never married men and my kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
never married men and my kids
6
Sat, 05-10-2008 - 9:02pm

I have been in contact with a guy who had never been married. I have two teens. We are the same age, he's pretty funny, very well educated, we have many of the same views on things. He lives far away, in a place I am hoping to move, but lately I have realized that circumstances are going to keep me in place for another two years (high school son refuses to move...I understand and would really like to keep him in the same school, younger kid wants to move to other location ASAP) Is it worth even pursuing this? I was scheduled to meet him on Friday, backed out, he has e-mailed me and called twice since then. I didn't answer the phone because I am not sure what to say.

I would really like to meet this person, but seeing as I have this kids issue, I am not sure it is fair. Plus, to be honest, I am wary of a person in their 40's who has never been married.

Does anyone have any thoughts? Advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Sun, 05-11-2008 - 11:02am

I think..... (which means take what fits and leave the rest)


If you're not planning to move for another two years, there's not much point in developing a relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Sun, 05-11-2008 - 7:57pm

How far away is he? Is it possible that you would do a long distance relationship for 2 years before you relocate? And how close have you gotten too him before meeting?

Laurie

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 05-11-2008 - 8:03pm
In my opinion, a guy over 40 PLUS lives too far away = forget it! That is 2 major strikes in my mind.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 6:34am

I e-mail him and told him I was putting on the brakes. It could have been interesting. He actually called when he said he would! He was nice on the phone. I guess after years of verbal/emotional abuse from the ex, it was a thrill to know that some men actually do the things they say they will.

However, the kid thing takes priority, which I big part of me knows that childless men usually don't get.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 9:31am

I can see where putting up with years of verbal and emotional abuse would make you appreciate him - but I think you need one close by - that you can get to know slowly. The distance thing is too risky in my opinion. But the good thing is that if there is one there is more and you can see that good ones are out there and have faith again!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 9:36am
ITA with West. I truly believe that when youa re a single mom it helps so much to have your dating prospect(s) close by. Long distance can be stressful and also it can give false hopes because when you "visit" one another you play house and show all of your good sides and then collapse and go home to real life. When you have someone near by you can see them slowly and get to know them gradually which is IMHO the only safe way to bring anyone into your kid's life. You have to be sure of who you are dealing with as a single mom KWIM? I dont think you can actually do that long distance unless you have known the guy a long while prior to it being long distance....
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