Need some major advice!!!! New to this
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Need some major advice!!!! New to this
| Mon, 04-02-2007 - 2:31pm |
Okay, I'm new here and I have a question for you all!
I recently separated from my husband of 3 years...we have a 1 1/2 year old son together.
I am 22 years old, and I just met this guy last weekend who is 23. He is very cute and has a college degree/good job and seems to have all his ducks in a row, so to speak.
So, we went out last night for the first time. I wanted it to be low-key, so I suggested that we just meet at a bar and have a few drinks. So, we did. We sat and talked and drank for maybe 1-2 hours. It was fun, and we had some good, get-to-know-you conversations. Towards the end of the evening, he just blurted out: "yeah, I'm definitely not ready for a kid"...and I just kind of looked at him and figured 'okay, i guess that is a hint to say he is NOT interested in me'...but then he goes on to say "should we go out again sometime?" and I just look at him like "what?!?" I don't know what to think! Then we get the bill. The waitress sets the bill down in the middle of the table and I grab it first. I look at it and then pull out my wallet, intending to pay of course, but kind of expecting in the back of my mind for him to insist on covering it. He, however, says "She didn't split the checks?" and then I pull out the money to cover MY portion of the bill, and lay it out on the table. He takes it and says that he only has a credit card, so he puts my money in his wallet and pulls out his card to cover it all. So...all in all....he didn't pay. Which is fine...But it makes me wonder why?? What are his intentions? Is this okay that he didn't pay? Is it normal? You see, I didn't have too many relationships/dates before I got married, so I am still a little new to all this!
Before we leave, I talk about how "cold" I am because I just drank a frozen drink. I am wearing a short-sleeved shirt and he has on a shirt and sweatshirt. He doesn't say anything. I keep saying how cold I am...WHY doesn't he offer me his sweatshirt?
As we are leaving the bar, he says "do you want to go home or go do something else, like come over?" I say it doesnt' matter, so he says why don't you just come over for a little while then? I say okay and follow him to his house. We get there and watch TV and talk. He doesn't make any moves on me at all, so I know he isn't just after me for sex. He does kiss me at the end of the night, however. Just a kiss, though.
Anyway, while we are sitting on his couch watching TV, I bring up what he said in the restaurant about not wanting a kid right now. He says that he admits that my having a kid does freak him out a little bit. Of course, we are still young...but he says that I seem like a really cool girl and he is definitely ready for a relationship (he has been single for over a year now) He has never dated a woman with a child before, and he doesn't know what to expect. He doesn't know if he is ready for it or not...says we should take it slow. He also said that he thought about it all day before our date, and decided that he didn't want to throw away a potentially serious, lasting good relationship just because the woman has a kid (and he will probably want kids in a few years, anyway). He then goes on to say, if we take it slow, he might get attached. I said "what do you mean?" and he says he can't explain.
So my question is....What should I do??? What does he want?? Should I persue this further? He said he is going to call me on Thursday night, so maybe we can go out again. I admit that I am turned off by his lack of paying for the "date" and his not offering me his sweatshirt. But I admire the fact that he is willing to take a chance on a relationship and he has a lot of other good qualities that I can see so far.
HELP PLEASE! any and all advice at all is very welcome!!
THANKS IN ADVANCE!!
I recently separated from my husband of 3 years...we have a 1 1/2 year old son together.
I am 22 years old, and I just met this guy last weekend who is 23. He is very cute and has a college degree/good job and seems to have all his ducks in a row, so to speak.
So, we went out last night for the first time. I wanted it to be low-key, so I suggested that we just meet at a bar and have a few drinks. So, we did. We sat and talked and drank for maybe 1-2 hours. It was fun, and we had some good, get-to-know-you conversations. Towards the end of the evening, he just blurted out: "yeah, I'm definitely not ready for a kid"...and I just kind of looked at him and figured 'okay, i guess that is a hint to say he is NOT interested in me'...but then he goes on to say "should we go out again sometime?" and I just look at him like "what?!?" I don't know what to think! Then we get the bill. The waitress sets the bill down in the middle of the table and I grab it first. I look at it and then pull out my wallet, intending to pay of course, but kind of expecting in the back of my mind for him to insist on covering it. He, however, says "She didn't split the checks?" and then I pull out the money to cover MY portion of the bill, and lay it out on the table. He takes it and says that he only has a credit card, so he puts my money in his wallet and pulls out his card to cover it all. So...all in all....he didn't pay. Which is fine...But it makes me wonder why?? What are his intentions? Is this okay that he didn't pay? Is it normal? You see, I didn't have too many relationships/dates before I got married, so I am still a little new to all this!
Before we leave, I talk about how "cold" I am because I just drank a frozen drink. I am wearing a short-sleeved shirt and he has on a shirt and sweatshirt. He doesn't say anything. I keep saying how cold I am...WHY doesn't he offer me his sweatshirt?
As we are leaving the bar, he says "do you want to go home or go do something else, like come over?" I say it doesnt' matter, so he says why don't you just come over for a little while then? I say okay and follow him to his house. We get there and watch TV and talk. He doesn't make any moves on me at all, so I know he isn't just after me for sex. He does kiss me at the end of the night, however. Just a kiss, though.
Anyway, while we are sitting on his couch watching TV, I bring up what he said in the restaurant about not wanting a kid right now. He says that he admits that my having a kid does freak him out a little bit. Of course, we are still young...but he says that I seem like a really cool girl and he is definitely ready for a relationship (he has been single for over a year now) He has never dated a woman with a child before, and he doesn't know what to expect. He doesn't know if he is ready for it or not...says we should take it slow. He also said that he thought about it all day before our date, and decided that he didn't want to throw away a potentially serious, lasting good relationship just because the woman has a kid (and he will probably want kids in a few years, anyway). He then goes on to say, if we take it slow, he might get attached. I said "what do you mean?" and he says he can't explain.
So my question is....What should I do??? What does he want?? Should I persue this further? He said he is going to call me on Thursday night, so maybe we can go out again. I admit that I am turned off by his lack of paying for the "date" and his not offering me his sweatshirt. But I admire the fact that he is willing to take a chance on a relationship and he has a lot of other good qualities that I can see so far.
HELP PLEASE! any and all advice at all is very welcome!!
THANKS IN ADVANCE!!

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Sweetheart,
Ha! I think we dated the same person! Sounds so similar, so stressful. My advice, because I've lived this SAME situation, is don't stress. Delete his number, so you don't get crazy text messaging fingers late at night. If he messages you, answer or don't. I went back and forth worrying and wondering and stressing about the same type of guy. Soon, it'll stop being so cumbersome. He'll call and this may go somewhere, or it won't.
For six months off and on, I did the same song and dance. The text messages, the nice dates, the "talk" about wanting something serious but not really, the waiting for the phone calls, the no phone calls, the random text messaging. Finally, I just stopped. It was January, and he wanted to give me the Christmas present he bought. He gave me the time he was off of work on a Saturday night. Never told me to call him, or text, or anything. So I didn't. I figured that if he really wanted to see me or give me this so called gift he'd call, come by or get in contact with our only mutual friend. To this day, I have never heard from him again. And I'm THRILLED to not be in that game with someone that wanted a serious realtionship, but wasn't sure he was up to being a "daddy figure" (As if I'd even think of him as that important to even look at my children. Men, sheesh!)
Please, let me know how this goes.
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I am definitely experiencing the same TXT'g phenomenon & hate it. Instead of answering his questions, here's what I
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