What a dilemma! But despite your love for each other... if he just can't seem to get into being in the fatherly role, or adjust to the fact that dating you or being with you means having a child in his life as well... then he should move on. It's not like you won't have a child around soon! Even if he might not be a toddler anymore, he will STILL be a child, and he will STILL be with you! It's not all that temporary a thing! So if the man can't handle it, then you're just not a match. He has to be able to accept you AND your child, or it's a no-go, IMO.
It's situations like this that make me wonder about those mothers who kill their kids so they can be with their boyfriends. Because the boyfriend is making them CHOOSE- and those crazy moms choose the boyfriend instead of her own babies. Not that I'm saying that about YOU, goddess... it's just that you DON'T want to be with a man who would ever ask you to CHOOSE.
Hopefully you guys can just step it down a knotch and slow things down. And give him some time to adjust, if he can. And until you know HE is ready and willing and able to be a more permanent part of your child's life, don't let them spend too much time together. It would be really sad if your DS gets attached to him, but he doesn't love your DS back.
Timing may be key - and this is not something you have control over. To have a 2 year old plus a new relationship is sort of hard on everyone's nerves. That gives me a headache thinking about it - my heart goes out to you because I can really appreciate how difficult a toddler can be - it is DRAINING and they do not make sense with what they do (and do over and over!).
There is not really anything you can do to make it appear different than from what it is. I bet part of the problem is that you have gotten really into the groove of the demands of parenting a toddler/child and you are used to it plus it is yours. On the other hand your bf is young and carefree and is looking at this like what am I getting myself into. At this state of your relationship some of those silly warm infatuation butterflies are wearing off and now he is thinking more clearly.
Sure, you can spend more time away from the child - you do need your own adult time - but if he is thinking he doesn't want this that is his right to do so and it is better now than 2 years from now. Perhaps a dialog of expectations is in order.
People look at different situations all different ways and this is also something you can't control and have to be aware of. One person who loves kids and likes that lifestyle might look at your situation like they are lucky. I did meet a guy like this - he LOVED my son and didn't want to have kids of his own and loved that my son was so young and sweet and this bf had all the patience and playfulness in the world with my DS. The relationship ended up not working out because that bf did not believe in paying taxes on a yearly basis - so there was no future in it based on my own core values. But that is the kind of guy you want if you have a kid. It is not like you can erase the kid or stash him in the closet.
Wow!
What a dilemma! But despite your love for each other... if he just can't seem to get into being in the fatherly role, or adjust to the fact that dating you or being with you means having a child in his life as well... then he should move on. It's not like you won't have a child around soon! Even if he might not be a toddler anymore, he will STILL be a child, and he will STILL be with you! It's not all that temporary a thing! So if the man can't handle it, then you're just not a match. He has to be able to accept you AND your child, or it's a no-go, IMO.
It's situations like this that make me wonder about those mothers who kill their kids so they can be with their boyfriends. Because the boyfriend is making them CHOOSE- and those crazy moms choose the boyfriend instead of her own babies. Not that I'm saying that about YOU, goddess... it's just that you DON'T want to be with a man who would ever ask you to CHOOSE.
Hopefully you guys can just step it down a knotch and slow things down. And give him some time to adjust, if he can. And until you know HE is ready and willing and able to be a more permanent part of your child's life, don't let them spend too much time together. It would be really sad if your DS gets attached to him, but he doesn't love your DS back.
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Goddess,
Do you guys spend more time alone together or is your child always in the picture? Is his father active in his life?
Welcome to the board, Goddess,
I'm wondering why it is that he's feeling pressure to parent YOUR child?
I like what everyone else writes.
Timing may be key - and this is not something you have control over. To have a 2 year old plus a new relationship is sort of hard on everyone's nerves. That gives me a headache thinking about it - my heart goes out to you because I can really appreciate how difficult a toddler can be - it is DRAINING and they do not make sense with what they do (and do over and over!).
There is not really anything you can do to make it appear different than from what it is. I bet part of the problem is that you have gotten really into the groove of the demands of parenting a toddler/child and you are used to it plus it is yours. On the other hand your bf is young and carefree and is looking at this like what am I getting myself into. At this state of your relationship some of those silly warm infatuation butterflies are wearing off and now he is thinking more clearly.
Sure, you can spend more time away from the child - you do need your own adult time - but if he is thinking he doesn't want this that is his right to do so and it is better now than 2 years from now. Perhaps a dialog of expectations is in order.
People look at different situations all different ways and this is also something you can't control and have to be aware of. One person who loves kids and likes that lifestyle might look at your situation like they are lucky. I did meet a guy like this - he LOVED my son and didn't want to have kids of his own and loved that my son was so young and sweet and this bf had all the patience and playfulness in the world with my DS. The relationship ended up not working out because that bf did not believe in paying taxes on a yearly basis - so there was no future in it based on my own core values. But that is the kind of guy you want if you have a kid. It is not like you can erase the kid or stash him in the closet.
Keep us posted - hope this helps.