Need advice!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Need advice!!
6
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 4:56pm

Ok, I am here for a bit of advice, might be a long story so hang in there.....

Last summer I traveled with my best friend(male) and his wife to visit his family about 350 miles from where we all live. I met his family a while back when they were visiting our town, and we all hit it off well. He and I work together and I am also close friends with his wife, although he and I are closer than she and I. Well, we traveled to stay overnight with his family and attend a get together at my friends parents the next day. During the get together I met one of my friends cousins and we really seemed to hit it off well, we hung out together that day, talked about a lot of similarities in our life(being single and feeling like the third wheel at times, interests, difficulties in our previous relationships, etc.), ate our meal together, basically we just seemed to click right away. Well, as the day ended and we were getting ready to leave this guy told me that I should come back the next time my friend visited his family and we should all go out. I guess as I left I felt like there was some attraction on my part, but I ignored a lot of the signals he was putting out that day. I guess I felt like he was just being friendly and didn't want me to be left out, so I thought about him a few times but never acted on those feelings. Now, to the present time, last week at work my friend and I were talking about that get together and he told me some of the things his cousin had mentioned to him about me. He said his cousin told him how much he enjoyed my company, how attractive he thought I was, and how much fun he had with me that day just hanging out. I was a little upset with him for not telling me what his cousin had mentioned to him, I felt like he should have told me then and given me the opportunity to act if I chose to. Of course I kicked myself for being so naive and such an idiot for not picking up on some of the signals he put out there. Well, I asked him to see if maybe his cousin might still be single and I might be able to get into touch with him if he wasn't involved with anyone. He agreed and said he would make a phone call for me last night. This morning as I am talking to my friend on the phone he said he changed his mind and didn't think it was such a great idea to even get involved in it. That he didn't want to be in the middle if we did get together and things didn't work out. Well, my woman's intuition immediately told me that his wife talked to him and told him not to make the call for me. Not the first time that's happened. When I asked him about it, he admittted that she didn't think it was a good idea and told him not to call. He also said she felt like I shouldn't even contact this guy at all, that it has been a long time ago and that if he was interested he would have done more to contact me. I feel slighted that my friend never let me know his cousin expressed interest, and that I might have missed an opportunity with a really neat guy. I don't know what to do, I want to contact him and see how things are going with him or if he is still single. As of about a month ago he was not dating anyone. If he's not available or just not interested, that's ok. But for some reason I feel like maybe he said the things to my friend that he did in the hopes my friend would share the comments with me and things might progress from there. So, what do you guys think?? Do I let it go or just casually feel out the situation by giving this guy a call and go from there? If he is not single or not interested I can handle that, but I don't want to let it go without at least knowing. I guess I am an optomistic person and feel like you never know what might happen if you don't at least give it a try........

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 5:03pm

Am I correct in assuming that the cousin is 350 miles away? If so, that might be a reason the friend and his wife said to leave it alone. Also the cousin has a phone and the ability to ask for your number and get in touch with you if he really wants to. So I would not do anything about this. But that is just me and my opinion of what I would do for me.

Welcome to our board - I am sure the others will chime in. We hope you stick around and participate in our discussions.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 9:35pm
Hi and welcome to our board! I agree with Judy. If he were really interested, he knows how to find you. Also, if he is 350 miles away it would be pretty tough to have a relationship. I have learned the hard way to let them chase you. Yeah, it is sexist. Unfortunately, it is true. Hope you stick around. We have a great group of ladies!
Stephanie
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 11:41pm

Hi and welcome,


Ok... let me get this straight... you met a guy LAST summer, as in TWELVE months ago... and you're wondering if you should contact him???


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 11:57pm
Ok, yes it was twelve months ago, and he does live 350 miles away. You guys are probably more than right. I just was surprised to hear all of the things that he told my friend, and felt like if he had shared those things with me there may have been something there. I have been accused of being a dreamer a time or two, it's a terrible curse. I felt like maybe he told my friend those things in hopes they would get back to me, who knows he might be as shy as I am. When I asked my friend why he didn't tell me what his cousin said he answer was "I was being selfish." Whoa, that one caught me off guard for sure, I am single he is married, how does that work? When I thought about it I was more than a little upset. Your question about someone closer to here, the outlook tends to be dismal, the prospects are not promising. I live in a rather small town in middle TN, and the good guys all seem to be taken, and the others are either rednecks or on unemployment, maybe my standards are too high, I don't know....I also have 3 children who take up a lot of my time, I don't get out that much to meet people. What suggestions do you have for meeting decent, educated gentlemen. I go to church with no real prospects there...............Thanks Ladies for the advice............
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 4:27pm

I think your friend was just being a guy!! Don't read too much into that.

It is hard to meet a nice guy no matter your age, child status, whatever. I have so many friends from so many categories looking - and it is hard for all of them. I know it is hard to get out when you have kids. But I think if you just start to make an effort to meet new people wherever you go you will expand your social horizon. Perhaps there are even more kid activities you can do so you will meet a single dad near you. And there is always online dating - people here have had luck with that although for me it has been amusing at best.

Good luck - hope you will stick around!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 11:47pm
Thanks cl-west.... You seem to be a very smart and level headed woman. I know how hard it is to find a nice guy out there. I have been divorced 3 years and have only seriously dated one guy, and that was on the rebound for me. I have pretty much been out of the dating scene for the last 2 years, and have really concentrated on my kids and their happiness. I have gotten to the point I feel like they have stabilized after the divorce, and so have I. I am ready to get out, sometimes it gets pretty lonely watching all your friends go home with their mates and know you are going home alone again. I guess I just need to be patient and let things take their course. I have been told I am a good catch, just need the right fish to take the bait I guess. Thanks again for your words of wisdom, and I think I might hang around for a while. Good to know others are experiencing the frustrations I have and will. Thanks!!!