Need opinions about a crazy neighbor

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2005
Need opinions about a crazy neighbor
4
Thu, 03-17-2005 - 11:34am

My STBX and my neighbor (A) have had a relationship since (he says) shortly after we separated. She is a classic example of "you can take the girl out of the trailor park" if you know what I mean. So, before they got together, we were all friends and I had loaned her some clothes. She returned them last weekend, through another neighbor (N), who is my good friend. Well(N)had been out to dinner with her own husband and had a bottle of wine, and a few margharitas, and proceeded to say some really ugly things to(A) along the lines of "Oh how gracious was Jessie to loan you her clothes. And how did you repay that...oh yeah by F****** her husband" etc.etc.etc. Well, (A) lives directly across the street from me, and my husband and I are actually getting along well right now, so he has been over a bit helping with homework, watching the kids when I work nights... she (A)has threatened to get violent with me if she sees his car here anymore. Myself, I just want to live my life and raise my kids, this is MY HOUSE and I am not selling or moving. I don't want to fight, especially in front of my kids, but I don't trust her to stay off my property. And I will be forced to kick her ass if she comes over here. She has made up stories in the past, for example she once told my husband that she came home and caught snooping on her back porch. He called me freaking out but I had company who had been here all day and it was apparent even to him that it was a totally fabricated story.

Anyway, I don't trust (A) at all, especially since being humiliated and badgered by (N). I half want to confront her about the whole situation, which I've never done. Instead I have ignored the situation with her altogether. I'm not jealous at all, they totally deserve each other, but she's done some really crappy things to try and keep him away from his kids, like threatening to commit suicide if he spent Valentine's Day with them as promised instead of with her.

I also have a restraining order against her husband, who has called me many times to make sure I don't forget he plans on killing my husband! Who hasn't lived here in a year!

So, what would you all do?

Confrontation or ignore the situation.

Jessie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 03-17-2005 - 12:07pm

Yikes. It's a tough one. There may be some things you have to overlook, and some things that you can't. The best tactic I think is to keep reminding your STBX that in no way should his gf's demands affect the kind of father he is. Keep that the main issue. It's about his relationship with the children, and that needs to be protected. *He* needs to be the one to tell her that his car will be over there because that is where his children are and they need him. If any good parent is asked to pick between a gf/bf and their children, they pick the children, so she should be made to see that pushing it will result in him dumping her (hopefully, vs spending less time with the children at her request), but he has to be the one to make that message clear to her.

I wouldn't worry too much about her coming near you, but if she does you can certainly get an RO against her too.

Hugs though - that is a really cr*ppy situation.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2001
Thu, 03-17-2005 - 4:15pm
Move.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Thu, 03-17-2005 - 8:39pm

I agree, you should move. I know that you want to stay there because it's your house and you shouldn't have to move, but I think you really need to take the situation more seriously. This neighbour has a crazy ex husband whom you already have a restraining order against. Do you really need that guy coming over to your house to tell you in person what his intentions are? How do you think the kids would feel about that?

You need to move from that street and change your phone number. Have you reported this man's continued harrassment to the police? Maybe a visit by the police because he's violating his restraining order by contacting you.

I know it's a big hassle, but for your safety and the kids safety it's better in the long run to move. And then tell your ex husband you do not want his new girlfriend to find out where you have moved to- because of her ex. If he's understanding about the safety of his children, he will be cooperative to your request.

And about the neighbour? Let it go. She's just trying to irk you, and if you act like nothing then she's going to know it's not going to work. She's trying to get a rise out of you because then she can laugh and say, "see, she's causing a ruckus". I know you'd like to rip her head off for everything that has happened, but I'm sure that's exactly what she's looking for- don't give her the satisfaction.

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 03-18-2005 - 11:51am
Excellent advice. Short and to the point. And for the sake of
Becky