New 2 dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2005
New 2 dating
8
Sun, 10-07-2007 - 5:24pm
Well, I just need a little advice on this one. I met a guy on the internet, we spoke on the phone for a few weeks and then we ended up meeting in person.He was from another city and
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
In reply to: nickee01
Sun, 10-07-2007 - 5:47pm

Hi!


Welcome... I'm definitely not an expert on dating but I wanted to respond since some of the things you've written sound a lot like me at the beginning of my first relationship after my dh passed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
In reply to: nickee01
Sun, 10-07-2007 - 6:52pm

How long have you been in the dating scene?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2005
In reply to: nickee01
Sun, 10-07-2007 - 7:11pm
Well it has been 3 years since I have been on the dating scene and about 4 months into this relationship with my new friend. That is what I am saying this is one of the first ones I have ever brought home. I have met a lot of people or had coffee and so on and so forth, but for some reason this guy will call him "wallstreet" has really impressed me. I do not know how to go about getting to the next step and I am not sure where I am in this relationship. I know that it took me a while decided that I was ready to be with someone again. I am 4 years out of a emotionally abusive marriage. I took a year just for me and then I have spent 3 years not really dating just devoting my time to my girls. I am ready, I feel like I can not condemn all men cause of one bad experience. I want to get married again. I am not for the FWB thing. I do do my own thing, but I go back to work on 10/15 and that will mean not enough time spent with Wallstreet
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: nickee01
Sun, 10-07-2007 - 7:17pm

Welcome!!

It sounds to me like your inner voice is screaming SLOW DOWN and that you do not have a sense of comfort for what he wants.

For now, what I would do if I was you, is to have a heart to heart talk with him and find out what he wants with you - be blunt about what you want. I think you should explain you are looking for someone who wants to commit to an exclusive relationship that could end up in marriage - not just a fling or FWB. That you do have kids and you have to think about your future - you don't want them getting attached and then hurt.

If I was you I would definitely hold off on the intimacy until you know where you stand, based on what you say.

Keep us posted!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
In reply to: nickee01
Sun, 10-07-2007 - 8:47pm

That's alot of parts to digest in your one post! But I'm glad you posted, and I hope you get alot of good ideas to mull over that might help you along in whatever decision to end up choosing to follow.


I have to agree with some of the others when they said it wasn't wise to involve the kids into the relationship when you and he haven't discussed what your relationship IS, or where it is going yet. But having done that already, I'm not sure what is the best thing to do, since you can't "unmeet" them- but maybe it's a good time to not have the man and the kids spend anymore time together until you DO find out if you and he are on the same page on where things are going (and at what rate).


If you are scared to tell him what you want from the relationship, then girl- get yourself UNSCARED and have that talk! It's not a sign of neediness or weakness to tell someone what it is you want, and to want to be with someone who shares the same general goal. It's only weak if you DON'T speak up and allow things to progress (in whatever direction it might be) as you live in doubt and confusion and uncertainty. If there is something you want/need, then TELL HIM! He can't read your mind! And if he decides at that point, to run for the hills... then wave bye-bye to him, because then it will be CLEAR to you that he wasn't the right man for you anyway.


If all he wants is to be friends, or be FWB, and you want to be moving towards possible marriage, then you are already a mismatch. But you won't know that untill you ASK HIM. And hopefully he won't be a man who will say anything just because he thinks you want to hear it- but be a man who will simply be honest. That way, you'll know if you should invest more time and energy in him, or to just cut bait and set you both free to find a better partner for what you both want.


~shrimpy, all about finding the RIGHT match, not just ANY match

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2005
In reply to: nickee01
Sun, 10-07-2007 - 9:10pm
Thanks guys I had already sent him an email since it was on my mind and he was not near a phone but we could email. He called me later last night and told me that he will be responding he just needs to work on his wording and that I was jumping to conclusions. But yet I have not heard from him today and I just called and no answer.(not even an email) hmmmmmm,
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: nickee01
Sun, 10-07-2007 - 11:45pm

email, IM, texting are all sucky ways of communicating especially important, relationship stuff.

If you have to get a hold of him, leave a message/email/txt on the time when you can be reached via phone to talk.

Mark who wonders how people ever communicated before the Internet and cell phones





May your soul be at rest.


May your heart remain open.


May you realize your own true nature.


May you be healed.


May you be a source of healing for the world. - a zen prayer






iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2005
In reply to: nickee01
Sun, 10-07-2007 - 11:49pm
Well I emailed and I called and left a message, I did not want to seem to pushy so I left it at that....I do not text....