Need to ramble about SO

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Need to ramble about SO
23
Mon, 07-05-2004 - 12:05pm
OK - so it has been over a year we have been together and although things in our relationship are for the most part really great I still can not get past the fact that he has these issues with his parents and also that he is unwilling to make a SOLID commitment. Although I know he isn't dating anyone else even a little and I know he isn't looking either and we spend a considerable amount of time together and I can count on him for support and even some monetary help too now....I feel like this gap we have between being committed to now and being committed to forever is tearing me up. I push it aside and I may be able to continue that longer but I have my moments and I notice they are getting more frequent. I find myself making snide remarks about it as sarcastic "half-jokes". If he mentions doing somthing for his mother I say things like "And we can't let HER down" things like that.

That is not a good turn in the relationship and I know that. I am not doing it blindly. I am frustrated to the point of no return. Yes - I think ther may be no return. I am trying to hold out. Because I love him. But will he get past this? Is this a situation or a personality flaw? And if it is a personality flaw is it one that I can live with in most situations except for this one. And then, in spite of the fact that I truly believe he does love us - does he?

I have a family reunion on the 31st that he is going to with me. He has a recital again this month that he wants me to attend (because of course his family won't be there) and next month is another race and I have made it ver clear that I want to go. But I am beginning to think that even if I did and he introduced me to his dad it wouldn't be enough. I know it will be "here is my girlfirend" real casual. I don't think this is going to work. I need something bigger from him. I wish he could give it but I don't know how to even tell him that and not have him feel like I am pushing. I am a pushy person I know.

I am sure that a good part of this is my lack of anything secure and stable in my life. I really need that and I know that if he decides to give it it will be somethign I can count on. But he is still deciding. How long is too long. I think this is a tad ridiculous. I am not in a hurry to give up something that I DO trust. But I feel I can't trust it forever. Because he hasn't given me forever yet.

This is too hard :(

Thanks for listening to yet another vent. I have to get to a point where it is too much or he changes and I am not there yet - please bear with me.

Laura

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 5:58pm
I’ve just started watching the show recently and I’m hooked!

Anyway, the scenario you described reminded me of the episode from last night. The woman is having marital problems and is convinced it's all her mother's fault. She blames it all on her mother. Her mother does appear to be the type of woman who just lays it all out on the line without regard to anyone’s feelings, but it turns out the true root of her problem lays elsewhere. She’s in love with her best friend…figures it out, but STILL blames mom.

Avatar for mandymi
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 4:51am

Hey, sorry, I just got back from a quick business trip and wasn't able to get online in the interim...


How's it going?




http://somedaysijustworkhere.blogspot.com/">

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 10:44am
Today - not so great. I am working myself into a hole. Oh well. I will try to update when I not so bummed. Thanks for thinking of me though ((((HUG)))))

L

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