Need to vent just a little
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Need to vent just a little
| Mon, 02-25-2008 - 2:03pm |
Ok,after a weekend where I worked my butt off and was just downright a not so good one,,I in 2 days will be seeing C who was the man I was involved with,(the older man) that I discussed when I first got on this group. I am over the Ex husb by a long shot but this one..I am still not over.It is discouraging because this was the first time in my entire life I felt that I had found my "perfect one." We havent talked in 3 weeks.He became angry when I expressed my hurt by not seeing or hearing from him because he was more of a workaholic than I was.I will see him in 2 days.Its unavoidable and I am not sure how either of us will react.I dont know if he will avoid me or if it will be like nothing happened.He hasnt returned my texts I sent appologizing for how bitchy I was.I didnt sleep very well last night and ended up laying in bed crying.All that I have thought over the last 2 days is how I am going to see him and how hurt I am over all of this when we had such high hopes.We were phenominal together until the feelings got involved and he panicked stating he wasnt ready to get married...MARRIAGE wasnt even spoken of!!!!....I am not sure how I am giong to handle this.I really thought I could handle almost anything and I do know regardless that I will make it through this too..it just hurts and I want to wish for the best but at the say time know its not likely to happen.I dont think I will be ok until this is over and Wed is past and I will finally know for sure.So sorry for the down type of message but I am just really feeling depressed over all of this. So remember to send some good vibes and prayers for Wed.This is just a awful feeling.I know its time I move on and start dating and I really want to,I just need some closure with him.

Hugs!!!
I think it will be OK. I know the anxiety and anticipation must be killing you. It's hard for me to even focus on work when I am waitng for something to happen like that. I will definatley be thinking good thoughts for you this Wednesday.
My hope is that he stops by and talks to you or maybe you can go to lunch. I would let him approach you- and try really hard to keep busy or appear that way- despite the fact that inside you would drop everything for him to talk with you, lol! (I know I would feel kinda like that)
Ya, maybe he got freaked about the expectations he thinks you have, and maybe he's not ready for more. But still- maybe just dating to see what happens without expectations is in the cards.
Good luck- and try to rest better tonight. Pick out something to wear wednesday that makes you feel good!
Thanks girl ,one of the other nurses I work with suggested I might take the day off and I had even thought hard about it. While at one instance I am so worried sick about seeing him and just want to run away the other is telling me he is leaving soon and I may never see him again or at best a year when he returns.In my heart of hearts I know I want to look upon his face and just that small gimmer of hope that something will be there.I dont know what I want to do truly! I think I will never have peace if I dont see him though because this is the one chance I would have for closure.Yeah your right..Im trying overly strong to prove to him I am just as tough as he once bragged that he thought I was.I do however see some Nyquil in my future cause I will be damned that I lose ANY more sleep over it.Girls,Im not strong at all. We were so perfect and its just like we both freaked out because we suddenly developed feelings..only I didnt run from them and he did. The thing is..I want to know he is ok as I know this is a stressfull time for him.I do care enough for him not to bother him if thats what he wants but I just want to atleast see that he is ok for my own peace of mind.But you can bet your bottom dollar this girl will be showing up at work as one damn hot mama regardless of how emotionally drained I am!! I am sure if it is meant to be it will and I keep telling myself that(eventually I will believe it) Ok...gonna try to take a chill pill as they say tonight and relax..and get myself mentally as well as physically prepared for the big meeting! Thanks girls it helps to at least have someone to vent my frustrations and anxiety to!
I have to agree with what West said here, too!!
You can't control what he does or what he feels. And if he is going to "freak and run" just because intense romantic feelings/emotions showed up, then is that really the kind of man you want? Do you want to have to wrangle your man to stay and be in a relationship with you??
His reaction (if "freaking" at the intensity of his feelings IS what made him run) is NOT because of you or because there is something wrong with you. It's because it's something HE couldn't deal with, and it's not your fault. Nor should it be your problem- because, like I said... you shouldn't have to wrangle a man into a relationship.
I say to go- and like West said- just be friendly and act like nothing ever happened between you. And see what he says/does... but if you know he is leaving soon anyway... then why start something up? Just be friendly and let it go. YOU will be okay, with or without him!
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<