Need more advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Need more advice
4
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 1:27pm

I wrote here a month or so ago about the guy I met. The meeting of his mom and best friend went very well, both were very laid back and down to earth. And he defined the relationship a couple of weeks ago and asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend. Seemed a bit formal, but I like that. What prompted the definition was that I asked him if he was willing to stick by me as I go back to school. I'm attempting to get my degree by spring graduation, which means 2 semesters of full time. Along with full time work, kids, church, and family. And I thought it would be only fair to ask him if he really wanted to get involved in this and a perfect way if he wanted to end it. I mean, this is a big committment, without seeming so if that makes any sense. And he said that he would support me in any of my goals and if that's what I want and need to do, he's there for me and the girls. And we left it like that and towards the end of the conversation he asked to be his GF. So now we're official =)

Since then I've met his kids and vice versa. I know I know, I broke one of my rules but if felt like a natural step for us. And his kids and my kids get along very well. Yesterday was his last day of his weekend with his guys and he invited me and my girls to come over. The visit went pretty well. His 6 year old and my 3 year old get along really well. Actually his kids and my kids get along well considering he has all boys and I have all girls. But his 10 year old kept insisting on playing the PS2 after his older brother and my bf said no because it was almost time for him to drop him off back to his mom. The 10 year old kept going and my bf kept telling him to let the argument drop. The 10 year old still kept going any my bf told him to shut up.

That shocked me because my bf has always been easy going, nothing really gets underneath his skin. Not sure if this is an underlying red flag? Should I take it as it is and not get bent out of shape? Bad parenting day? And I know about those with 2 toddlers. Was he just being human? Potentially abusive? Didn't seem to phase the 10 year old because I heard him muttering under his breath about the video game still. Is the 10 year old showing off in front of me? Should I be concerned about this at all? This relationship seems so nice and too good to be true sometimes. I keep waiting for the other shoe to fall and all of this to become another false illusion. Was this the other shoe? I need advice!

MC

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 1:47pm

I think it is too soon to tell. Kids do test their parents.

Video games are addicting and kids don't like to stop them. 10 year olds are different from toddlers. They always test boundaries and they only have good behavior when they do have firm boundaries and adequate attention.

You are smart to observe what you are getting into with 2 more children. Keep us posted!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 4:53pm
I agree with West, it's too soon to tell. Keep your eye's and ears open, not just because of his reaction to his son but just because it's smart. If his only flaw is using the words 'shut up' you can say to him that you don't like those words and would prefer 'the discussion is over' or setting a consequence for asking one more time. If he's a decent guy, he'll understand and use different words. If it's more a temper or anger issue, that will become apparent with time. Keep taking it slow, but in general he seems like a nice guy from everything else in your post.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Fri, 07-29-2005 - 1:59pm
Kids will try your patience to the extreme. I think all of us have yelled out at our kids. It's not good parenting to lose your cool, but it's not necessarily abusive. We're all human and make mistakes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2004
Fri, 07-29-2005 - 11:43pm
Your boyfriend may also have been extra-tense because it was happening in front of you and your kids at a time when he was hoping to make a good impression.

Stephanie, CL of the Dating as a Single Parent board: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-p