Need some advice....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2007
Need some advice....
3
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 11:24am

So I met this guy through MySpace (classic, I know.). We've been talking & emailing back & forth since February. I was telling my best friend about him, and where he lives & everything. She told me that her friend had a baby with this guy who sounded just like the one I'm chatting with. He didnt even know she was pregnant; she split when she found out, and said he had 'stalker tendancies'. I guess he was calling her all the time, and wanted to spend alot of time with her.


Thats not so bad. But here's a twist. I went to this HUGE birthday party for a friend of

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 12:32pm

How trustworthy is your DDs' dad? I would be cautious about this and try to find more people that know him. Can you do a court record search on him to see if he has domestic battery charges? Because most guys who beat their SO never give off bad vibes in the beginning. They tend to be real nice and accomodating because in a way they are control freaks and really want the other person to like them and be hooked to them. I don't know a whole lot about that - there are others here who can help you more about what to look for since they have experienced this first hand.

It is good if you go out to somewhere public on Saturday - you can see if he does drink a lot. I would meet him somewhere so I have my own transportation. Do not go to his house this soon. Take your time to get to know him.

There are some things that make me a little unsure and secure about him from what you write. Maybe you can find out who else he knows.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 5:23pm

I typically would say that you should not pay too much mind to others. People gossip, and along the way, people are bound to get their stories wrong. If half the things people said about me were true, my life would be WAY more interesting than it really is!

But, if the people who are saying things about him are generally not involved and have no reason to lie AND you know that they are your friends, wouldn't want any harm to come to you AND they have no reason to inherently dislike someone, I might consider what they have to say.

I think this rules out your friend and your baby's daddy, and if I wanted to hear what people had to say about someone, I'd ask someone less invested that he knew.

That being said, there's nothing wrong with being cautious. Meet in public a few times, take it slow, and always provide your own transportation. You won't be stuck. You'll also be able to see if he's the type you'd like to spend any amount of time alone with before you get into a potentially dangerous situation.

Those are four beautiful daughters you have, and they need their mama!

Moody, who's suggesting coffee and conversation


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2007
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 2:56pm

Well, I actually ended up asking him about all of this last night. I asked if he ever cheated on his wife (cause they were married when he supposedly got that girl pregnant), and he said no. I also told him (laughing, to see how he took it) if he knew she was saying he hit her. He got SO mad! Not at me, but at his ex for saying that. He told me he had watched his stepdad beat his mom for years, and he would NEVER have touched her, etc. He goes, "you've seen her. Shes 5" & a size 2. I'm 6'4 & 230. I would have killed her if I hit her!". I really do believe him, too.

Just a side note: The b-day party I went to, that guys name was the same as this guys. Their houses are similar, ie, both on the same river, both a ways off the paved roads, etc. And my guy told me the other guy (they're friends) was dating a girl with her name around the time she got pregnant.

I told him that the reason why I was wanting to take it slow was because of all this stuff I've heard. He was completely understanding. He said if he heard crazy stuff about me, he'd be cautious too. At least I finally got the courage to ask him about it all.

I am going to be careful, but I really, really like this guy!

Cheryce

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