need hugs
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| Mon, 01-05-2009 - 12:07am |
i'm devasted.. i sooo wanted to see MM and told him about the back rub... but i couldn't tonight. i get back late from having my teens over the weekend. and i couldn't get a sitter. so even tho I wanted to connect with him and have our conversation.. no, it wasn't possible. and i'm in tears.
he said he'd take a rain check and it's all good.. BUt i'm a mess right now.
i've never gotten this far, ever, in a relationship. i don't knwo wht the heck i'm doing..... well. and i've been drinking since i found out i cant see him. horrible i know to drown my sorrows but i just don't know.
sucks not being able to have what i want..... sucks trying to balance things and wnat it all but reality smacking me in the face. i just need hugs. honestly.
Loonybunny

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Hey hun he said it's all good. Guys usually mean what they say. (((BIG HUGS)))
Just make that rain check extra special sugar.
Was there an issue or something I missed? Why are you devestated over not being able to see him tonite? Was it something special planned or something? I havent been reading much but i did scan quickly, a while ago, your worries about being too clingy ..... Granted Im out of the loop, but i THINK having to cancel a date, getting drunk & crying about it - if youre letting him know, then it may make him look at you as clingy.
I never asked the age of your kids. But do your teens babysit? That could be the answer. Or maybe I am missing something.
Hugs anyhow. Yes you will get together with MM and have the conversation. Until then just enjoy your time alone and with the kids.
Laurie
i suppose frustration is a better word than devasted.
i didn't tell MM that i was that disappointed. So, i don't think he's seen that and maybe is clueless about how nutso i go behind the scenes.
today is a new day.i will try once again to think of what is excellent and worthy of praise.
thanks all for the hugs.
"sucks not being able to have what i want..... sucks trying to balance things and wnat it all but reality smacking me in the face. i just need hugs. honestly."
First, here are some <<<>> coming your way.
Loony-
How are you today? Have you talked to MM? I know that for myself in the past...little things seems really big until I get the chance to get clarification. I understand your worry and panic..not that it's logical (but what feeligs are logical?) but I understand them. I've felt them too in my past. It is a gripping, anxiety that makes you feel like your being drowned and you panic. Or like you are totally alone and abandoned. Loony- I have felt that panic before. And after you talk to MM, no matter what he says, it will get better. Clarification will help tremendously. Talk it out and don't worry too much over how you come accross. You should not have to worry about being perfect for MM or editing who you are or your feelings. If he cares about you he will listen. Just talk it out and I know you will better.
(((((Hugs)))) Hang in there....today is another
thanks pac. It feels good to know you understand. How am i feeling today? well... like I overeacted last night. Panic was a good description. Emotionally i'm going where i haven't gone in a looooong while and i'm scared. I need to be sure that MM is heading in the same direction... which my instincts say he is. His xmas card to me said "i'm glad i met you. Love, MM"
MM sent a good morning text
"it just frightens me. what if i can't make it work?"
Then you can't make it work... and it won't be the end of the world.
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