Nagging Gut
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| Thu, 01-03-2008 - 5:37pm |
I'm not sure what it is that is bugging me, but my gut has been nagging me. For some reason, I just feel like a shoe is going to drop with Hiker & I. Something like he and his ex deciding to get back together just to help his DS or something like that. Although the entire time we've known each other and have been dating, he's reassured me that he doesn't want to get back together with her.
But the fact that he will still allow her to come stay at his house when she has no place to go- and that he used DS as one of the reasons why he allowed it at first, even when he didn't want to... he said it would be good for DS to spend some time with his mom. But I didn't think she had to be LIVING there for them to spend time together! There was just something about that. But as I watched things for red flags, he showed me that there IS nothing between them, and that he is with me because he wants to be with me. So I know there isn't anything romantic between them.
But I do know Hiker enough to know that he could give up himself or his happiness

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Yeah, glad it was just the son issue, which makes sense since Hiker is the kind of dad who would see the situation as a notice to spend more time with the kid more than see it as a situation requiring punishment. And of course he assumed you were secure and just fine.
I totally get your situation, really. I would have hesitated to call for the very same reasons, remember why I came back to this board after a brief hiatus? The whole no phone call for a longer than usual thing and M was just as surprised I had gotten wigged out about it. And I really did not want to call him because I didn't want to come off as some needy, insecure school girl, even though I was certainly feeling needy.
The big difference in our situations is one of physical distance, M and I live only 5 minutes apart. We spend equal time at one another's homes. If his X's financial situation gets much worse there is the very real possibility he'd let her move back in. Then, being the manipulative and selfish person she is, she'd demand I never be there when she is and if I did show up, she'd make a scene and probably throw something at me. Our entire relationship would change and have to be conducted at my house which would just be too much for me. I just would not be able to deal with that. I try to remind him to set boundaries with her and when he did mention that he wouldn't mind if she had to stay with him a while I made it clear that would not be OK with me and why. It doesn't sound like that is the case for you and Hiker's X, but one can easily understand why you'd get insecure about that situation.
We both are happy just moving slowly and waiting til most of our kids are grown. Neither M nor I are interested in doing the whole blended family thing with our kids as teens. My D3 is a whole other issue and since PsychoBoy is good with her and exercises his time with her religiously, M knows he would not be her father in any way, just Mommy's friend.
Really glad this played out to be the evil insecurity demon and not at all what you feared.
QueenBun
Thanks, QB! You definitely understand what I am going through! Sounds like it's ALOT alike with you and M. Almost exactly.
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
I know what that is like, as a recovering people-pleaser who tries to avoid conflict. And agreeing to things that you really don't actually agree with, just to keep peace.
omg
mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16
*************also "I used to be SOOO needy in this way in the past. And while I like to think I've grown more secure in this area, I can still see where it can still rear its ugly head on me. But the good part is, I'm not letting it leak over into ugliness all over Hiker and what's US as well- as I used to do in the past, and allow it to sabotage my relationships. "
April
This is sooo me too... I think that is why I ended up here--I am trying to vent my frustrations on others not the person I am with.
mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16
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