need advice or a swift kick

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
need advice or a swift kick
10
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 6:24pm
Ok...I'm writing because my instincts tell me to walk away and keep my mouth shut, but I really don't know if that is the right thing or not. I'm talking about Mr. Exotic. To recap, we fooled around pretty heavily on new years eve after definitely expressing interest in each other. I DID NOT have sex with him, nor did I do something else that he was pushing me pretty hard to do. Nope...sorry Mr! Not me and not yet. I told him that
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 6:34pm

The thing is, that he may NOT have used you.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 6:50pm
Ohh my goodness! You are exactly right and that's just what I needed to hear! Thanks!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 7:40pm

Let it go. You had fun - but you didn't do anything you didn't want. All you were left with is some expectation that he would want the same thing. But he doesn't. The more you talk to him the more you feed this expectation.

Pretend his a pile of trash floating by on the proverbial river - and there you are watching it float away - bye bye - it is not what you want.

He wanted sex - you wanted a relationship. End of story.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 9:47pm

I agree with Alison, but from another direction.


If he's not a gentleman, he can 'let it be known' at your single parent's group that you had consensual snogging, but then blamed him for it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Sun, 01-06-2008 - 1:09am
Hi. I think you have definitely made the right decision in not writing. Even if you do run into him again I would keep your distance and just be cordial. The fact is that anyone who would get very close to and even push for intimacy with you and then drop out of sight for a week isnt very genuine, you know? I mean sure you were there too but that is why you stopped things from going further. If he were genuine he would not only have respected that but he would have called or been in touch since to do things right by you and perhaps slower. I am sure you could just say he wanted sex and you wanted a relationship and I think that is correct but....well in the last few years I think I have decided that anyone that interacts with me physically like that and then drops out completely might as well send me a "you've been used" ecard. Only that would be them being in touch!!:( Sorry if that sounds harsh!
If he ever looks you straight in the eye and says, "hey are you upset about something? you seem kinda _____?" maybe you can tell him you just dont have room for people who take your physical or emotional generosity and throw it out the window. Waiting for that moment will be worth it if it ever happens. NOt writing at all or being in contact at all gets my vote for sure!
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Sun, 01-06-2008 - 8:53am

ITA with everyone. Move on. If it would make you feel better you could write your message to him on paper, then just throw it away. I liked West's visualization tactic. And let's face it, there are just times when the petting gets a little too heavy and it is hard to calm yourself down about the whole situation. Everyone's BTDT at one point in their life. It may have been happening to him at that time also. The next day he may have been calling HIMSELF a jerk and thinking "I can't call her now, there's no telling what she thinks of me."

Emma...wondering where Soonee comes up with these words ... "snogging", LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Sun, 01-06-2008 - 10:40am

"Snogging" comes straight out of Harry Potter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 01-06-2008 - 10:57am
You are so hilarious!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 01-07-2008 - 5:09am

What would writing him accomplish? (Al, are you reading this? lol ... i should listen to my OWN advice! hehehe)


You feel/know he was using you. He obvioulsy didnt RESPECT you if he was "pushing that hard" for what i think he was.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 01-07-2008 - 5:12am
Ooh, i forgot this was the guy she knew from the single parents group - i thought it was a 1st tmie meeting or something .... yes, i beleive she should just go along as if nothing happened. Keep it cordial

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