The nasty tests women dish.............

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
The nasty tests women dish.............
11
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 11:21am

the nasty tests women dish - from a column on a male site:


Women are like spoiled children. They are self-focused, insecure and irrational. They crave drama and games. They demand constant attention, reassurance, and above all, power in relationships. And, like children, who ceaselessly push limits to see just how much they can get away with from their parents, women relentlessly test men.

Just how do women test? Here are a few examples:

Canceling or changing plans at the last minute.
Not returning phone calls (even though she's interested in you).
Finding fault with your clothes, hair, car, etc. and pressuring you to change them.
Pouting when you want to spend time with your buddies.
Bringing up the dreaded "Where do you think this relationship is going?" question.
Acting bratty, bitchy, demanding, dramatic, picky, or manipulative to see if you will put with it.
Testing to see how nice you are (will you back down or change your behavior to suit her?).
Expecting you to ask for permission before doing any "guy stuff."
Blatantly flirting with other men in front of you.
Accusing you of doing things you didn't do.
Threatening to leave or end the relationship if she doesn't get her way.
Blaming you when you call her on her behavior.
Making you jump through all sorts of hoops.
Asking "no-win situation" questions ("Does this dress make me look fat?").
Playing hard-to-get -- pretending she's not interested in you when she really is, and then expecting you to keep pursuing her.
Not answering questions directly/expecting you to be a mind reader and then blaming you when you're not.
Withholding sex and making you beg for it.

.........................................................................................

Are you guilty? Have you ever been guilty or NO WAY NEVER DID IT.

LOOL I've pulled a few! - cat

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 11:38am
Never done any of those.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 11:42am

Oh for pete's sake! I could write that same first paragraph but start it with "MEN are like..." and it would be true for SOME men, but not all men. I don't think it's true of most women. Here is my answers to the list:

>>>Canceling or changing plans at the last minute. Not returning phone calls (even though she's interested in you). Finding fault with your clothes, hair, car, etc. and pressuring you to change them.<<<

Not guilty - and this behavior is not limited to just women.

>>>Pouting when you want to spend time with your buddies.<<<

Never. Guys should spend time with their friends and their girlfriends should do the same. Duh. If she pouts because he spends 90% of his spare time with his buddies, then that is a different issue.

>>>Bringing up the dreaded "Where do you think this relationship is going?" question.<<<

Guilty. And it would be pretty stupid not to ask this question when you REALLY need no know and your ability/desire to stay in the relationship DEPENDS on the answer!

>>>Acting bratty, bitchy, demanding, dramatic, picky, or manipulative to see if you will put with it.<<<

Bratty, bitchy, demanding - NO. Dramatic, picky, manipulative - ON OCCASION, but always for a good reason LOL :)

>>>Testing to see how nice you are (will you back down or change your behavior to suit her?).<<<

This seems really vague, and it was obviously written by a man scorned. Heaven forbid this guy is out their in the dating pool.

>>>Expecting you to ask for permission before doing any "guy stuff."<<<

Permission, no. Wanting to know what the plans are ahead of time so I can plan accordingly, guilty.

>>>Blatantly flirting with other men in front of you. Accusing you of doing things you didn't do.<<<

This could be any insecure or generally nutty male or female. My guess is that if this guy's girlfriend "asked" him if he did x or y, he would say she was "accusing" him. And he probably picks girls that flirt a lot and then gets mad when they continue right on flirting a lot.

>>>Threatening to leave or end the relationship if she doesn't get her way.<<<

I've only threatened when I really meant it, and of course, this could describe any person who believes they must leave a relationship because their needs are not being met, and hey, at least she was giving him one last chance!

>>>Blaming you when you call her on her behavior. Making you jump through all sorts of hoops.<<<

How vague can this guy get?

>>>Asking "no-win situation" questions ("Does this dress make me look fat?").<<<

If this guy can't handle this type of question, he has no business being in a relationship at all.

>>>Playing hard-to-get -- pretending she's not interested in you when she really is, and then expecting you to keep pursuing her.<<<

Versus falling all over him and being very clear just how into him she is - I get the feeling nobody could win with this guy.

>>>Not answering questions directly/expecting you to be a mind reader and then blaming you when you're not.<<<

Guilty as charged! Working on it!

>>>Withholding sex and making you beg for it.<<<<

My ex-h was guilty of this constantly throughout our marriage and I ended up resenting him to the point the marriage could not be repaired. I have never done this to someone I was in a relationship with, what in the heck would I get out of it? I WANT sex!

------------------------

I am not sure whether to be mad at what this guy wrote because it is such a blantant and inaccurate generalization, or feel really sorry for him and any woman that dates him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2001
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 12:25pm

Wow! Reading that list was like reading my IE's biography. I think she pulled at least half of those!

LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 12:27pm

I haven't played them, but my ex certainly did. And my last bf too...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 12:34pm

>>>Asking "no-win situation" questions ("Does this dress make me look fat?").<<<

If this guy can't handle this type of question, he has no business being in a relationship at all.

I don't agree with that - unless he's allowed to answer her honestly. Most women I know ask this question as a way of fishing for a compliment. Which drives me nuts. It's the same as a woman who is told "oh, LOVE your new hair-do!" and she replies "really? Do you like it? I don't know, I don't really like it. I'm not sure. It's not what I was picturing." WHENEVER a friend asks me "does this make me look fat?" or does the "really? Do you like it?" I respond - "yeah, as a matter of fact - your butt looks HUGE in that!" or "You know, on second thought, hate your hair. It looks awful."

