Naming Questions
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 07-05-2007 - 6:33pm |
I guess I could've made this into a poll, but I find it hard to actually discuss things in a poll format. Just wondering about a few things in regards to names:
1) What do you call your ex- "the ex", "my ex", "the kids' dad/mom", or do you use his/her first name? (or maybe you use some other term)
2) Do you find you use a different term for your ex depending on who you're talking to (friends, family, kids or SO)?
3) If you have a partner (or think back to recent past partners/dates), what does he/she refer to his/her ex as? Any of the same terms as you use?
4) Does it matter to you what he/she uses to call their ex?
I'm just curious, because sometimes I think it is more than 'just a name' and I was wondering if there was any consistency or truth to what a person calls the ex and how he/she is ready for a relationship (or not). So thanks for thinking this stuff over and responding!
~shrimpy

Pages
I call him "your Dad" to my son, or "hid dad" if it's in reference to their relationship.
When talking to my BF, I sometimes still call him "hid dad" and sometimes I call him by his first name. My BF refers to his former partner by her first name. They had a fine relationship, whereas I was abused.
I don't dwell on the negative and don't talk about it unless it has direct bearing on something, which is rare. I don't like to bring all sorts of bitterness into mind and so I stick to factual or unemotional ways to refer to him that don't emphasize m y former relationship with him.
The most important thing this guy is now is a father, and so referencing that I feel is appropriate. It is also respectful to my son, who loves his pop and has his own relationship with him independent of my bad experiences (if you can call it that, we haven't heard form his dad in over a year...:( )
1) What do you call your ex- "the ex", "my ex", "the kids' dad/mom", or do you use his/her first name? (or maybe you use some other term)
I have used his hame or "my ex"
2) Do you find you use a different term for your ex depending on who you're talking to (friends, family, kids or SO)?
Yes definitely. If it's family and close friends, then I use his name or other choice words. lol If it is someone new or someone I don't know that well, then I will say "my ex"
3) If you have a partner (or think back to recent past partners/dates), what does he/she refer to his/her ex as? Any of the same terms as you use?
It's pretty much the same I think. In the beginning I have noticed that both of us try saying "the/my ex" but then after a while it is on a name basis.
4) Does it matter to you what he/she uses to call their ex?
Not really unless they start saying "b***h" or using really nasty references about their ex. THEN I know it is time to go! lol
Jennifer
I thought I had posted about this! I guess I just blogged it and thought I'd posted here too! Oops!
Oh well... it was very anti-climactic actually. After a whole year of her being back in town, with her living back in his (their) house all last summer after her engagement fell through and she had no place to go...
For a quick recap for the newbies who hasn't followed this from the start...
Hiker was married for 20 yrs and his ex left him (and their 4 kids- 3 DDs as teens and one DS who was about 6 yrs old) to 'go find herself'. She eventually ended up in California and when I met Hiker, they'd been divorced about 6 yrs and she was engaged to someone. Fast-forward to today and they've been divorced 8yrs- and their DDs are all grown with their own families (and various grandkids), and DS is 14. And all the kids spend more time with Hiker than with her- even after she moved back.
Last summer I wanted to meet her but Hiker kept saying that she refused to meet me. He kept saying things about not wanting to make waves and force the issue on her and it wasn't a good topic between us- but I tried to live with what I could and stand my ground on what I could. Eventually- last fall, she did finally get a job, saved enough to get her own apartment- and moved out on her own again. But we still never met. But with her out of his house, it didn't matter much anymore. It just upset me that while she was living there- I was not allowed to visit Hiker at his house for some fear of her and I meeting! It sucked!
Anyway, this last May, his youngest daughter got married, and they had the wedding at Hiker's house, all set up in the backyard. And Hiker invited me to come... and his ex was going to be there, too. Shock!!! But apparently, she has chilled out- from whatever reason she had for not wanting to meet me before... and it was all very nice and civil and nothing weird happened at all. She seemed like a normal person and not like the mad, angry woman that Hiker made her out to be last summer... and she actually was the one who came up to me herself- and introduced herself to me! I kinda thought Hiker might introduce us- but I guess that wasn't high on his agenda to do so. He made sure he introduced me to his mom and 2 sisters, but didn't do a thing about the ex.
I'd noticed that she was wearing what looked like a wedding ring and I asked Hiker about it. He tells me that she was engaged and that she might be moving back to California soon. So maybe what happened last summer was that she was reeking of anger (as Hiker said) because her engagement fell apart... and she was angry at the world. And now that they patched things up and are getting married again- that she is now able to be normal again?? I don't know. I'm just assuming all this here. Because if that wasn't the case- it just wouldn't make much sense to me, just why would those things happen the way they did last summer otherwise??! Anyway, I'm glad that's over with.
So now we've met- and it was no big deal, and it's obvious to everyone in his family that we are together (and judging from how they treated me at DD's wedding- I know Hiker's told them all about me already and I am not just an acquaintance to him in their eyes- which is great- because we AREN'T just acquaintances!). It was all very simple and non-dramatic after all the hoo-ha over it last year- so yeah, a bit anti-climactic but at the same time, I MUCH prefer having NO drama over it!!! I'm just glad it's finally done.
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Pages