need to vent...
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| Fri, 04-27-2007 - 12:50am |
please provide me with some feedback... this is my vent today... i am new here so i will give a brief synopsis of the recent past...
so, i was separated after a few years of an awful experience that you could say was the end of my marriage to someone i thought would be my soulmate... if those exist anyhow...
fighting, embarassing social situations... disrespect to me and kids... i have 2 under the age of 7...
ex says that he isn't interested in dating but talks of someone that he has a deep connection to that he hangs out with after work, etc... needless to say, this is sort of dating to me...
we lost our home, car... everything. i went back to work and school... during the process the kids have been in his care with the understanding that we will live in the same town. the job market where i was was HORRIBLE and i looked for work for 2 years before i found a job... then moved for a much better one...
here i am, without the kids for months... very long, unimaginably horrible months... but keeping my sanity somehow between working as much as possible and regaining my financial stability... it was a much needed step in our pathetic case.
i basically work in a cubicle all day, coming back and forth from there to my home...
i've had some men show interest but it's pushy and too much for me right now... i became infatuated with someone at work and left my number with him. i have never done this before in my life and now i have some weird sinking sense of guilt about it. idk why... something caused me to do it at the time that felt almost like i was compelled...
then i read that it's wrong for a woman to persue a man... but have been told by many men that their relationships started from a woman taking the first initiative... do you think this is wrong for me to do this? i want to have a separate life away from being a mom... and would never bring someone around my children soon after having any sort of relationship, not that anything will come out of this...
before this, i only had an online relationship that lasted 2 months. it was horrible and i'm afraid to try that again... i am hopeless... or am i guilty for wanting some companionship??? i have hobbies, interests... etc... and i am not lonely or needy... what got into me to do something like this???

Welcome! Sorry you have had such a mess in your life - it is horrible to hear of your news.
I think you are a normal human being with needs for affection and love - and that is why you liked this guy.
I am not sure what you need to do to get your situation more stable. Somehow I felt that it is unfair to you to have to carry the entire financial burden for your kids and then not get to see them. But maybe there are a lot of details left out or I didn't understand what I read correctly. It is admirable to do what you did - but I am wondering where you go from here so you can get to see your kids and have time to smell the roses?
Are you still separated or did you get divorced?
Dating is very difficult at best, especially when we are all older and have a few bumps and bruises and various interests, desires and social situations that specialize our compatibility. I would urge you to read this board and participate in the posts so you can learn about how to find a nice guy who is really into you with the right intentions. Online dating does bring the world to your door, but it brings all the bad along with the good and I believe you have to be happy and stable and very firm and true to yourself to find a good one. It takes a lot of patience as well.
I hope this helps somehow.
I hope things work out for you and the kiddos. it's hard, but let us know how that goes, okay?
As far as the man, I wouldn't worry so much about giving a man your number. Act the same as always around him at work- the problem with office romances is that it's sometimes a little too much togetherness and the can be incredible fodders for gossip, yet since most of us spend more time at work than at home, they're bound to happen sometimes. Just be careful if something does happen between the two of you.
As far as pursuing a man, I have only done it once, but I know lots of women who do it and do it well. I think it works for them because they're comfortable doing it. I'm not, but that's me. If this guy is into you, he'll call. If he isn't, he won't.
I would also caution against beating yourself up over wanting companionship. Everyone wants companionship- even if it's just great friends and relatives. Humans aren't normally programmed to be completely independent of others, and relationships.
Good luck, and please keep us posted!
Moody, playing catch up tonight
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