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New 2 dating
| Sun, 10-07-2007 - 5:24pm |
Well, I just need a little advice on this one. I met a guy on the internet, we spoke on the phone for a few weeks and then we ended up meeting in person.He was from another city and

Hi!
Welcome... I'm definitely not an expert on dating but I wanted to respond since some of the things you've written sound a lot like me at the beginning of my first relationship after my dh passed.
How long have you been in the dating scene?
Welcome!!
It sounds to me like your inner voice is screaming SLOW DOWN and that you do not have a sense of comfort for what he wants.
For now, what I would do if I was you, is to have a heart to heart talk with him and find out what he wants with you - be blunt about what you want. I think you should explain you are looking for someone who wants to commit to an exclusive relationship that could end up in marriage - not just a fling or FWB. That you do have kids and you have to think about your future - you don't want them getting attached and then hurt.
If I was you I would definitely hold off on the intimacy until you know where you stand, based on what you say.
Keep us posted!
That's alot of parts to digest in your one post! But I'm glad you posted, and I hope you get alot of good ideas to mull over that might help you along in whatever decision to end up choosing to follow.
I have to agree with some of the others when they said it wasn't wise to involve the kids into the relationship when you and he haven't discussed what your relationship IS, or where it is going yet. But having done that already, I'm not sure what is the best thing to do, since you can't "unmeet" them- but maybe it's a good time to not have the man and the kids spend anymore time together until you DO find out if you and he are on the same page on where things are going (and at what rate).
If you are scared to tell him what you want from the relationship, then girl- get yourself UNSCARED and have that talk! It's not a sign of neediness or weakness to tell someone what it is you want, and to want to be with someone who shares the same general goal. It's only weak if you DON'T speak up and allow things to progress (in whatever direction it might be) as you live in doubt and confusion and uncertainty. If there is something you want/need, then TELL HIM! He can't read your mind! And if he decides at that point, to run for the hills... then wave bye-bye to him, because then it will be CLEAR to you that he wasn't the right man for you anyway.
If all he wants is to be friends, or be FWB, and you want to be moving towards possible marriage, then you are already a mismatch. But you won't know that untill you ASK HIM. And hopefully he won't be a man who will say anything just because he thinks you want to hear it- but be a man who will simply be honest. That way, you'll know if you should invest more time and energy in him, or to just cut bait and set you both free to find a better partner for what you both want.
~shrimpy, all about finding the RIGHT match, not just ANY match
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
email, IM, texting are all sucky ways of communicating especially important, relationship stuff.
If you have to get a hold of him, leave a message/email/txt on the time when you can be reached via phone to talk.
Mark who wonders how people ever communicated before the Internet and cell phones
May your soul be at rest.
May your heart remain open.
May you realize your own true nature.
May you be healed.
May you be a source of healing for the world. - a zen prayer