If I ask TT "does this dress make me look fat?" I darned well better be prepared if he answers "honestly, babe, doesn't look great on you." That would send most women to the bedroom in tears. Just like "what are you thinking about right now?" when he's zoned out on the Baywatch Rerun commercial. It's a loaded question. I hate it. If you can't handle the answer - don't ask the question.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 12:51pm

First:

I agree with you on so many points. "I am not sure whether to be mad at what this guy wrote because it is such a blantant and inaccurate generalization, or feel really sorry for him and any woman that dates him." When I read this list, I was kind of mad and insulted. But I have been a crabby this week because I'm not feeling well, so I thought it was just me. Thanks for sharing your opinions. This guy is generalizing every woman. Granted, there are some women out there who exhibit some of these characteristics -- but let's be real -- all of them, all at one time. This guy sounds like he has an ax to grind with women, and I do feel sorry for any woman he comes across.

As for the list, there were a few things I have done in the past. Like getting upset when my exh went out with his friends. But, it was 3 nights a week and I was at home by myself pregnant with twins. I think I had a right to complain. What if I went into labor?

>>>Acting bratty, bitchy, demanding, dramatic, picky, or manipulative to see if you will put with it.<<< I'm sure I've done this in the past to some extent, like when I was a lot younger. These statements are so general, it kills me. Right now, I'm almost 40 years old. I'm too old, busy, stressed, and experienced to play the kind of games this guy is talking about. Who has that much time and effort? Certainly not this single mom.

>>>Withholding sex and making you beg for it.<<<< Of all his statements, this one bothers me the most. Of all the female stereotypes, this one makes me the most nuts. I'm so sick of the generalization made by men that women hate sex and never want it. No man I was ever with ever had to beg for sex -- but I practically had to when I was married. I'm with First -- I like sex, alot, and I'm just grateful that I finally found someone who likes it as much as me.

I agree with you that we could take his list and plug in "man" for woman. Or, better yet, make our own list. I know I could come up with a few things about men that really irritate me.

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 12:56pm

I wasn't saying *how* he had to handle it. LOL. It just seems this guy has a problem with a woman wanting a little reassurance on her appearance, and geez, this is probably one of the easiest things to address in a relationship. If he can't handle this questions coming out of her mouth, how can this guy ever expect to deal with real hard relationship problems that come after years of marriage, financial difficulties, severe illness in the family, etc.

I would never ask anyone if I looked fat in something. I do know there are plenty of women out there who ask the question and plenty of guys who would respond with "no honey, you look great" (since that is what she wants to hear and it might very well be true) and plenty of other guys that would say "honey, I hate when you ask me that question because you've been saying you will go to the gym for a year and you never go, and I like the other dress better." There are a ton off acceptable responses (and many that would keep the question from being asked again), it really just should not be a big deal.

Edit: I thought of a better way to illustrate my point. I used to have the annoying habit of 'discussing' my ex-h's driving choices - meaning as he was driving I would say "Are you going to turn left here, this way would be faster." I knew it he found it irritating but I felt I was trying to be helpful. One day he just said very clearly how my comments made him feel and I started biting my tongue. From then on whoever was driving got to pick the route they felt was best (they could solicit advice if they chose). I realized that my ex-h had a valid point, and after a while I didn't have to force myself to bite my tongue. Now I don't make those kind of comments no matter who I am driving with, and I have been trying really hard to get my mom to stop making these kinds of comments to my step-dad when he's driving. Once I could see how annoying that behavior is, I can't stand it. So my point was just that the author from the OP would say I'm a bad person because I exhibited annoying behavior. I say differently. I say if you are in a relationship with someone and they do something annoying, talk to them and work it out.




Edited 3/11/2005 2:33 pm ET ET by firstamendment

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Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 2:30pm

I have perhaps unconsciously done some of these things, but NEVER on purpose. I don't "test" anyone. I do a lot of talking. I learned to ask direct questions.


I DO remind my DH when he needs a haircut!


I REALLLLY did not appreciate that first paragraph though. Pretty rude, don't you think? But I guess women's mags/sites have the equivalent disrespectful attitudes directed toward men.

Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 5:09pm

Well this does look like the nasty generalization list we all laugh about when it comes to men. I suppose this is the way they would have their day with us.

But seriously, this post made me think of what I think when I read those online dating profiles of men who say no games - to that, I say, what are you doing to get those games? A woman who acts like that is not being treated the right way.

When you are with the right person that brings out the good in you, you will not act or feel that way. But when you are with the wrong person, and especially if you had sex too soon, then you will act that way. I can actually speak from experience on this one.

But now I am in that patience boat. With Candi!! :-)

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 7:27pm

I knew this topic would get interesting....

I have done the following, but also not on a test basis, but especially like number 3 below, because I think the guy looks like "§$% and he needs to be told! If he takes it offensive, his perogative, but I welcome that a girlfriend or guy tells me that I like crap in a dress or otherwise. Not EVERYTHING can suit me. If you can't take it, tough luck, your with the wrong person; me. LOL

Canceling or changing plans at the last minute.
My answer: I'M a single mom, what the heck do you expect.

Not returning phone calls (even though she's interested in you).
My answer: Maybe I'm busy! But I do get around to it, but I don't jump through their hoops either!

Finding fault with your clothes, hair, car, etc. and pressuring you to change them.
My answer: As stated up above.

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