New to the board

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2006
New to the board
3
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 11:14am

Hello all,

I have been a member on Ivillage for quite some time but have finally decided to come out of lurkdom. I am a 27 yr old single mother to two wonderful boys ages 11 and 7. I have been dating for 7 yrs with no luck in the love dept. During the time of my being single, I returned to college and received my AAS in legal studies and am currently going for my BS and eventually to law school. I have bought my car and my first home. It seems that I keep intimidating men w/my view of "you are in my life because I want you not because I need you." I am very independant.

Ok, so during my last semester, I met a man in one of my classes that caught my eye. Very well spoken and educated. Though we had short conversations, I felt an intense connection w/him. We were in the same group for a project and noticed that we had similar ideas. Forward to the 2nd to last week of class. He asked me for my email addy in order to talk about a class reading. Class ended and weeks passed w/no communication. 2 wks later, he finally emailed me! We have been dating ever since (a bit over 2 months). My boys were in Fl. for a month and so we had the chance to spend quite some time together (in which our RL did turn into a physical one). I find my feelings growing immensly for him. We haven't talked about exclusivity (it feels like it is assumed by him but I don't don't like to assume) and he hasn't met my boys(for this reason). We speak 3-4x's a day (he calls) and see eachother 2-3x's a week. We are making plans to go away and talk about the future in a general way.

Would it be to early to ask where we stand? I don't know how to go about this.

Happy mom to 3 wonderful Boys and 1 pretty Girl!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
In reply to: azriakai
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 4:24pm

Hi azriakai. Just wanted to say hi and that I'm new here too! :) It sounds like we have the same ideals in what we are looking for in a mate. I have been in situations while dating of not knowing where the relationship was going since it was going well. Now this may not be the best advice and I hope others on here will be able to help you but, being the very open and honest person I am, I've always just come out and asked if we were going to be exclusive or not. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. It seems to me that your relationship is going quite well but I know you don't want to risk introducing your children to this man until you knew without a doubt that he was serious about your relationship. I'm right there with you! :) Sorry I couldn't be much help.

Jennifer

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2006
In reply to: azriakai
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 4:49pm
Again, thx for replying...your right, I believe that being straight forward is the way to be. I am very comfortable w/him and feel like I can talk to him about anything. I guess that my previous experiences make me a bit apprehensive. I just have to get over it. LOL After having so many disappointments when things seemed to be going well, I'm a bit scared of "writing another one off." Though, it is better to know now than later. I will talk to him...when, I have NO idea! LOL...(kinda hoping that he brings it up b4 I have to)

Happy mom to 3 wonderful Boys and 1 pretty Girl!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: azriakai
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 6:42pm

Hello and welcome to the board. I agree with Jennifer - that you should ask him especially since you are being intimate (I assume that is what you mean by physical?)

Personally I would ask before being intimate but since you have been intimate you have every right to ask now.

Keep us posted. Hopefully it is assumed and you are okay. It is nice to know you have met someone you like and that you are doing so great with your life and independence and kids.

Glad that you came out of lurkerdom!

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