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| Sun, 06-18-2006 - 10:45am |
Hello all...I am new to this board but not the message boards on ivillage. Let me give you a little history. I was married for 6 1/2 years to a very selfish man (long story) but finally got the nerve to divorce him (mentally abusive relationship). I have 2 beautiful daughters, Mikayla 7 and AVery 5. In August it will make 2 years that I have been divorced and my xh is already remarried. he met a girl last august (she lived in arkansas), she moved to TX (where we are) in October and they married this past March. She has 3 kids by 2 different dads but she is a really nice woman. I lucked out there. Here is my question, before he met this woman he was never involved in our girls lives and now that he has her there to "babysit" he is seeing the kids all the time. Which, by the way, i think is great. But here comes the problem...he is still trying to control what i do with the girls. he lectures me about going to church, this that and the other and how i should be parenting. i am currently in an ldr and have been for over a year. he told me that he wanted to meet this man and that he would prefer i never get married. WHAT THE H***? it just infuriates me to no end. and here is the kicker.....he has these 3 other kids and he treats them more like his kids than his own. when my girls are with me he never calls them to talk to them. he told me that he wouldn't be taking our girls to their soccer games on his weekend because it wasn't "fair to the other kids, because they wanted to play and couldn't." i guess my question is how do you handle your x wanting to meet your current? how do i break this manipulation cycle? he makes me feel so guilty sometimes and it drives me crazy. i have told him off a couple of times but i am telling you, he is a jerk. anyway...thanks for letting me vent and sorry this is so long. any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!
christie : )


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Thank you all for your responses. All these things are true and it is about me getting out of that mind set of being controlled. He was verbally and mentally abusive to me when we were married. My friends have been helping me through all this and all the things you have said are true. SInce that last conversation about my current BF, I offer him no comments about my personal life. In answer to that, he doesn't really ask anymore. I just hate how he tries to tell me what I should be doing with the girls. WHATEVER!!!!
How old was your son when you got him a cell phone? I am thinking about getting my girls one so that I can bypass talking to him and call them straight. We have a lot of issues with him not answering the phone when he has them. He knows that I call them every day to tell them good night and that i love them. he doesn't call them when i have them, which isn't a big deal to me but my girls even comment on the fact that i call them everyday. I guess he thinks because he doesn't call everyday it doesn't matter if he doesn't answer the phone when i call them. UGH!! Whatever!!
Thanks for the warm welcome to the boards. I will definetely be checking in.
christie : )
I think I got it just before DS's 10th birthday.
I don't call him when he is with his dad - because it is only 1-3 nights a week. But sometimes he will call or text me when he wants. His dad calls most every night and that is good for DS. I think you have to do what works for you, the kids and the situation. DS is with me most of the time - so I don't feel the need to intrude on their time together with chit chat. When DS goes away with his dad then we talk every night.
I think the cell phone is a godsend. It promotes communication between parent and child and minimizes the stress between the divorced parents. It is also handy for DS and me.
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