to feel that way but I guess good that they can navigate on their own a little.
But maybe I am giving them too much credit...it's probably something more like BF bought them ice cream so he's been on their mind...because when I read your posts I realize oh my goodness- boys are so much easier than girls with this stuff! Our kids are virtually the same ages & my boys would just have NO IDEA about half the stuff your daughter notices! They are SOOOO tuned OUT...LOL. The guy I dated before this one- they thought he was THEIR friend- seriously! He never slept over or anything like that & we only did fun/casual things with him, but still!
I know it's tough but it IS cute what a little smarty pants she is. And I have a feeling when you meet the right guy it may be a little tough at first but she will end up loving him too.
The whole issue of psycho boy finding out about M totally scares me. He has grilled S15 on the subject and that one, ever the diplomat, says, "I don't know, Dad. She's MY mom, I'm not HERS!" At the time, S15 was totally clueless about my dating though S18 was aware and freaking out. Now they both are fine with M and do know better than to mention it to their father. They know the consequences. But if they were still elementary school age, totally clueless. Would have thought M was just a friend. Boys generally are 11-13 before they make the distinction of platonic GF and romantic GF.
The one who will eventually let it slip will be D3. I've cut back how much she sees M- 2,3 x/month now, so she won't just babble on about him or worse say "M's house, M's house" when her dad drives by M's neighborhood. If psycho boy were to go to M's house and get in his face, M would lose it. He is a lot bigger than my X, so should they ever meet, I hope my X will have some sense and not open his sarcastic mouth only to get it filled with a fist.
And my boys are thrilled that mom is happy and smiling when she comes back from her dates. They never want to see depressed, at her wits end, barely functional, stressed out Mom again.
Oh, that was a tough mom moment. Your daughter is showing she is feeling a bit insecure, could be too much instability with Dad, so Mom is the doubly important security blanket. Actually, my S18 said something to that effect way before the divorce. Dad wasn't to be relied on, but Mom had better show up when she says she will. And both of my boys told their counselor that the worst part of the divorce thing was that I was so messed up, they needed me to be the stable one, they counted on me to be the stable one. I totally understand a little girl thinking she will lose that stable parent to some BF. Just keep pointing out you are still there for her, that you have plenty of love to go around, she won't have less if you have a BF.
I do think girls have a harder time in general than boys with the whole parent dating deal. With M and me it is his D12 who is having the hardest time with all this. I'm giving her lots of space. I realize for her, I can be perceived as a threat to her mom, if she likes me, she'd be somehow betraying her mom, and also she wants to be Daddy's special girl, no interlopers allowed.
And thanks for the support, I know you "get it". At least we got out. I have to remember that what my life had become when we were together was sooo bad, whatever I have to deal with now is a cakewalk. Today was a momentary lapse into self pity.
And talk about drama girls, my D3 would not let go of me, literally had to have physical contact with me for 3 days straight after being with Dad a week while I was in Paris.
I don't have any words of wisdom, or advice, but I do have a couple of shoulders, and am always willing to listen. I hope things settle down, smooth over, and become more fair for you, although at this point that seems unlikely.
Good luck, we're always here for a vent!
Moody, counting her blessings
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