Need to vent- big time...
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| Wed, 07-28-2004 - 2:36am |
D's son J's behavior is becoming more and more difficult each day. It is not what I consider normal kid behavior for a near 8 year old. He is in need of some counseling, but because he is covered through his mom's low-income state insurance plan, only she can be the one to take him in. But SHE doesn't think he has a problem. How can she know? She rarely sees him!
Tonight was their night to be with mom. She picked them up at 5pm and had them until 8pm. E (4y/o)fell asleep on the way to her house and she let him sleep the entire time, so ofcourse now it is nearly midnight and he is still wide awake crying in his room because he doesn't want to go to bed. In the meantime, she lets J spend the entire evening playing Frogger on their x-box. D has told her how we are working with J on his video game addiction, but she is not cooperating! Ofcourse she is not going to notice J's behavioral problems when the boy is glued to a tv screen! grrrrr.
I am really having a tough time with this because I am the one that has to live with this everyday and yet I have absolute zero control over the situation. And my dd has always been such a good kid. And she continues to be so good and patient. Sometimes I feel so guilty that I have thrown her into the middle of all this chaos.
I guess I just need to figure out a way to cope with this since it is not a situation I can change. Right now, I am just so frustrated I want to cry...
Any words of wisdom, thoughts, advice, hugs that I can read when I wake up tomorrow morning will be very much appreciated!
Thanks for reading along...

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Gabriella, yes I can totally relate.....totally relate, times two!!!
You know oddly enough it is quite the opposite. Unlike E, who has no real recollection of what life was like with mom when they were younger, J does. He remembers how mom would always be too busy to play with him, would tell him she was too busy (on the computer) to read him a story, how she would not really listen or pay attention to him and get angry with him or lose her patience when he insisted.
I am the antithesis of her. I play games with him, read him stories, take him to swimming lessons, and soon karate. I praise him when he does good things and remind him when he breaks the rules. I get upset if he does something really bad, just like a "real" mom would. But I am NOT MOM. And I think he is having a real conflict with that. He has become increasingly less interested in going to mom's house and often asks his dad to let him stay home.
E on the other hand is holding fast to the "You're not my mom!" thing, especially when he's in trouble. LOL But she has always given E more attention, he is the "baby" and he adores her. But he is bonding with me big time, because I am the one who is always there to give him TLC when he scrapes his knee, or pick him up when he trips over his big growing feet. I'm the one he curls up with on the couch when he's ready to go to bed.
And I fear that you are right about parts of her rubbing off on the boys. D once told me that he suspects that she has undiagnosed bipolarism and I fear that J may be following in her footsteps. He shows all the textbook symptoms of ADHD and has extreme emotional reactions and mood swings. There is a lot going on in that little head of his, and I want him to get the help he needs.
I am DEFINITELY going to talk to D about the insurance issue when I get home tonight. The thought had already occurred to me that if they need to see a doctor, we have to go through her, and frankly, that is COMPLETELY unacceptable to me.
thanks for being so supportive and helping me through this!
g
I know David is a fighter though, and he will not let this end here.
Whether she ever figures it out or not, J will still get the help he deserves and needs to try to build a happy youth and a healthy life.
I do hope that she does get it someday though, for her own sake. These are her children and she is flushing them down the toilet. I'd hate to be her 30 or 40 years from now wishing I had done it differently.
Edited 7/28/2004 5:33 pm ET ET by orange_clouds
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